Congratulations, you made it through a whole semester’s worth of classes! Now all that stands between you and summer vacation is…finals. Procrastinate by checking out all of the ridiculous things professors said before ending class. If you forgot to send one in, or we just foolishly overlooked it, feel free to share it in the comments. And when you’re done seeing how funny your professors can be, don’t forget to review them on CULPA!

Judith Russell, Intro to American Politics: “The West Wing is like porn for Democrats.”

Joseph Traub, Scientific Computation: “I appreciate you all being here on such a gorgeous day. If I didn’t have to be here, I wouldn’t.”

Marcellus Blount, African American Literature II: “We’re not going outside today. It’s too distracting. People aren’t wearing a lot of clothes…I didn’t say that.”

Bernard Tamas, Intro to Comparative Politics: “There’s nothing I can teach you about being mad. You sort of just pick that up.”

In Interpretation of Culture:

“You can’t choose your family. You were born this way.”
Class laughs.
“What? Is there something funny about identity politics?”
Class explains that it’s a song.
“There’s a song called Identity Politics?!”

Pascale Crépon, Elementary French II: “It’s amazing how depressing it is on Fridays in this room. I need a mojito afterwards, but I have another class…”

Chris Durning, Transport Phenomena II: “If you go to France and don’t speak French, you’re going to have a hard time finding the toilet.”

Michael Como, Buddhism: East Asian: “Speaking of compassion and karma, your course evaluations…”

Bruce Robbins, Contemporary Edgy Fiction: “If the future of literature is in your hands, I think it’s pretty safe. So go! Propagate!…and join book clubs!”

Gareth Williams, Selections from Latin Literature: Horace: “You will translate five out of eight passages. Five out of six if I’m feeling ticklish.”

Akbar Zaidi, History of Modern Pakistan: “I’ve had a great time teaching this class…some of you are outstanding, many of you are very good.”

Malcolm Doldron, Rowing: “Please recommend this class to anyone that you hate.”

Sanat Kumar, Chemical Engineering Thermodynamics: “I’ve come down from Mt. Olympus. I’ve come down to the level of this class. I’ve come down to the level of walking people.”

Vic Corona, The Culture Industry: “I don’t think teaching is for me. I will teach my summer course and then find something else to do with my life. In the words of RuPaul, good luck and don’t fuck it up!”

Core Reflections

Ajay Chaudhary, Contemporary Civilization: “Congratulations, you’re all civilized Westerners.”

Edward Mendelson, Literature Humanities: “I’m not sure you all realize how much better writers and thinkers you are all compared to the beginning of the term. And I take full credit for it.”

Evan Neely, Contemporary Civilization: “Martinis should be stirred, not shaken. Appletinis should be poured down the drain.”

Neslihan Senocak, Contemporary Civilization: “Think about how much fun you have with your friends, with someone you really like, even if you’re just sitting and talking over a beer! And that’s what life should be like, every minute. That’s what I really want you to take away from CC!”

Nancy Workman, Literature Humanities: “As a student wrote on my evaluation one year, ‘What does iambic pentameter have to do with my life?!'”

Robert Thomas, Contemporary Civilization: “I’ve actually spent some time at the University of Chicago, and it’s true. Nobody has fun there.”

Anonymous Professor, Contemporary Civilization: “How much of what I’ve told you about myself over the course of this semester do you think is true or valid? Absolutely none of it.”

Retro goodbye from Wikimedia Commons.