Lack of heels is a vestige of 40’s misogyny.

Think heels in Butler only cause loud noises and excessive classiness? Think again! Fatal fashionista Alexandra Svokos explains why these boots were made for walking in the library.

You hear those click-clacking scrapes walking up and down 209 and you cringe, wondering what on earth would inspire some girl to wear heels to the library.  But as you shake your head and send an angry tweet, she’s walking by with her head up high and purpose in her stride.  The girl (or boy!) who wears heels in the library does not walk timidly or cautiously; (s)he pushes ahead, alerting everyone in her(/his) path that (s)he is coming through and (s)he needs a full table to (him/)herself, dammit.

Heels give the wearer confidence.  If you walk into Butler in slippers and sweatpants with no makeup, you’re losing half the battle before it even begins.  As Karl Lagerfeld once said, “sweatpants are a sign of defeat.  You lost control of your life so you bought some sweatpants.”  You are admitting to yourself that this night sucks and is going to be miserable and difficult.  The girl in heels, on the other hand, walks into Butler thinking “damn straight I’m going to write this paper, and it’s going to be just as awesome as these pumps.”

Additionally, slippers lull you into a false sense of comfort.  Slippers are relaxing and kindly, you will eventually believe that what you are working on is not as important as slumping down in your chair and watching a bunch of youtube videos.  Meanwhile, structured clothes like heels make you sit up straight and be more self-aware.  They put you into a more businesslike mindset, allowing you to do focused work for a longer amount of time.

Walking through the library in heels takes reserves of strength.  You have to know that everyone is judging you, and you have to hold up your head above that.  You have to own it.  Beyond giving you that burst of confidence, it allows you to practice ignoring everybody around you to complete your task.  Since everyone is focused on you, you don’t have to focus on anyone but yourself.  The idiots drawing dicks are irrelevant.  You will be their boss one day.  The sneezing and wheezing jerk who won’t just go home will give you space because he respects how good you look.  And the whisperers and starers?  Of course they’re talking/looking at you.  So show them how it’s done: finish your essay in a burst of solid work, toss away your iced coffee, and meet your friends at the Heights in time for happy hour.

For the boys and girls who refuse to wear heels, the heel wearer can be beneficial, too.  Her clomps down the hall will jerk you out of your reddit k-hole and make you aware of just how little work you are doing.  The tick-tocking clicks remind you that time is passing, but are you?  The even pace of her steps will push you onto a purposeful beat of typing–and not typing a long, angry Bwog comment, but a paper.

Yes, she’s loud.  Yes, she’s annoying.  Sure, she might be a bitch.  But you know what?  In the words of Tina Fey, bitches get stuff done.

Shoe sexism via Wikimedia Commons