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When Parents Text: Hurricane Sandy Edition

An impending sense of doom among parents as Sandy approaches

As Hurricane Sandy continues brewing, so do the fears of our concerned parents. What better way for those who love us to communicate their anxieties than via text? So, in the spirit of Whenparentstext.com, Bwog wants to know what ridiculous/ominous/grammatically incorrect things your parents are texting you! Below are some texts from the Bwog staff’s parents; leave yours in the comments section!

“Close window tonite [sic]…be careful of near trees…tree limbs can fall…do not go down by riverside…flooding river.”

“Do u need me 2 bring u food. i can bring food.”

“You’re from Florida. You’re a Hurricane Veteran. This is nothing.”

“Fill your bathtub with water so you have water for the next few days.”

 Parents say the darndest things via Wikimedia Commons

 

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65 Comments

  • sanD says:

    @sanD Text from my mom: “bring your flashlight to the library”

    1. Thnx Grandma says:

      @Thnx Grandma Load up on food, water and pussy.

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous While talking to my mom on the phone, her biggest concern was the possibility of looting…

  • Text from towelie says:

    @Text from towelie Don’t forget to bring a towel!

  • Scissor Me Timbers! says:

    @Scissor Me Timbers! Text from my mother
    “Be sure to stock up on leggings, corned beef and the full anthology of happy days on cassette. Otherwise, I’ll dip you in a vat of liquified salami and cat nipples”

  • anon says:

    @anon “Don’t let your textbooks get wet.”

  • real text from my dad says:

    @real text from my dad not even kidding.

    him: Why won’t Columbia be flooded by the Hudson?
    me: umm. what? idk
    him: Because of all the dikes across the street.
    me: wow

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous as a floridian, i think im gonna go around punching people.

    1. Ugh says:

      @Ugh I hate hurricanes. All my Miami friends turn into douchemunches.

  • Anon says:

    @Anon From mom: “Okay. It’s windy outside and cloudy too. My hurricane specialists tell me that’s the beginning. So my peeps be safe. Don’t try to be a hero.”

    1. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous i love your mom!

  • anon says:

    @anon “Sleep in! Have another Halloween Party!” “Haha ok mom” “Did you guys get enough food and drinks? Drinks being the operative word”

  • Van Owen says:

    @Van Owen Wanna get high???

    1. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous you’re the biggest douche to have ever been a douche. If I ever have the misfortune to meet you in real life, I would love to vomit down your throat, piss through your nostrils and gel your hair with my shit.

      1. Van Owen says:

        @Van Owen The jokes on you because I would love every second of it

      2. Van Owen says:

        @Van Owen You’re a kinky little minx!! I like scat play as much as the next guy, but I haven’t tried water sports!!! Now, I have played momma bird baby bird before and I LOVE it. It reminds me of that time when I performed a little angry dragon with your little brother! Did you know that he likes anal play? Oh, do you like bokaki as much as your father does? I bet you do. Would you let me probe you with my sticky little fingers? You should come over right now and say hi to your mother! She’s over here making me some Sandy sammies. Oh, your mom wanted me to let you know that you’re a whore.

        1. McLala says:

          @McLala Shit, son! That was the nastiest comeback known to humankind…but I still thought it was hilarious…

          1. cc 13 says:

            @cc 13 tracking button fail

  • The Gentleman's Harvest says:

    @The Gentleman's Harvest Last night from mom: “I think I might put some money in your account just in case…”

    After evacs started: “You have $100 on your card. Buy water. BE SAFE!!!”

  • I was Superman for Halloween says:

    @I was Superman for Halloween “Put on your costume! NY needs you.” …ok, mom.

  • I thought hurricane season was over... says:

    @I thought hurricane season was over... “Be sure to buy plenty of water and hide some of it so that your roommates don’t drink it all”

  • ANON says:

    @ANON My dad, only message, 10AM: “I’m picking you up later.”

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous “I hear Frankestorm is coming your way. Are you okay? Make sure you get oranges”

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous “And carry your flashlight in your backpack just in case, along with any food. We worry. We love you.”

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous This is what Bwog is supposed to be all about. Makes us love Columbia more. Keep it coming Bwog!

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous All my mom said when I told her classes were cancelled and everything: “Omg.”

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous Bloomberg announced mandatory evacuation in zone A. Are you in zone A?

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous seriously just got this from mom:

    “stock up on food. canned beans and weenies.”

