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What To Bring To Under1Roof (We Think)

Under 1 of these

In preparation for Under1Roof, which we are told is an NSOP event, we’ve prepared a list of must-haves, purely based on hearsay. Nobody within three degrees of the Bwog staff has ever actually attended, but some of us are still getting “stern e-mails” about scheduling a make-up session years later, and thought we might as well try to help a freshman out before it’s too late.

  • Change of pants
  • Latex gloves
  • Your earliest memory
  • 32 pack of Vitamin Water
  • Metaphors
  • 50 Shades of Grey, 1st Edition Hardcover
  • Extra layers
  • Dove’s blood
  • A shit ton of mayonnaise
  • Air mattress
  • Bop-It Extreme
  • Diversity
Refresher course in what a roof is via Wikimedia Commons

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52 Comments

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous this is just unfunny.

  • bwogfail says:

    @bwogfail This is so offensive. Under1Roof has an actual, serious, purpose. It is about learning to coexist in a complex and diverse campus and world. It is not a joke, and the fact that BWOG treats it as such simply underscores why we need Under1Roof.

    Please, incoming students please take go to Under1Roof and take it seriously. It can be really eyeopening and beneficial.

    1. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous The kids that don’t know how to “coexist in a complex and diverse campus and world” should’ve been weeded out during the admissions process.

      You’re going to college in NYC. No shit things are diverse.

      Oh, and tell me where it says the NSOP bullshit is a graduation requirement.

      1. bwogfail says:

        @bwogfail Coexistence is a dynamic and ongoing process, not a simple skill. It requires constant engagement and dedication. It must be actively developed. You need only look at the state of international affairs to see that coexistence in this complex world of ours is no simple thing–nevertheless it is of supreme importance.

      2. lmfao says:

        @lmfao let me guess, you think society is “post-racial,” don’t you.

        1. Anonymous says:

          @Anonymous Has anyone ever used the word “post-racial” as anything other than a strawman?

          1. lmfao says:

            @lmfao fucking captcha, copy/pasted:

            yes. consider yourself very lucky if you haven’t heard it being used seriously.

    2. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous Seriously? We aren’t allowed to joke about something if it has an “actual, serious purpose” and has the potential to be “eyeopening and beneficial”? I guess we aren’t allowed to tell jokes at the expense of the Core anymore.

      I thought this list was funny because it played off the freshman mystery of what the hell Under1Roof was all about (I remember a lot of NSOP rumors about people just breaking down in tears at the sheer emotional power of the event), but even if you didn’t think it was funny, calling it offensive is just overblown. Sure, Under1Roof has a nice goal, and it might have been offensive if this post attacked that goal, but in practice, Under1Roof has essentially zero impact on most Columbia students, and it is not offensive to say that.

      1. bwogfail says:

        @bwogfail I, myself, was personally offended. So I cannot agree with your assessment about it being overblown.

        And, of course, we are allowed to joke about whatever we want. But in this case should we? And most specifically should we when the result of the joke is to undermine the effectiveness of the program itself? I would say no.

        1. Anonymous says:

          @Anonymous Shut up already.

    3. SEAS ’12 says:

      @SEAS ’12 Actual, serious purpose? They sure didn’t do a good job of taking it seriously themselves. When I was a freshman, Under1Roof accidentally scheduled me to attend at the same as some other (equally important) orientation event. At some point, they emailed me saying they’d schedule me for another session.

      They never did. I still don’t know what Under1Roof really is or why it’s so important.

  • Anon says:

    @Anon Under one roof was useless lets not kid ourselves. For the majority of us who are cool with diversity and stuff it is a waste of our time and for the few racist people 1 hour isn’t going to change their views. Overall just punishing the majority of people for the misgivings of a select few

    1. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous hour?! how was yours only one hour? no. you didn’t get the full experience. it was like three hours enough to change a few minds

    2. Hmm... says:

      @Hmm... …this must be someone who probably doesn’t know what a microaggression is. ;)

  • uh i don't get it? says:

    @uh i don't get it? are you encouraging first years not to attend?

