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Lecture Hop: Mike Gravel at Friendly Fire

Bwog correspondent Christopher Morris-Lent  attends a Friendly Fire-Columbia Political Union-sponsored event and encounters a man who savors the taste of defeat .

On Friday afternoon, a ragtag group of people streamed into the hallowed space at the top of Earl Hall to see Mike Gravel, once a senator from Alaska and now running a quixotic campaign for president, speak on a variety of issues ranging from why he dislikes all politicians to what you can do about it.  The audience, which ultimately numbered about 70 people and consisted of about ninety percent males and at least fifty percent policy wonks, grew steadily in size until Gravel arrived, accompanied by his speechwriter and History department lecturer, Dave Eisenbach.

Eisenbach is perhaps best known around campus as the founder of Friendly Fire, ostensibly a series of discussions targeted at deconstructing what he sees as Columbia’s “problem” with free speech and featuring vocal critics of the University (Jim Gilchrist, Karina Garcia, Bob Podhoretz) squaring off against one another in a debate-style format. Yesterday, however, he eschewed his typical role as the impartial moderator and assumed that of a salesman, delivering a rousing introduction on behalf of the man whom he once called “an American hero.”

“I first became fascinated with Mike when I was watching one of the presidential debates last year,” said Eisenbach, “and he asked Obama, ‘Tell me, Barack, who do you want to nuke?’  I knew I had to get this guy on Friendly Fire! Then one thing led to another,” he continued, by way of explanation, “and I had a job.”

Minutes later, Gravel himself took the floor to enthusiastic applause. “One of the most common questions people ask me,” he intoned, “is that, as manhandled by the media as I’ve been, why didn’t I write a book?” At this point, much of the audience directed its attention to the pamphlets distributed at the beginning of the event, which doubled as advertisements for Gravel’s new book Citizen Power and as catalogues of his accomplishments throughout the course of his political career: “As a United States senator,” one line read, “he filibustered for five months, forcing an end to the draft.” Another page listed part of Gravel’s platform, a notable example of which was, “Build a new national electrical power grid for a national and urban maglev transportation system using existing wind and solar technology.”

Gravel’s platform seemed to be a topic about which he was more than happy to speak, and, for the next forty-five minutes or so, that is exactly what he did, prompted by the occasional prompting question from Eisenbach. �What is making you do this?� he asked rhetorically, the subtext being that Gravel is running a campaign on no money with little popular support or opportunity to influence leftward the discourses between the major candidates.

Gravel responded phlegmatically, �What else am I gonna do? It�s like the analogy I drew in my book � throwing a rock in the water � it�s gonna produce ripples. I�m too old to play tennis now, and I�ve got a lot of chutzpah. All you young men: you owe me two years of your life,� he continued, alluding to his fastidious opposition to the draft in his days as a senator before launching into a record of his congressional accomplishments.

�That�s leadership!� he said emphatically, before asking, �where have all the leaders gone? Have you seen the last Hillary ad? �We Americans can do this.� What the hell does that mean? Obama is hardly better. Representative government is broken. What is the answer?�

The answer, at least according to Gravel, can be found at The National Initiative is Gravel�s grand and overarching plan for fixing what he sees as the ingrained corruption and myopia present in Washington today. Essentially, it stipulates that legislative power be transferred from the Congress � which is hopelessly far removed from the problems of everyday Americans and in the thralldom of special interests � to the people. �There are twenty-four states with initiative power on the books today,� declared Gravel, �and those states generally have better governance than the ones that don�t.�

�Won�t this just lead to a tyranny of the majority?� asked Eisenbach.

�Well, if you�re not ruled by the majority, you�re ruled by a minority,� responded Gravel, waxing Rumsfeldian for a second. �The American people are ruled by a minority as is. The National Initiative is the answer for the future.�

But the National Initiative is far from the only plank in Gravel�s platform. Throughout the rest of the afternoon, as the topic at hand modulated from gay marriage to John McCain to Iraq, Gravel offered a seemingly inexhaustible number of aphorisms for curing what ails America.

On gay rights and activism: �Get the hell out of the closet! Fight for your rights and win!�

On gay marriage: �I believe in marriage. If there�s anything we need, it�s a lot more love.�

On federal jurisdiction thereof: �Hillary says that this is a matter of states� rights. Well, that�s what John C. Calhoun said about slavery.�

On Hillary Clinton: �She�s clearly more qualified than Obama to be president.�

On Barack Obama: �Initially he was like Hamlet � there�s no �there� there. I�m sure he�s mesmerized many of you. �There�s change. There�s hope. There�s change and there�s hope.��

On John McCain: �There�s no question � John McCain is worse [than Barack or Hillary].�

On the impending apocalypse: �We�re in a war for the survival of the planet! We�re all going to be cooked in 100 years if we don�t do anything. I can take us off of gasoline in five.�

On resilience: �I�m running all the way through November, as a Democrat until the convention, then as a third-party candidate.�

On why: �You need me as president worse than you realize.�

On his chances: �For me to become President of the United States, it�d take an act of God.�

The time was nearing five o�clock and the blue around Havemeyer deepening from turquoise to indigo. After Gravel finished his last genial and eloquent diatribe against the establishment, Eisenbach opened the floor to questions. Someone asked about McCain and his past; Gravel responded by fingering the draft dodgers as the true exemplars of �moral courage� in Vietnam, posited that McCain was �just following orders� when he attacked the Vietnamese, and declared that �the same could be said of the Nazis at Auschwitz� before qualifying his position. �Those that fought in Vietnam were good Americans,� he continued, �trying to do the best thing for their country.� But if they failed, then what of the fate of the National Initiative?

