icebreak your way out of this one, bitch

METAphor for you, icebreaking your way through NSOP

Yes, of course, your NSOP OLs know all the nice and effective icebreakers that can be played out on the sunny lawns, but what about when the sun goes down and everyone moves inside?  Bwog is here for you to bond with your new classmates and let your inner party animal out at the zoo tonight.  Please celebrate responsibly!

Bwog sleeps soundly knowing that somewhere a group of strangers is getting to know each other via a revealing game of Never Have I Ever.  But what happens when you’re going into your eighteenth round in four days and you’re totally bored of it?  That’s where we’ve got you covered.  Don’t give in to your animal instincts, just play Meta Have I Ever:

The trick to this game is secrecy.  No one is to know that you are actually playing it–unless you and a friend or two are secretly competing.  Throughout a game of Never Have I Ever, give yourself 1 point each time you note one of the following happening:

  • Someone looks around to see what everyone else is doing before putting down a finger* [or not putting one down]
  • Only one person drinks at a particularly embarrassing turn, making everyone (including his/herself) uncomfortable
  • Player says a never have I ever but quickly stops–“woops, JK, I’ve totally done that”
  • Same as above but person pretends to be embarrassed while secretly proud
  • Same as above but person shamelessly did it to brag
  • On a turn, player calls out a specific person in the circle
  • Player sets out highly specific situation to insinuate that they’ve done it (i.e. never have I ever been arrested for indecent exposure…before noon on a weekday)
  • With lack of imagination and all bases already used, player resorts to geographic never have I ever (i.e. been to Antarctica, lived in Carman)
  • “Never have I ever wanted to hook up with someone in this room” followed by uncomfortable shifting [extra point if anyone actually puts down a finger]
  • “Never have I ever hooked up with someone in this room” [extra point if an even amount of people puts down a finger; extra 2 points if an odd amount of people puts down a finger]
  • Player says never have I ever been kissed and naively looks to see if anyone will kiss her/him right then
  • Nerdy player clearly just took that drink to keep up with everyone else in the circle
  • Player claims they can’t think of anything they haven’t done
  • “Friend” balks and starts screaming “I KNOW YOU DID THAT PUT YOUR FINGER DOWN RIGHT NOW, BITCH!”
  • Someone tries to discreetly put a finger back up between turns
  • Someone tries to discreetly put a finger down between turns
  • Player starts crying

*Note: we acknowledge that, depending on your game, this could be putting down a finger or taking a drink

At the end of the game, add up your points.  Now drink according to the following scale:
  • 1-5 points: 3 shots of Gordon’s with fruit juice of choice.  What a civilized game you just played.  Actually, were you even playing?  Damn, we kind of want to make you drink more to spice up your life after such a boring game.
  • 6-10 points: 1.5 red solo cups of jungle juice.  Your night seems to be just about on track.  You’ve had a nice pregame and now it’s off to a frat house!
  • 11-15 points: 3 Natty Lights or PBRs, depending on what stereotype you’re trying to make yourself out as this week.  Things are getting a little rowdy, but no need for hard liquor with the group you’re chilling with.
  • 16-20 points: 5 shots Nikolai.  You need it.  It’s probably best to throw your phone into the lion cage so you don’t text everyone about how annoying everyone around you is. Godspeed.
Icebreaker IRL via Wikimedia Commons