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous “Don’t eat too much halloween candy…u will get a tummy ache xoxo mom”

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous Got a phone call from my mom at 2pm, called back at 3pm. Her: “Why didn’t you answer? You need to keep your phone on you at all times the next couple days so we know you haven’t died.”

  • Thanks, Dad says:

    @Thanks, Dad “Stay away from windows possible broken glass… you can never b too prepared”

  • The Dark Hand says:

    @The Dark Hand “Make sure you have water and a flashlight! And no matter how bad things get, don’t you EVER read the Spec!” -The Dark Mom

    1. The Dark Hand says:

      @The Dark Hand this is an imposter, becuase my parents r the shadows and darkness itself but i still endorse this statement

    2. The Light Hand says:

      @The Light Hand “Spec will save you because their office is on the 3rd floor above street level and won’t flood. Also, don’t read bwog.” – The Light Mom

  • Batman says:

    @Batman My parents haven’t texted anything :'(

    1. Not a ComiCon type, but says:

      @Not a ComiCon type, but …isn’t Bruce Wayne an orphan?

      1. Rainier Wolfcastle says:

        @Rainier Wolfcastle THAT’S THE JOKE

    2. broken_symlink says:

      @broken_symlink this one time i went to a broadway show with my brother and parents, and i asked my parents if we could leave in the middle, and my brother said we can’t because then our parents would get killed in a back ally by some mugger like batman’s parents when he left during the middle of a show.

    3. The Honourably Based FILGB says:

      @The Honourably Based FILGB feels batman

  • lol? says:

    @lol? my parents haven’t texted or called.

  • Mom Knows Best says:

    @Mom Knows Best “I knew I should’ve packed you a switchblade. You know, in case things get bad. Like Zombie Apocalypse bad. I’ve seen it in the movies.”

  • liza says:

    @liza “Also make sure you keep your electronic gizmos charged at max.”

    1. Be Prepared! says:

      @Be Prepared! The vibe was the first thing I charged.

  • Priorities, She Has Them says:

    @Priorities, She Has Them “starbucks has closed all its stores in the city.,”

  • clean panties says:

    @clean panties “fill your bathtub with water, don’t walk outside alone, and bring spare panties to school in case they keep you there because it’s safer. you’ll want to have clean panties if you camp out at school for a few days”

  • Allison says:

    @Allison “Did you get waters and snacks for your room? Are there hurricane parties? Just stay in your building, ok?”

  • That's it, that's the text. says:

    @That's it, that's the text. “I love electricity.”

  • Classic Dad says:

    @Classic Dad “Let me know periodically about the storm…i am a storm chaser at heart.”

  • such a mother says:

    @such a mother “Don’t forget a mop. Mops can help heal all storms.”

  • I live in Nashville, TN... says:

    @I live in Nashville, TN... Mom: “Is it too late to fly you home??….Do you need me to FedeX you anything?”

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous “Stay in school. Don’t run around.”

  • In the midwest we only have tornadoes says:

    @In the midwest we only have tornadoes “Be careful. Don’t get too close to your window. Love you. Mommy”

  • anon says:

    @anon “I hope that everyone is wise and listens to the dire warnings. It is a monster”.- Grandma

  • cc '14 says:

    @cc '14 “Y’all can probably raid Barnyard college for supplies (don’t tell Mom I said that).”–Dad

  • anonymous says:

    @anonymous mom: R u alive?

  • Schools OUT says:

    @Schools OUT “Columbia cancelled classes 2 days in a row?? Wow that’s history.” hahaha you got that right mom!

  • CC 14 says:

    @CC 14 “It is good if the leaves are falling off of the trees, then the branches wont be so heavy and fall on you. But dont go outside for that to happen anyway”- My mom’s logic from the Middle East.

  • Anon says:

    @Anon Stay inside! Cranes are falling!

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous From my boyfriend’s mother: “Yikes! Stay away from windows…they r reporting a building collapsed in Manhattan…”

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous “Daughter, if anything happens, just RUN”

  • sent yesterday at 2pm... says:

    @sent yesterday at 2pm... “Just stay in dorm sleep,do not go out,big storm in your area”

  • Rob says:

    @Rob “don’t let your socks get wet”

  • BC '14 says:

    @BC '14 Nice to hear you have all of the “basics.” I’ve got plenty of Wacky Mac too.

  • CC '16 says:

    @CC '16 “We’re taking $5 from your bank account for every text you don’t respond to.”

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous Me: “Mom they cancelled school yay” Mom: this isn’t funny make sure you cook that chicken TONIGHT” Me: Ok ok jeez

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