For another half an hour Gravel laughed, convinced, and parried his way through the rhetorical thicket. It was him at his very finest, as he displayed the cocktail of uncompromising maverick liberalism and completely impractical ideas that make him a darling amongst idealistic collegiate bleeding hearts and a hopelessly unviable candidate amongst the electorate. I found myself agreeing with Gravel more than I�d care to admit; it�s as if he were the raging leftist id inside all of us nominal liberals, untempered by compromise, practical considerations and reality. Ralph Nader once called Gravel �a breath of fresh air,� and as unsettling as that fresh air was, at times, there was something rejuvenating about seeing someone speak his mind so freely and lucidly, as if he had nothing to lose but, say, one-tenth of one percent of the primary vote.

– CML, with apologies for the quality of the photographs

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  • anon says:

    @anon Why is the photo such bad quality???

  • yes says:

    @yes Yeah, the punctuation on this page is messed up for me too.

    Thank you for reviewing this so thoroughly. I was crushed that I had to miss it but I feel better about it now.

  • esienbach says:

    @esienbach is totally the man. i had him back in the day for lit hum and it was a an excellent class. in fact most of my other classes sucked balls. if not for him i don’t know what i would do.

    and unlike other professors at this school, he is trying to engage as public intellectual and not just esoteric navel-gazing. columbia needs more professors who engage critical on public issues and aren’t just the radical nutjobs that we find in anthro, sociology, melac, etc.

  • huckabust says:

    @huckabust You are correct, although Huckabee always had more credibility as a viable candidate.

  • invisible_hand says:

    @invisible_hand even though thinks my candidate is mike gravel, he is, in exactly three ways, like mike huckabee.
    first off, both of their names are mike.
    secondly, they both have a snowball’s chance in hell to win their party’s nomination.
    last: THEY BOTH WANT TO INSTITUTE THE “FAIR TAX” AND ELIMINATE THE INCOME TAX. this is a nutjob move on their part.

  • seemed to me says:

    @seemed to me half the students there were Eisenbach’s students at MSM.

    …and goddamn it I can’t read this page…

    1. hmm says:

      @hmm I thought this was a CPU event. I guess they’re collaborating with Eisenbach.

      1. anon says:

        @anon This was a CPU event. Friendly Fire was taken over by the CPU last spring, though David Eisenbach continues to moderate and help organize events as a member of the CPU’s Board of Advisors.

  • is it just me says:

    @is it just me or is this webpage fucked up in both firefox and ie?

    i had stop reading by the tenth �.

  • david eisenbach says:

    @david eisenbach is a babe and a half, Mike Gravel is fucking insane though. Not that his ideas are wrong, they’re pretty right on, but the dude is crotchity like Walter Mathau.

  • ryanshaunkelly says:

    @ryanshaunkelly Nader Gravel & Paul Kucinich

    Awake from your slumber
    4 Wise Men march with the people
    Washington DC

    Honesty compassion intelligence guts
    Not carrots sticks coercive diplomacy

    Divided we fall
    Mike Gravel
    Dennis Kucinich
    Ron Paul
    Ralph Nader
    No bribery blackmail extortion

    Rage against the machine
    Democracy rising democracy now
    Suffer not

    1. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous Do you usually post messages on blogs when you’re drunk?

    2. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous I think I vaguely agree with what your “poem” is getting at.

  • eisenbach says:

    @eisenbach is the worst professor in the history department. what a disgrace.

    1. wtf says:

      @wtf dave eisenbach is the fucking man, and a damn fine professor. show some respect.

      1. Yes. says:

        @Yes. I don’t know him, but anyone with the courage to bring such diverse speakers to this campus deserves to be respected. Few people are truly willing to invite individuals with whom they strongly disagree to speak without hindrance.

  • maybe im an idiot says:

    @maybe im an idiot but i thought the premise of ‘friendly fire’ was to have some sort of debate? No, it was, CML even says it in this post. What happened to Eisenbach’s crusade for free speech? One quixotic dream replaced by another, i guess.

  • paleocon says:

    @paleocon it’s john podhoretz

  • CML says:

    @CML As the pictures show, Gravel and Eisenbach were in a blur of activity from start to finish.

  • redundancy=cool says:

    @redundancy=cool So the speaker was “prompted by the occasional prompting question from Eisenbach” as opposed to being prompted by, say, unprompting questions from Eisenbach?

    Say it with me: proofread!

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