Today, from 4 to 6 pm, Prezbo held a “Garden Party” to celebrate 30 years of Community Impact tutoring children and adults, conducting health outreach, and generally working to improve the community. It was pretty swanky. Waiters who could have doubled as J-Crew models served hors d’œuvres of all kinds. The duck-and-apricot satchels titillated the taste buds of the well-dressed guests.  The lemonade “tasted like skittles.” When one Bwogger asked for water, the waiter responded, “Sparkling or still? Lemon or lime?” The event demonstrated Columbia’s ability to fulfill the most demanding, Gossip-Girly Ivy League fantasy.

It seemed an egregious waste of tuition dollars, but nobody on the receiving end complained…

The event took place in PrezBo’s garden, which lies in the shadow of Wien. Fifty or so CI members and administrators gather on some really dank grass. About 30 minutes in, PrezBo gave a short speech about CI; he was followed by several CI operatives. After some nice words by all parties, PrezBo took the mic again addressing stressed undergrads, “I know this is a tough time for you. Relax, eat, and take as much food as you can carry.”

Behaving like a common dog.

After that, everyone returned to mingling and the waiters served more skittles-lemonade. Out of nowhere, PrezBo’s dog showed up! PrezBone, far less classy than his dandruff-free master, ate scraps off the ground. PrezBone acted just like any other puppy, and honestly behaved below his station.

This event was classy as fuck, even if a little ironic. Washing down duck-and-apricot satchels with sparkling water and lime while hobnobbing with PrezBo in a multi-million dollar mansion overlooking Harlem and Morningside Park felt a little strange—especially considering it’s a program that works to help our neighbors.

Hors , d’œuvre