Water Gun Wars Get Heated
Written by Bwog Staff
Those of you following CU Assassins may have noticed that in place of the mocking, playful, and egotistical tones of early kill reports, many killins of the past week have been described with malice and aggression. Water-gun-in-your-face aggression.
There are now only two teams remaining in the game – one with two players, and one with three, and the road to the last round has not been an easy one.
Kill reports bear witness to some heated disagreements on the legality of the kill. Bwog also has reports of a vicious email from the realm of the dead accusing murderers of cheating. But let’s be real, history is DEF written by the winners.
Deceased: Diamond Dreamsizzle
Time of Death: Tuesday, March 10 at 03:34 PM
Summary of Death: The Dancing Beauties thought they could outsmart us, but having lasted so long, they didn’t really put up much of a fight. Tiger Steelrail was the first to go, and he pleaded for mercy. You were shot in the neck? I think not friend. Firmdriver was the next victim, and he tried to deny that he was playing. Try having your back fully against the wall, and not partially. Dreamsizzle thought she could outsmart us by standing side by side with her identical twin, but she was no match for us. I’m so sure the water “ricocheted” onto your back. Nice try. R.I.P. THEN END.
Time of Death: Sunday, March 08 at 12:39 AM
Summary of Death: I’m not funneling kills, I’m just a master of disguise. You gonna dispute this one?
Of course, there were also some traditional kill reports quoting gangsta rap
Time of Death: Wednesday, March 04 at 02:18 PM
Summary of Death: When I die, fuck it I wanna go to hell.. Cause I’m a piece of shit, it ain’t hard to fuckin tell.. It don’t make sense, going to heaven wit the goodie-goodies.. Dressed in white, I like black tims and black hoodies.. God will probably have me on some real strict shit.. No sleepin all day, no gettin my dick licked.. Hangin with the goodie-goodies loungin in paradise.. Fuck that shit, I wanna tote guns and shoot dice..
A few of the straight-up “you are dumb” variety
Time of Death: Tuesday, March 03 at 01:14 PM
Summary of Death: Don’t whip it out in John Jay. You never know who’s watching you.
A familiar tone of poetic snark
Time of Death: Tuesday, March 03 at 08:02 PM
Summary of Death: This kill brought to you by your long flowing locks.
And Bwog’s personal favorite – short and sweet
Time of Death: Monday, March 09 at 03:10 PM
Summary of Death: Just happened to walk by. Team Phallic Pizza is dunzo.