Sure, seniors may be looking at the worst job market in decades, but at least they have some of Columbia’s fun senior traditions to look forward to!
Or, you know, not. The administration’s “War on Fun” campaign looks to be well on its way to destroying a proud senior pastime, as sources tell Bwog that Dean of Student Affairs Kevin Shollenberger and SDA Director Robert Taylor have ordered the student councils to come up with a replacement for the once-loved tradition of 40s on 40.
Up until two years ago, seniors would drink 40s on Low Steps to celebrate 40 days before graduation. The public drinking made for some actual class unity, and hilarious scenes of tour guides assuring parents “no, we only get this way once a year.” But, like any evil dictatorship, Columbia soon tired of the civil disobedience, and forced the class councils to put on a poorly-run picnic instead. Both years of cheap imitation saw nothing but frustrated students in long lines for little beer.
What’s the new excuse? Apparently, Shollenberger and Taylor told the councils that the university is “no longer comfortable” hosting an event whose primary draw is alcohol. Aside from the lack of any incidents to support this new crackdown, of course, the university’s quick to drop such quibbles when donors are involved: for example, the official Columbia University Club of New York, which has an open bar, or almost every single cocktail party that the university throws for potential donors. But if the War on Fun’s been any guide, justification is not the University’s strong suit.