Jan

5

Swiper No Swiping!

Written by

In the past 4 days there have been three break-ins on campus, purportedly all committed by one mysteriously agile burglar. Here’s what the Public Safety alert said:

Three burglaries have occurred on campus since the evening of January 1, 2011. In each case, the suspect attains access into the building, by scaling a wall to an upper floor, and entering through an unlocked window. I have included a photo of the suspect for your information.

If you observe him on campus, call Public Safety immediately, at 212-854-5555. Please remember to close and lock your windows at the end of the business day. If you arrive at work in the morning, and notice your workspace has been tampered with, or the office seems to be in disarray, call Public Safety immediately. Please refrain from touching any items that may have been moved around until an investigation is completed.

An e-mail to the Computer Science Department counseled vigilance: “I saw him in the Mudd building lobby yesterday so he’s targeting our school. He [or she?!]’s been climbing in through windows so make sure you keep yours closed and locked.”

Update: Here is a second alert that Public Safety has released, detailing how a burglar in Pupin and Hamilton “gained entry [to offices] by using a fire extinguisher to beak the glass to the main suite door.” After contacting Public Safety, Bwog has learned that Schermerhorn is a third building that was broken into but not mentioned in any alerts.

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30 Comments

  1. blarg

    haha when did this release come out? was it supposed to go out to comp sci students?

    bwog how do you obtain these things before us?

  2. It

    It did go out to CS students

  3. ks

    WEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLl, obviously, we have a thief in computer sciences. He's climbing in your windows. He's snatchin' your laptops up, tryin' to rape 'em. So y'all need to hide yer macbooks, hide yer iPhones, and hide yer ipads, 'cause they raping everybody out hee-ya.

  4. Anonymous

    Is anyone else mildly impressed that he's been scaling walls?

  5. blarg

    hhahahahahaha wow...ok i got it forwarded it to me by a friend...i didnt get it though. am i not loved at SEAS? anyways let me guess, a chinese kid forwarded this to bwog yeah?

    sombrero time!

  6. Anon  

    "hide your kids hide your wife"

    I assumed BWOG would be above this; I guess I was wrong. You shouldn't be using a phrase that perpetuates the representation of Blacks as caricatures.

  7. Whoa!

    Didn't know that it was summer 2010 still!

    Internet memes tend to get old after a while...

  8. "hide your kids hide your wife"

    seriously??!

  9. Wondering

    Which buildings did he scale?

  10. You are

    so against racism that you have become racist.

    Cheers.

  11. those cameras...

    The pictures from the camera are so helpful...

    I'm white and I could still be confused for that burglar because the camera is so shitty.
    seriously my cell phone takes better resolution pictures and I don't own an iphone or an android or a blackberry.

  12. ens

    obviously parkour club is responsible

  13. Anonymous

    The picture shows him walking out of Hamilton, not scaling a wall at all. Maybe if Columbia buildings weren't open to everyone, then we wouldn't have so many theft problems.

  14. How

    is this not a favorite comment?

  15. How

    Sorry that was supposed to be a response to ks' post

  16. blarg

    i simply CANNOT FATHOM as to why ks got 72 "thumbs ups"...i mean, the author of this post even put the antoine dodson reference in the tags.... i don't really get why everyone thinks he made such an ingenious comment? i mean, it's an interesting comment but does it really deserve 72 thumbs ups?

    the talent of humor at this school just surprised me.... are you people seriously all uptight bookworms??

  17. Anon  

    I hate you all!!

    In other news, I think I may hold the title for "Most Dislikes to a Single Comment." 67 metaphorical thumbs down! Yay me!!

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