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Koronet’s Ups Prices, Kills Dreams

At 1:33 AM yesterday morning, a tipster sent Bwog an urgent message: “THIS WILL NOT STBAD.”

Koronet’s super-sized pizza, in all its greasy goodness, now costs $3.75. This 25 cent price hike follows a steady quarter-a-year trend.

It’s unnerving, because when you’re schwasted, you’ll throw down anything just for chow.  Only the next morning will you realize you’ve lost that prized Hawaii state quarter— the one that finally completed your collection! By the way, anyone notice there’s a Guam state quarter now? Shenanigans.

Bwog’s very own Hannah Goldstein offered us her personal New York theory: pizza price increases foreshadow fare hikes. No, say it isn’t so! But still, intriguing.

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24 Comments

  • statician says:

    @statician Someone needs to tell Hannah Goldstein that correlation does not imply causation.

    1. English Major says:

      @English Major Does causation cause correlation? *Folds arms and grins*

      1. Math Major says:

        @Math Major Prove: r → c

        1. Bad Analogy Guy says:

          @Bad Analogy Guy Given:
          r → c
          R, so c.

          Modus pwnens.

    2. Randall get out of my head says:

      @Randall get out of my head Oh you clever xkcd reader, you…

    3. rtfa says:

      @rtfa someone needs to tell you to improve your reading comprehension. hannah said that “koronet’s price increases foreshadow fare increases,” i.e. that they are correlated. She never said that the koronet’s price increases are the CAUSE for the fare increases. your criticism is irrelevant.

  • you ever notice... says:

    @you ever notice... tuition goes up around 1,000 dollars a year, and there are no bwog articles about this, yet every 25 cent increase in koronets costs consistently gets an article?

    1. ... says:

      @... this is a posh school, nobody cares about such pedestrian issues such as how much their parents pay. (or how much the sticker price is, since cc/seas get proper financial aid for those who need it).

      the only undergrads who care about that issue are gs. (specifically those who aren’t being used by columbia as proxies for milking the hell out of the GI bill)

      it’s quite a nice little racket really. they inflate their prices and face no consequences as they’re able to use their brand equity to lure students into financially untenable postions. when the untenability of said financial positions are realized by the sucke^H^H^H^H^Hstudents, columbia has long disappeared in the rearview mirror with loan checks long cleared. until, well, the very last legs are kicked out of the economy when the student loan bubble explodes.

      will columbia’s brand equity be strong enough to overcome its complicity in doing its part to bring about the student loan meltdown of 201x? stay tuned!

      1. ehhh says:

        @ehhh Why would there be a student loan meltdown? By law, student loan debt cannot be escaped. You can’t “foreclose.”

        1. ... says:

          @... private: graduation! -> weak job market/underemployment/debt load out of sync with compensation market -> loan enters default -> balance multiplies -> bank goes after cosigner -> cosigner can no longer make mortgage payment -> foreclosure! (multiply! multiply!) -> securitized student loan debt deemed “toxic” (multiply! multiply!) -> weaker job market/more underemployment/downward pressure on fragile economy

          ffelp: graduation! -> weak job market/underemployment/debt load out of sync with compensation market -> loan enters default -> balance multiplies -> government chases after borrower -> small garnish of already low wages/ui benefits -> guaranty agencies fold -> securitized student loan debt deemed “toxic” (multiply! multiply!) -> meltdown! (bailout?) -> weaker job market/more underemployment/downward pressure on fragile economy

          that’s the idea. they’re not perfect, but you probably get the picture. the point is, when you get a wave of defaults, nobody wins when the economy as a whole is sputtering. think of it as like a nice little turbocharger for the recession machine that only kicks in once you get to a certain speed, and well, we’re getting there…

  • Hungry says:

    @Hungry Bwog, does anyone around here do really good fish and chips? Preferably on the go? This weather is giving me a craving.

    1. Hungry too says:

      @Hungry too Don’t bother staying around here, go to http://www.asaltandbattery.com/ and get real fish and chips.

      1. Hungry says:

        @Hungry Looks gorgeous. Might need to be a weekend pilgrimage. Thanks!

      2. ... says:

        @... a salt and battery is ok. chipshop is better for beer which is really a corequisite for fish and chips.

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous Ms. Goldstein is correct, January 1 we will experience a fare hike only us college kids won’t notice because it is only affecting the monthly metrocards

  • Hannah says:

    @Hannah In Bwog’s defense, the verb “to foreshadow” does not suggest causation. You can foreshadow something and lack any causation in either direction, but rather be linked by a lurking variable, for instance.

    1. Flashcard says:

      @Flashcard I prefer the term “adumbrate.”

    2. statician says:

      @statician Since, as you have shown, the use of the verb foreshadowing does not indicate causation, I retract my previous exception. However, since a theory must make definite predictions about the results of future observations, and since the verb used in the aforementioned statement does not suggest causation, the “New York theory” should more correctly be called the “New York statement.”

      1. dude says:

        @dude you need to relax. and learn how to spell “statistician”

  • patty says:

    @patty try the beef patty, its delicious

  • 2O13 says:

    @2O13 Kudos to whoever wrote this. It’s short, but funny.

  • hmmm says:

    @hmmm Perhaps for some mysterious but completely explainable reason, the cost of running a subway system is intimately linked to the fair market price of milk… All this time we thought the MTA was mismanaged and hopelessly inept, and that Albany was horrendously negligent… when the real culprit the whole time was a merciless dust storm in the plains of Iowa.

  • hmmm says:

    @hmmm Anyway, on the Guam state quarter issue, I hate to be too crude, but you do know there are 57 states, right? The president has been to all of them…

  • Council Bro says:

    @Council Bro Great post bwog. Funny, succinct, and relevant!

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