Name, school: Sam Kuperberg, BC

Claim to fame: Use of the adverb “real nice;” turning my friends’ names into puns; overly elaborate thought experiments. Also, Moderator of the Philolexian Society.

Where are you going? After graduation I start work as a Patient Care Associate at Callen-Lorde Community Health Center, which serves on the LGBT community, as well as those living with HIV/AIDS. I’m very, very excited.

Three things you learned at Columbia:
1. Everyone seems like they have it together… until you ask a question like “How are you?” and watch it all unravel.
2. Writing a paper well before the deadline is one of the best gifts you can give yourself.
3. We’re all mad here.

Justify your existence in 30 words or fewer: I was recently in the Classics Department’s production of Persa, in which I performed in an intense rap battle. In Latin.

Any war stories from the War on Fun? We lost six on Monday. Tuesday was hell. I can’t describe the things I have seen. The horror… the horror.

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? As someone who doesn’t really like cheese, this is a pretty easy question to answer.

Any advice for the Class of 2014?
1. You’re not going to figure it all out during your first semester. Or even your first year.
2. Don’t be afraid to ask for help… or accept it when it’s offered.
3. Take African Dance with Maguette.
4. See a Broadway show.

Any regrets? I’ve had a few. But then again, too few to mention.