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous what you mean like racism? or like slavery? or the systematic and very institutional structures that fuck over people of color?

    how cute of you to put all of that in a pretty little box and label it “misgivings of a select few”

    so glad that you’re so “cool with diversity” (thanks?) that you feel exempt from actually thinking about ish for a minute.

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous wtf bwog … this is dumb

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous If your really so “cool with diversity and stuff” then Under1Roof shouldn’t feel like a punishment. Maybe you should reconsider how you really feel about “diversity and stuff.”

    1. being required to go to Under1Roof... says:

      @being required to go to Under1Roof... …might be slightly akin to being forced to sit through a two-hour math class on addition and subtraction when you’re a physics PhD candidate. I am all for diversity and teaching people to coexist and accept differences, but if you’ve spent the first 18 years of your life dealing with it, the rudimentary stuff introduced in Under1Roof is repetitive and not helpful.

  • Hey! Hey, Bwog! says:

    @Hey! Hey, Bwog! Check your motherfucking privilege.

    Sincerely,
    The Committee on Thinking Like a Respectful Human Being.

    1. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous What does this expression mean? Is bwog a rich white male? I’m sincerely wondering.

      Also, cursing at someone whom you’re telling to act more respectful is not a great tactic to take.

    2. black girl says:

      @black girl oh SHUT THE F*** UP

      1. black girl says:

        @black girl that was meant as a reply to Hey! Hey! Bwog

  • Dear Columbia '16-ers, says:

    @Dear Columbia '16-ers, Welcome to four years of hearing about Privilege from your co-privileged student colleagues. Nod your head and keep your true thoughts to yourself, lest you be mistaken for a White Devil.

    1. lmfao says:

      @lmfao those who speak about privilege do not try to say that they don’t have it. acknowledging one’s privilege is an important step towards education. obviously as students at an ivy league school we are the privileged, but there are different types. you can be a part of the in-group and still feel isolated because you come from a poor family, or you’re a minority, or you’re trans, or you’re a woman. this shit is like animal farm; we are all equal, but some are more equal than others.

      1. you tell it, says:

        @you tell it, my metaphorical sibling of undetermined gender!

  • Now, now... says:

    @Now, now... …you can’t blame Bwog for trying to “lighten things up” as someone suggested several posts ago.

    In other words: lighten up.

    (I don’t mean that in any racial sense whatsoever. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Unless you think there is, in which case I respect your opinion and validate it by acknowledging it and celebrating it as uniquely yours or, alternately, as being an important part of your cultural contribution to our global community which I recognize as being made up of equals…not that anyone needs my validation or recognition as a Privileged White Male, who comes from a racial and cultural background based entirely on the subjugation, exploitation, and destruction of non-Western cultures and peoples and who, even now, enjoys the fruits of the institutionalized racism my ancestors carved into history.)

    But, yeah, anyway…I’ll be the guy with the shit-ton of mayo. ;)

    xoxo

    1. WHITE GUY BEING POST-RACIAL says:

      @WHITE GUY BEING POST-RACIAL my my, aren’t you edgy. i bet you have lots of friends who are minorities who love how witty you are about race and your family history.

      1. HEY...! says:

        @HEY...! SOME OF MY BEST FRIENDS ARE MINORITIES!

        1. WHITE BREAD BEING TOAST RACIAL says:

          @WHITE BREAD BEING TOAST RACIAL Seriously, though: lighten up. Some people don’t feel like Under1Roof is worth a damn, other people think it’s great. Columbia seems to think it’s a good way to open dialogue about community and so it stands.

          I don’t think anyone–myself included–is making any kind of case for its abolition, so why so prickly? Your apparent hypersensitivity brings about as much to the dialogue than my apparent insensitivity.

          You let every troll rain on your diversity parade or just the ones you think are melanin-deficient?

      2. Anonymous says:

        @Anonymous His disagreeing with you doesn’t make him a racist. Really, this taunting and nastiness is uncalled for. Save it for actual racism. I can’t stand you people, screeching about privilege every time you want to shut somebody and their ideas down because they make you uncomfortable.

