Welcome back from Thanksgiving Break—if you were one of the fortunate Columbians who left campus, that is. If you weren’t, you probably tried to steer clear of Butler. But these guys didn’t; join hands with Amateur Expert Anthropologist Claire Sabel as she paints a very pretty picture of The Long Weekender. 

Representation of hypoallergenic cats that Louise McCune may or may not have smuggled into Butler.

Unable to return home for the holidays because they’ve developed a sudden and violent allergy to the childhood pet, and just really need some space right now, the Weekenders abandon their families for the safest space there is: the Reference Room of Butler Library. Sighing contentedly in their misery, they move in Thursday night, sporting an assemblage of sweats and PJs designed to exclaim, “Yeah it’s Thursday night, I’m comfy, and I don’t give a fuck.”

The Ref Room is a strategic choice. You don’t just put your feet up and take a snooze in here. Only under ceilings of this height can the loft of their academic ambitions soar to their true heights, buoyed by thoughts of frivolous freshpeople at home with their parents complaining about the Iliad and sexting their darkest LLC fantasies.

Since they’re here for the long-haul, the Weekenders bring all the essentials. There’s going to be so much space for the next few days, and they really want to utilize it. A pillow pet, a large bag of M&Ms, the ten books at the core of their thesis research, glasses, contacts, glasses cleaner and contact solution, are all laid out. It passes 11, 12, and the Weekenders thoughtfully gaze down at their reading, occasionally around at each other, and munch peacefully on the M&Ms (they’re holiday-themed). Soon though, one notices a neighbor has set aside his work and opened up a copy of Deadalus. Others around the room notice this shift to recreational, yet still intellectual, activity, and gradually follow suit. A trickle-down effect is noticeable, as screens across the Ref Room display Ted Talks, then xkcd.

Soon enough, every Weekender has given up pretense of academic pusuit and is watching a Pixar movie (Toy Story 3 is noticeably dominant). Safe in the knowledge that everyone else is in the same boat, with only the best of intentions, these archetypes do not judge.

After all, they’ve got the entire weekend ahead of them.