“The kind of kid who always comes back with a story,” this wise senior got a whopping 6 nominations.
Name, school: Rajib Mitra, Electrical Engineering – SEAS (took many of my friends 3 years to realize this)
Claim to fame: No degree from any prestigious university will ever parallel with handing Snoop Dogg a cup of gin and juice while he performed the song at Bacchanal. Also I’m that tall asshole in the front row of every Bacchanal blocking your view.
My friends know me for a bunch of things, but I may or not be responsible for Columbia being at the top of this list. I’ve also been deemed as the non-threatening, unassuming wingman for those nights out on the town where I have to diffuse the otherwise creepy post 3:30 am advances by my friends at 1020.
Where are you going? I’ll be working at Boeing in Philadelphia. Defense Design and Analysis Electrical Engineer I believe is the title. Find me if you’re in Philly anytime.
Three things you learned at Columbia:
1. Cramster is tragically no longer useful after freshman year.
2. In engineering, 12 pages, and 8 hours of correct work with a wrong final answer gets you a 3/10. Be proud of this 3/10.
3. How to become unforgivably and embarassingly good at Super Smash Brothers N64.
“Back in my day…” Koronets was $2.75. Every 25 cent per year increase has been a dagger into my likely clogged artery heart.
Justify your existence in 30 words or fewer: Too gangster for hipsters, too hip for gangsters
Is the War on Fun over? Who won? Any war stories? We are in the final stage of one of the greatest battles in history. I would say to my fellow seniors as I said to those who have joined this party: I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears, and sweat. We had before us an ordeal of the most grievous kind. We have had many, many long months of struggle and suffering (in the morning)…You ask, what was our aim? I can answer in one word: Victory. Victory at all costs—victory in spite of terror—victory, however long and hard the road was, for without victory there was no survival.
Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? Unless you are lactose intolerant, the answer should be oral sex. If you say otherwise, you are wrong. Actually, even if you are lactose intolerant you should still pick oral sex. You survived the post-John Jay dining hall afterparty in your tummy, you know you can suck it up for glorious cheese.
Advice for the class of 2015: As tempting as it might be, don’t friend request all the cute girls in the Columbia 2015 Facebook group.
Any regrets? None. On a serious note I made THE best friends I think I’ll ever make. Columbia can be a tough place to navigate but I’m so fortunate to have likely had the wildest, most fulfilling, and intellectually stimulating 4 years of my life with them. PEACE.
Know someone wise? Submit your nominees’ UNIs and a few good tales to email@example.com.