  • cc 2014 says:

    @cc 2014 The comments here are just inane. On a personal note, I really liked my Under1Roof. I was forced to do a bunch of diversity programs in high school, and they were an utter waste of time. The conversation here though was thoughtful and meaningful, and I remember feeling really good about choosing Columbia because of it.

    Plus, I thought it was the only substantive program during NSOP.

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous If this Under1Roof thing is supposed to be a serious academic conversation about diversity and community, then where’s the freaking syllabus? Why is it being led by undergraduates, and not professors? Get the entire Columbia history department to give some lectures on institutional racism, the role of religion, human tribalism, etc., then I’ll take this seriously.

    1. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous That would actually be really cool. However the undergraduates doing actually do a pretty decent job.

    2. There's a course for that... says:

      @There's a course for that... …and it’s called Comparative Ethnic Studies. Maybe we should have Okihiro do an introductory lecture for freshpeople during NSOP to talk about this. I’d be down for that.

    3. Hmm... says:

      @Hmm... I don’t think it’s supposed to be an academic conversation. Who said it was? It’s just trying to get student talking to each other.

  • I says:

    @I really like this post. But I also liked Under1Roof. Does this make me Mitt Romney?

    1. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous Mitt Romney has no soul. And up until 1978, believed that black people were not fully blessed by God.

      1. really? says:

        @really? Dude, c’mon. I vote democrat and all, but that’s a bit much.

      2. Anonymous says:

        @Anonymous it’s true, I learned that from the Book of Mormon OST

  • CC'13 says:

    @CC'13 under1roof may be slightly tone deaf at times, but i think of all NSOP programs it is so mocked and undermined that to keep making jokes about it only contributes to the all-to-common misconception that as long as you don’t want to burn crosses on someone’s lawn, you don’t have to confront and understand your own privilege.

    the conversation about race is so much more nuanced and convoluted than simply appreciating the civil rights movement, lgbtq issues are more than a question of marriage, and understanding disabilities is more than helping to fund a wheelchair ramp. these issues don’t just work themselves out in our politics, they live in our language, attitudes and assumptions.

    Bwog, please recognize the importance of under1roof and acknowledge it. maybe in a few years, the program will have sunk in more deeply, the campus conversation may be fundamentally altered, and the situation will be ripe for a joke. as of now, however, many members of our community are not just simply offended but made to feel unsafe and undervalued as a consequence of seemingly “normal” behavior and values.

    signed,
    a repentant senior, who 3 years ago during an under1roof conversation on abilities listed hers as “flight”.

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous These comments are ridiculous.

    This is a satirical post. It’s intended to be funny; No one ever goes to Under1Roof and it’s having a laugh at that.

    That it was interpreted by some as a commentary on the value of diversity at Columbia is just absurd. Give Bwog a break.

  • dear first years says:

    @dear first years I thought Under1Roof was going to be a joke, and I went, and it turned out to be my favorite thing about NSOP. I ditched Consent is Sexy and now I regret it. Don’t be an assface, just do it, you might get something out of it.

    1. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous Did you rape someone?

      1. yeah says:

        @yeah but he checked his privilege first

  • Because, obviously says:

    @Because, obviously the best place to learn about diversity when you’re in New York, is in a wood-paneled classroom in Morningside Heights. Right…

    NSOP should consist of a scavenger hunt that takes students through then entire city, all the boroughs (besides Staten Island). That’s it and that’s all.

  • Hey guys, here's an idea says:

    @Hey guys, here's an idea Under1Roof… taught by Louis C.K.

    With special guest Chris Rock!

  • Mike says:

    @Mike Shit! just hit like by accident. Subtract one from the total people. Ok, carry on

  • Senior says:

    @Senior If nothing else, Under1Roof and Consent is Sexy (or whatever they’re calling it these days, damn kids get off my lawn) might give you some pretty good stories to tell. You might as well go.

  • Anon says:

    @Anon Consent is Sexy was much more useful to teaching me diversity than under1roof. It taught me that as long as your wearing a condom any two people can cum together!

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous Does anyone know why a hippo is the animal used in the logo? Just saying…

  • blaze up says:

    @blaze up we need fieldtrips to puertorican gay bars then chinatown foodfest.

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