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PrezBo’s Personal Brand, Dissected

Our fearless leader PrezBo is an image-conscious guy. The programs he promotes, people and dignitaries he associates with, and swanky parties he throws all work together for a purpose: to extend his personal brand of badass, “do it live,” presidency. To that end, his office released a new outward-facing portrait this year. Using all of his Art Hum might, former CSI: Miami photo analyst, Conor Skelding, will try to dissect its meaning for you.

 

Why is his primary portrait only released in tiny?

  • His hair. There is a hole in the ozone named for Lee C. Bollinger’s hair products. Just so coiffed, just so mussed up. Dammit, the man has a head of hair.
  • That shit-eating grin. After his hair, that smirk is our president-for-life’s more distinctive feature. This is a man with a plan. His grin says, “Speak your thoughts, share your beat poems in town halls, I’ve already thought four steps ahead. Checkmate, bitch.
  • The Casio. Watches speak volumes about a person. PrezBo has the power and money to really work a huge, diamond-encrusted watch. But he doesn’t need Donald Trump’s ostentation. He’d rather wear the sensible watch and instead just flaunt the shit out of his raw power.
  • Sitting across from you. He’s sat down for a meeting with little old you! In this most impersonal encounter—a studio photo, for God’s sake—he’s conveying some personal connection. Or trying to.
  • Hands clasped, fingers interlaced. PrezBo is ready to get down to business! Whether the issue du jour is seeing blight declared in NY courts, giving world leaders a tongue-lashing, or just belittling the University Senate, he’s ready to deal with it in a serious, yet personal, way.
  • Eyes crinkled, focused on you. If the Greeks believed eyes were windows to the soul, PrezBo’s are made of one way glass. He’s looking at you. Into you. Is he seriously considering what you’re saying? Patronizing you? Imagining you naked? You’ll never know.
  • Tie knot askew, shirt a little wrinkled, no jacket. He’s a busy man, who has sat across a table from you and given you his attention. Even casually ruffled, he looks great. Heck, he looks great no matter what he’s wearing.

Image via columbia.edu.

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26 Comments

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous #thingsthatmakemeloveBwog

    1. Prezbo is in a secret society says:

      @Prezbo is in a secret society you know….hair club for men.

      1. and says:

        @and he kind of looks like chuck norris.

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous fantastico

  • I will never stop laughing says:

    @I will never stop laughing ever.

  • You know you read Bwog too much when... says:

    @You know you read Bwog too much when... you know what all of the links are without having to click on them.

  • OMGeez says:

    @OMGeez Love this! What a BAMF. :)

  • Since the froshies probably don't know... says:

    @Since the froshies probably don't know... The reason the internet exists: http://twitter.com/#!/lee_bollinger

  • Sometimes says:

    @Sometimes I wonder whether it might be better to have a university president who provided some tangible benefit to the undergraduate population, as opposed to the distant figurehead known as “PrezBo.”

    1. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous liek mimoo bruh?

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous Prezbo weirdly reminds me of Putin

    1. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous He should really model his next photo shoot after this: http://www.irasabs.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/vladimir-putin.jpg

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous stop worshipping this greedy asswipe

    1. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous go fuck yourself.

      Bollinger is what is going to change HYP to HYPC

      1. no, go fuck YOURself says:

        @no, go fuck YOURself You pre-professional whore. Would have gone to “HYP” had you gotten in, don’t care about the Core, only how much golden Goldman rain you can guzzle.

        1. ... says:

          @... sometimes i wish i was a wealthy child so i could then look down on the plebs with their pedestrian concerns like gainful employment and paying off student loans.

          actually.. no. now that i think of it, i don’t at all. because then i’d be a grade a asshat.

        2. Anonymous says:

          @Anonymous I’m not a pre-professional whore. I just have some school pride, that’s all.

        3. Anonymous says:

          @Anonymous see this is what i meant about columbia undergrads hating on preprofessionals when i got thumb downs.

          please grow up.

    2. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous irony

  • i prefer says:

    @i prefer i like the accrostification CHYP better. it reads more like a tasty snack.

    1. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous yummm. Chyps.

    2. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous Sounds like you’ve got a CHYP on your shoulder, mate.

  • Did anyone else notice? says:

    @Did anyone else notice? Look how his head connects to his shoulders….yep, definitely a robot

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous Blow-dry-inger

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous More like PrezBro.

  • Van Owen says:

    @Van Owen He’s actually a dick.

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