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We Don’t Know What a “Bridge Building” Award Is So We Made Our Own

Hopefully the winners get swagtastic medals like this one...

Hopefully the winners get swagtastic medals like this one…

The winners of the 2013 King’s Crown Leadership Excellence Awards were released by Student Affairs this week. Covering eight different categories, including “Columbia Spirit” and “Indelible Mark,” the King’s Crown awards seek “to recognize significant contributions of student organizations and CC/SEAS students to the Columbia community” (Student Affairs) or ” students who either did a good job running a student group or did the administration’s bidding, sometimes both” (WikiCU). Bwog extends our hearty congratulations to this year’s honorees.

In the spirit of recognizing outstanding members of the Columbia student body, however, we also thought we’d come up with our own awards for those who’ve managed to really distinguish themselves during their time in Morningside Heights. Here are our categories for general student excellence; feel free to submit nominations (or your own ideas for awards) in the comments.

  • Best Business Card Hander Outer
  • Most Frequent Senior Night Attendee
  • Best Mel’s/Heights/1020 Customer
  • Best Checker of Privilege
  • Most Likely to Make Everyone Else Feel Terrible About Their Career Prospects with Their Insanely Prestigious Summer Internship
  • Most Likely to Single-Handedly Keep Westside in the Black with Their Cookie/Salad/Dip Consumption
  • Most Likely to Be on a First-Name Basis with Every JJ’s Place Employee
  • Most Likely to Read Gender Trouble and Actually Understand It
  • Most Impressively Able to Start and Finish a 10 Page Research Paper 5 Hours Before It’s Due
  • Most Able to Find Time to Watch 5 Hours of Netflix a Day While Being Involved in 500 Activities and Holding Down a 4.0
  • Most Likely to Keep Drinking At 1020 After Graduating and Moving Downtown
  • Most Likely to Spend Four Years Complaining About “Sellouts,” Then Go Into Finance or Consulting Anyway
  • Most Likely to Quit Their Finance Job to Join The Peace Corps
  • Most Likely to Quit the Peace Corps for a Finance Job
  • Couple Most Likely to Be Married with Three Kids and a Half Acre Lot in Westchester by the 10 Year Reunion

W.W.I Allied Victory medal from Thailand via Wikimedia

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16 Comments

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous instead of Gender Trouble it should be anything by Gayatri Spivak, just sayin’

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous OH SHIT. I HAVE NOMINATIONS FOR CHECKERS OF PRIVILEGE.

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous i nominate myself for all of them

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous i think i got that senior nightt

  • Ideas says:

    @Ideas Most Pro Engineer

    Top SEAS Boy

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous SOMEBODY SAVE ME!!!

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous Most Impressively Able to Start and Finish a 10 Page Research Paper 5 Hours Before It’s Due= TYLER BENEDICT

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous There should be an award for best hugger. Hugs are a huge contribution to the community.

  • The Team says:

    @The Team Most Likely to Be on a First-Name Basis with Every JJ’s Place Employee-I nominate the illustrious Cole Hickman.

    1. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous Ok but like actually yes

  • Sherry J. Wolf says:

    @Sherry J. Wolf Best Checker of Privilege?! Really, Bwog?! It’s offensive that we would even need an award for that.

    And this is why Columbia needs to be Occupied and Re-Educated. Disgusting.

  • Cardinal Protodeacon says:

    @Cardinal Protodeacon There’s a “best bridge-builder” award? Does that person become the Pontifex Maximus?

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous MostLikely to Return to Dollaroma every year

  • Admirer says:

    @Admirer Most Frequent Senior Night Attendee= Olivia Woldemikael

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous @Cardinal Protodeacon: More like Pontoon-ifex Maximus, amirite?!

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