With less than two weeks of classes left, chances are you’ve found yourself Butler-bound, day after day. And that elite species of Blue Java-loving Stacks inhabitants—known to the more general public as the Butler Archetypes—are by your side the whole time. Rest your head on Conor Skelding’s very soft shoulder as he reminds you why that’s a bad thing…
While more practical students use cNet terminals for a quick print, these patrons of the library have a loftier goal—populist film criticism.
Writing under pen names such as “nycQT2015” and “butlerbabe69,” they craft sharp invective, intended to cut down those presumptuous enough to upload sub-par content to Youtube. Such apt critiques take minutes of painfully complex consideration—should they begin with the more straightforward, “You obviously know nothing about Return of the King,” or prove their superiority with a pithy line such as, “You’re just a dick, like Saruman”?
Whether ensconced in the computer lab, 209, or the Ref Room, these arbiters of Internet fodder impress everybody waiting patiently to print. Before the day is done, they will even showcase their abilities to enjoy the ultimate no-brow entertainment: drooling, gaping infants. And what do they have to say for themselves?