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They’ve Struck Again

Photo via CU Housing

The residents of Schapiro face a dreaded Housing raid, as lounge furniture-pilfering students failed to learn a lesson from Wien/EC. It seems that 3 chairs and 3 tables have gone missing from the 2nd, 9th, 10th and 11th floor lounges. Who’s hosting a dinner party in their Schapiro double? Housing has given the hooligans until 9 am on Friday, March 26 to return the furniture before the raiding begins!

Full email from Housing after the jump.

Dear Schapiro Hall Residents:

I am writing with an important and critical update for all Schapiro residents.  A number of pieces of furniture have gone missing from the 2nd, 9th, 10th and 11th floor lounges.  Specifically, 3 chairs and 3 tables are missing.

The Office of Residential Programs is committed to providing a residential experience that encourages respect, mutual understanding, and a sense of community.  When individuals in our community remove furniture from our common lounge for private usage, the community is impacted.  Schapiro RAs previously sent an e-mail encouraging the prompt return of all lounge furniture.

The primary goal is to have the furniture returned to the lounges immediately so that our entire community can benefit from the use of the lounge.  Our last resort will be to conduct room searches; however, if all of the furniture is not returned by 9 am on Friday, March 26, Residential Programs, Housing, and Facilities staff will enter residential rooms between 9 am and 5 pm on that date.  Any piece of “missing” furniture found in a student room will immediately be removed from the room and returned to the lounge.  Each resident who has furniture in their room will be subject to the Dean’s Discipline process.    We hope that we will not have to take this step so would appreciate everyone’s cooperation in resolving this matter.

I appreciate your consideration of the Schapiro community.


Darleny Cepin

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  • ... says:

    @... OK I get it that they have the legal right to search our rooms, that we signed a contract, blah blah blah, but it really pissed me off when they try to make themselves seem reasonable and just by writing shit like this, “The Office of Residential Programs is committed to providing a residential experience that encourages respect, mutual understanding, and a sense of community” and claiming that a few missing lounge chairs justifies mass room searches and invasion of privacy.

    1. Anon says:

      @Anon In other words: “Stealing is okay, but people enforcing contracts is not.”

      1. ... says:

        @... no, actually, that’s not what i meant. surely even a remarkably obtuse and literal minded asshole such as yourself can see that searching over 300 dormitories in order to recover a few missing pieces of furniture is a bit of an overreaction, even if it is technically contractual. if you had been able to stop focusing so hard on being a prick and actually read my comment, you would have seen that i was complaining not about the policy itself (which, as noted above, i do find objectionable) but rather about the rhetoric they use to justify it. given that they are planning to massively invade the private space of over 400 students (which, while not legally private, is certainly functionally end psychologically private) and haul some of them before the notoriously myopic and byzantine deans discipline board, it sounds a bit silly for them to pretend to value “community” in any but the most formal and calculative way. i recognize that the discipline board is not a criminal court, but since you seem to feel so comfortable assigning punishment prior to any procesual determination of guilt i feel obliged to remind you that in only a few exceptional justice systems is systematic searching and collective presumption of guilt and acceptable to isolated wrongdoing.

        1. ... says:

          @... *”an acceptable response to isolated wrongdoing” is what i meant

        2. Anonymous says:

          @Anonymous if we’re talking about overreactions, I think this qualifies. Perhaps Anon’s comment was a bit snarky, but I don’t think it warrants calling him/her a prick, dick, and a remarkably obtuse asshole.
          I do happen to side with Housing on this matter. I’m a regular user of residence hall lounges, and I like having furniture there. If it goes missing because someone fails to consider the rest of the community, I would be angry, and I would want the furniture returned. The only way I can imagine that happening, if it’s not returned voluntarily, is for housing to look in every room. I know I’m not hiding any furniture, so I’m willing to volunteer my room for a search if it means that I’ll be able to use the lounge again. If Housing doesn’t do this, then the entire community suffers because the entire lounge–the most communal space of the floor–becomes unusable for everyone.

          1. Anonymous says:

            @Anonymous I don’t like it when people beat their wives or abuse their kids. I also kind wish I knew where bad shit happens. I for one don’t participate in anything illegal or wrong. Therefore, I think it is perfectly reasonable to have CC cameras in every house across the country. So long as it’s just the government looking at the feed, what could go wrong….

          2. what?? says:

            @what?? those situations are so different and you know it. housing is just going to open the door and look in. i doubt they want to waste time looking through your drawers and your diary. they’re just looking for furniture, god.

        3. Anonymous says:

          @Anonymous i agree.

          Although I do hate when people steal the furniture, I feel like if they really want to foster a community environment they should use more indirect methods. Like posting official notices that there have been complaints, and the furniture needs to be returned. And wait that process out for a while before searching EVERY room in an entire dorm.

          1. Anonymous says:

            @Anonymous isn’t this email an “official notice” stating that the furniture needs to be returned? And aren’t they offering to wait that process out (not sure when the email was sent, but they’re waiting at least a day) before proceeding with room checks?

            Really, I don’t see an alternative. Suppose they flyer the whole building (a waste of housing’s time) asking for furniture to be returned, then wait a week or two to see who responds. There’s a good chance that, without the threat of action, nobody will respond. And so that’s a week or two that the lounge is unusable, which sucks for the entire building.

            If housing doesn’t do room searches, I propose several alternatives:
            1. Bolt the furniture to the floor or chain it to the wall. I don’t think this one would be very conducive to fostering community, and it would functionally cripple the lounges
            2. Remove all furniture from the lounges. Nobody can steal something that isn’t there.
            3. Close and lock all lounges permanently.
            4. Double the Housing fee so that when furniture goes missing, housing can buy new furniture.
            5. Triple the housing fee so that every lounge can have a security guard 24 hours a day. Or, to save some money, have “lounge hours”: an 8-hour block of time when the lounge is open and staffed by a guard.

            I welcome any other viable ideas.

  • uhhh says:

    @uhhh Or…. people could just choose to not steal chairs. Problem solved.

  • bwog says:

    @bwog are u not going to do eyepokes anymore? let me know what i can skip thx

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous lol…..good times…..when i was a student, my roommate stole the floor couch on the second day…..and then we had the floor vacuum cleaner for the entire year in our suite….we got these emails too, but nothing ever happened

    and at the endof the year, we just ditched all the shit in the hallway…it was hilarious hearing walking down the hallway later and seeing RA find it all!

    1. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous lulz, what jovial assholes you and your roommate were and, most likely, still are. hahaha, we’ve deprived everyone else of the couch–we’re so badass!

  • Mr. Obvious says:

    @Mr. Obvious Its pledge season for frats. That furniture is lost.

    1. Wow says:

      @Wow you’re retarded. ppl just wanted to ball out their rooms.

  • ... says:

    @... lol whining rich kids and their first brush with consequences for their actions.

  • how says:

    @how the fuck does someone even FIT a table in their room?

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