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B-School Trains Russian Spies!

Mata Hari was also a spy, but she didn't go to Columbia. Photo via Wikimedia Commons

Cynthia Murphy, one of the Russian spies who has destroyed everything that is holy (Montclair, New Jersey) attended Columbia B-School, and got her MBA in May, Bloomberg (not the mayor) confirms. That means we all went to school with a SPY! The Kremlin probably has your UNI on file or something. Putin knows that you got a C in Principles!

In other news, our very own Jake Snider was one of four finalists in the College Battle of the Bands in Las Vegas this weekend. In other other news, the WSJ ranked Columbia the 19th best college at returning on investments. And that’s all for today, folks!

Update: Commenter ‘Russki’ (if that is your real name!) informs us that Columbia has a long tradition of training spies. Observe!

Update, 7/1: So turns out these jokes are kind of true! According to the NYPost (yes, we know) Murphy was instructed by “Moscow Central” to “to strengthen . . . ties w/ classmates on daily basis incl. professors who can help in job search and who will have (or already have) access to secret info.” AAAAAAAAAAAH!

Update 3: If you or anyone you know attended Columbia B-School from 2008-2010, lemme know ASAP!

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  • russki says:

    @russki columbia actually has a long tradition of harboring russian spies!

    this is the university of havana, north, after all.

  • Spies are better that you at gardening... says:

    @Spies are better that you at gardening... From the article:
    ‘They can’t be spies,’ one neighbour said. ‘Look at what she did with the hyrdangeas.’

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous Barnard also produced a few soviet spies: Judith Coplon, Marion Davis Berdecio, and Flora Wovschin. And American spy Virginia Hall.

  • our ROI says:

    @our ROI would be higher if we didn’t have so many people taking unproductive jobs with nonprofits etc. trying to save the world…as opposed to doing something more meaningful with their lives

    1. WASP says:

      @WASP yeah, like investment banking.

      1. Anonymous says:

        @Anonymous or engineering, research, buisness
        as opposed to art, film, literature and political science

        1. hey fuck you says:

          @hey fuck you and your soulless aspirations

        2. well says:

          @well at least I’m a philosophy major :P

      2. banker says:

        @banker banking ftw, people are because bankers in their first year make more than double their salaries

        1. banker says:

          @banker people are mad*

        2. Anonymous says:

          @Anonymous first year bankers if they are good make 65 + 55k bonus = 120k. Considering they work 90 – 120 hours a week, most other jobs are paying more per hour. However, there are a lot more opportunities for bankers to break out of this salary range as they become more senior and there are a lot more exit ops. Considering most bankers have 3.8+ GPAs and stellar extracurriculars, it’s only fair.
          And for the record bankers did not cause the financial crisis(they advise companies on mergers and underwrite stocks and bonds(help companies raise money)). it’s the traders and dumb commercial bankers that did it

          1. banker says:

            @banker The media likes to put the blame on someone, in this case, it’s the bankers that take the blame. Banking is really an advisory industry whereas trading holds a more direct role in influencing markets.

            I agree, traders and commercial mortgage underwriters are the ones that caused most of this mess. Risk management departments obviously needs more talent…

    2. and? says:

      @and? the people who care about ROI will seek jobs that have a high ROI, even if they’re morally bankrupt. those who care about more doing meaningful work won’t care about ROI. so long as you’re getting a good ROI, and that’s what you care about, why do you care what others are doing?

  • actually ya says:

    @actually ya because investment bankers and rich people tend to fund your little nonprofits so technically you work for them and many of the major corporations even if your trying to promote world peace or whatever

    1. and... says:

      @and... fuck off. go home. the both of you.

    2. A. Mouse says:

      @A. Mouse work for them as they try to alleviate their guilty consciences so they aren’t exactly anyone’s ‘bosses,’ despite providing the funds. The question is what is the use value of your work, not the exchange value.

  • Andrei says:

    @Andrei I’m pretty sure Columbia trained a ton of spies, army officers and intelligence personnel before WW2, during WW2, practically run half the postwar occupation of Japan with translators, scholars, political scientists and economists, than provided a lot of smart people for the Cold War efforts (more spies, translators, army officers and scholars). I would be surprised if that tradition just suddenly died off, and I’m convinced it goes on today. (I don’t want to suggest that Columbia hasn’t also been fueling several other important sectors of the world’s workings though.)

    Hey, btw, did you know that as Columbia students we get free admission to the Intrepid museum whenever we want? I wonder where we get all those good connections with the navy from…

    1. i don't think says:

      @i don't think we get free admissions because of “navy connections.” i think it’s part of that “get free admission to lots of museums” program that bollinger and the art school is now trying to kill.

  • Eliza says:

    @Eliza Did any of you commenters do the Executive MBA program from 2008-2010? Email me at pretty please!

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous I love how this quickly turned into a debate abut investment banking.

  • i can't believe it! says:

    @i can't believe it! the new york post just called us capitalists:

    “accused Russian spy Cynthia Murphy used her cover as a Columbia University MBA student to try to turn her capitalist classmates into comrades, federal officials say.”

  • ... says:

    @... well shit. i guess this means the russians got their hands on the schematics for the salsabol. we’re all fucked.

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