Louis XIV may have sported some pretty high stilettos (thanks for the cocktail party fodder, Core Curriculum), but at least he had the courtesy not to stomp around the Ref Room. Heel Hater Meriam Raouf profiles that Butler Archetype whose sharp clicks down the marble hallway are turning your hair gray.
It’s Sunday night. You’ve managed to squeeze yourself into a prime spot (read: comfy armchair) in your favorite Butler room. The desk is warm, you’ve got extra highlighters, and you’ve run out of things to read in your newsfeed. You’ve hit the pinnacle of study conditions—and just in time, you think to yourself, as you open a Word document to start that 5-page paper due tomorrow afternoon.
Maybe you’ll even take it to the writing center in the morning and have someone proofread it. Ah, the very thought.
As you relish in your own academic planning and maturity, you can’t help but scoff at your disorganized peers who are very clearly watching Parks and Rec on their own laptops. But just as you’re really getting lost in your academic wet dreams…
…you… [Left foot]
…hear… [Right foot]
She comes to a halt, right beside your spot. She is wearing pumps, or wedges—whatever they are, they sound like tap shoes. And she will shuffle around your Butler room for the rest of the night.
Having found no empty seats directly next to you, she will proceed to pace up and down the stretch of walkway closest to you, pausing between the tables like a confused high school teacher proctoring an SAT exam. She’ll scan the tables for an empty spot, and upon finding one, will eventually settle down.
But not for long.
During this second lap, The Girl With Noisy Heels will give you a polite nod; she seeks your understanding and compassion. She’ll now leave her stuff to go down to buy coffee (“Be right back,” she’ll mouth, with a wink). She will click and clack out of the room, and you’ll let yourself relax, just a little bit.
With a sigh, you’ll put your janky Apple Store headphones on, hoping her heels break on the way to Blue Java.
But, no—rest assured, she will return, hot cup of coffee in hand. It won’t be until she sits down for about a millisecond that she’ll realize just how badly she has to use the bathroom. And then another millisecond before she’ll realize she forgot her phone in the bathroom, and before you know it, she’ll be looking for a new spot (“Creaky chair,” she’ll mouth, once again with a wink).
You don’t know why she wore her Louboutins to Butler, but you be sure that she’ll wear the heels down by the time you can even think of a thesis.
@Anonymous I KNOW WHO SHE IS AND I AM LITERALLY JUST ITCHING TO POST HER NAME UP HERE. EVERY TIME I SEE HER IN 209 I WANT TO SMACK THE BITCH UP SO HARD
@anon 10 points for the use of the work janky! Good job Bwog.
@Anonymous and fodder
@Anonymous One of the many reasons to not study in Butler!
@Tammer MERIAM IS TOTALLY WACK
@Sorry Guys!!! omg this is so me!
@Anonymous what the fuck is wrong with you. seriously. what. i want to know. ive wanted to hurt you for a very long time now.
@Ahhhhh..... Parks and Rec!!
@Anonymous what about the girl who gives out free muffins outside butler
@Hmm Is that a euphemism?
@Sharp-Dressed Woman Heels are the best way to scare off the bedbugs in 403.
@Jk Sounds like a girl from Barnard. They can’t attention for right reasons so better distract everyone by wearing heels and doing the clop, clop, clop, clop, clop……..Ah I hate disturbing elements in the sacred halls of Butler.
@Anonymous Barnard girls ARE the reason I go to Butler.
@Anonymous Highly doubtful. Barnard girls are so emaciated you can’t even hear them walking with heels on.
@Anonymous lots of barnard girls hot on the dislike button…
@"like a confused high school teacher proctoring an SAT exam”
I hope no one denies the veracity of this metaphor. Otherwise my entire high-school experience will be forced to unravel.
@Anonymous there is just one girl who fits this archetype perfectly.
Asian, kinda fugly face, and she walks around Butler literally for hours. I’ve seen her settle, deposit her stuff, leave, come back, and pack up and leave again. It’s not to find open spots, but just to move, I guess.
For a while last semester, I seriously thought she was a ghost, because her existence was so absurd. She must have mental problems or something.
@Anonymous “She must have mental problems or something.” Well aren’t you just a smart, thoughtful person to conclude with that inference.
@Cady Heron I know it may look like I was being like a bitch, but that’s only because I was acting like a bitch.
@Anonymous This archetype isn’t just in Butler, she’s EVERYWHERE. And driving us all crazy.
@For the love of God someone please tell me the whereabouts of S.P.!