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Can You Drink Back Your Student Life Fees?

This post is brought to you by Not Rocket Scientists

Paying fees kind of sucks. Drinking free alcohol is awesome. Lerner Pub, an event put on by student council, reconciles the two by using part of the elusively distributed Student Life fees to provide free beer to seniors several times each semester.

Because Bwog is a Liberal Artist and we like to show off our hard-earned podcast-learned questionably gained Frontiers knowledge, we decided that a little back-of-the-envelope calculation was very much in order. Here’s a rough estimate of the percent of student life fees you could “drink back” if you attended every Lerner pub of the year:

B-of-the-E Assumptions (based on intel from the Senior Class Council/Google)

  • Lerner Pub will occur roughly 8 times this year
  • Each Pub lasts 2 hours
  • Seniors are entitled 1 beer per hour
  • You will have that one friend who “isn’t really drinking tonight” and gives you his/her beer at least twice over the course of the semester, adding 2 beers to your total haul
  • The beers served at the first Pub were Magic Hat #9 (about $8/six-pack), Hoegaarden (about $8/six-pack) and Budweiser (about $6/six-pack) at wholesale prices
  • Student life fees are $698 per semester, which we’ll call $700

Science?

  • Student life fees for 8 semesters = $700 x 8 = $5,600
  • The average cost of a six-pack of Magic Hat #9, Hoegaarden and Budweiser is about $7.33
  • The average cost of one beer at Lerner Pub is approximately $1.22
  • If you attend every Lerner Pub and drink 1 beer/hour for 2 hours, plus you count the 2 beers from your friend who isn’t feeling it, you will drink 18 free beers
  • 18 beers x $1.20 = $21.60, aka $22
  • ($22 in beer / $5,600 in fees) x 100% = like .4%ish
Conclusions
  • A senior can drink back like .4%ish of his/her student life fees by attending every Lerner Pub and drinking the maximum number of beers.
  • Back-of-the-envelope calculations are a tested and proven method to procrastinate starting your reading, ever.
 Proof that aliens don’t NOT exist via Wikimedia Commons

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12 Comments

  • LEARNIN' says:

    @LEARNIN' Thanks, Bwog. You just taught me more useful math than High School AND Columbia.

  • G(odlovesmesoIdon'thavetotakeFrontiersof)S(cience) says:

    @G(odlovesmesoIdon'thavetotakeFrontiersof)S(cience) I have a twin brother. He doesn’t go here. I send him that frontiers with no explanation. Here’s our conversation:

    [10:11:40 PM] Me: http://youtu.be/FfbqFua7xLA
    [10:14:39 PM] Brother: lol
    [10:14:49 PM] Me: That’s a name of a class
    [10:14:55 PM] Me: people have to take it at CC
    [10:18:08 PM] Brother: is it like a remedial class?
    [10:18:19 PM] Me: LOL

  • GS '14 says:

    @GS '14 Nice. But I wouldn’t count the friend who “really isn’t drinking tonight.” That technically is subtracting from *his* student life fee, even if he’s just giving you his earnings.

  • The Dark Hand says:

    @The Dark Hand The real question here is what is happening to the remaining 99.6% of the student life fees?

    I sense an undergroud Spec subsidy that they’re trying to hide by distracting us with math and clouding our minds with booze. I wont be so easily silenced!

    I am the fire that burns against the evil publications, the light that brings the enlightenment, the horn that wakes the sleepers, the shield that guards the realms of students. I pledge my life and honor to the spe¢sucks(dot)wordpress(dot)com, for this night and all nights to come.

    1. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous guys this is so weird

      the spec sucks account is starting to grow on me

      1. Anonymous says:

        @Anonymous We are here to support you through this difficult time. Please reach out to Counseling and Psychological Services, which will have walk-in hours this week, or to one of the other advisers in the community. Services will be available at CPS on the 8th floor of Lerner Hall starting at 9:00 a.m. The Office of the University Chaplain (212-854-1493) will be available to assist students who may find comfort in talking with a chaplain or member of the clergy.

    2. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous Go crazy (well, in your case, crazier):

      http://foundationcenter.org/findfunders/990finder/

      Spec gets free office space from the university. There’s also a mystery gift/grant from an unknown source.

    3. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous Google 990 finder.

      Spec gets free office space.
      And a grant.

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous Is the Dark Hand our new Harmony Hunter?y

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous the new bwog layout is awful

  • CC-Alum says:

    @CC-Alum “- The average cost of a six-pack of Magic Hat #9, Hoegaarden and Budweiser is about $7.33
    -The average cost of one beer at Lerner Pub is approximately $1.22”

    Dear Bwog,
    Do you go to a bar and bring and expect to pay the same for a beer as you would at the liquor store? Highly doubtful. Does Lerner Pub serve you Hoegaarden? It did not when I was there.
    At least calculate with proper prices. A beer at a bar will be $4-6 and not $1.22

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous wait no the beer at lerner pub is free, so theyre dividing the cost of a 6 pack by 6 to get the cost of a single beer and that is the amount you make by drinking in columbia

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