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How To Write Your Final Paper: Thesis Statement Mad Libs

Writer’s block: solved

Writing papers on three hours of sleep and two shots of espresso is hard, but slaving away in Butler has its benefits–Bwog’s got the composition process almost down to a science. To help you through this finals season, here are some helpful guidelines for getting your thesis statement from your brain onto the page. First up, a guide to starting papers for CC and English classes.

CC

Man has been perfecting the art of ________ (philosophy/theology/deontepistemideology) since _________ (the beginning of time/whenever Ancient Greece was/twenty minutes ago when I opened this Word document). Though drastically different, both _________ (Greek-sounding name) and _________ (dead white guy from any other culture) have played instrumental roles in the development of ___________ (Western thought/pretentious party conversations/this class’s syllabus), and has directly influenced movements from __________ (obscure school of philosophy ending in “-ism”) to _________ (nineteenth century American political party). In this paper, I ________ (hope/aim/will desperately attempt over the course of ten straight hours in 209) to _________ (contrast/deconstruct/problematize) these thinkers’ views with regard to __________ (race/gender) through the lens of __________ (scholar recycled from UWriting). Ultimately, the legacy of these authors is mixed, both undeniably __________ (ten-syllable word meaning “good”) and troublingly  __________ (ten-syllable word meaning “racist” or “sexist”).

English

The relationship between ____ (protagonist) and ____ (other character/ambiguous natural force/same protagonist) is one characterized by ___(out of place pseudo-scientific word, i.e inertia). As the extra-linguistic style of ___ (chapter name) mimics the internal structure of ____ (protagonist’s) mental space — (throw in three to seven descriptive words that are themselves extra-linguistic) — so too does the macrocosm of ___ (location) reflect the ___(natural force; may or may not be the same as above) operating within and around the ___(noun) of ___(protagonist). Stylistic form further follows narrative function in the ____(adjective)____(location) of ___(chapter title or event in the novel); the effect of ____(minor character/animal/plant) upon the self-recognition of ____(protagonist) is dependent on the (literary device with extra- or super- in front of it) at play throughout the _____(adjective) development of _____(character/location/any theme). I will execute my thesis in a/an _____ (analytical/heuristic/argumentative/expository) approach, with a particular focus on the ____(psychological/linguistic/unconscious/something sexual) quality of _____(character’s) interiority. Through these explorations, I hope to establish a connection between _____(something sexual about the protagonist) and _____(something about the character’s past/family). Perhaps (or other qualifier) ____(minor character) speaks to the larger____(question/argument/part of speech) of the____(novel/play/novella/stream of consciousness) when they ____(more elaborate synonym for “say”): “_______” (quote that is always excerpted on the back of the book).

*the more em-dashes, the better. When in doubt, em-dashes and semicolons may be used interchangeably.

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6 Comments

  • CC'13 female says:

    @CC'13 female this was clever. i’m entertained.

    now take off your clothes and dance for me.

  • English Major says:

    @English Major God, how I love the word “perhaps”.

    1. another English major says:

      @another English major God, how I love em-dashes.

      1. Engineering Major says:

        @Engineering Major My favorite punctuation.

  • could we... says:

    @could we... work on this ad lib formatting?

  • asshole says:

    @asshole who the hell uses a first person pronoun in their thesis statement

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