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PSA: Find Love in a Hopeless Place

It takes two to copulate

In these times of trial and tribulation, we could all use a little lovin’— and a new service backed by Senior Week hopes to fulfill your long-overdue fantasies of commitment-less sexual encounters via the Internet!

CUScramble allows anyone with a UNI (not just class of 2013!) to submit up to 13 UNIs of Columbians they always wanted to tap but never got the chance to. Ok, fine, you can also ostensibly use it to have an innocent coffee meeting with that person from your CC class whose full opinion on Marx you never got the chance to hear…but let’s be real.

Whether it’s that cutie on the other side of the lecture hall or the best friend you’ve never made a move on, now is your chance to find love in the depth of this darkest night. Here’s how it works: you submit your list of 13 crushes missed acquaintances, and if someone whose UNI you submitted also submits your UNI, your mutual desire will be revealed to the other party. Only mutual submissions are revealed, so your unrequited love will not be awkwardly made public; but that means the service only works if a lot of people submit.

So, go forth and fuck make friends, you frustrated masses!

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38 Comments

  • Virgilio Urbina Lazardi says:

    @Virgilio Urbina Lazardi “Ok, fine, you can also ostensibly use it to have an innocent coffee meeting with that person from your CC class whose full opinion on Marx you never got the chance to hear…”

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous Sex? Heh, sorry baby, but my only love is Nietzsche.

    *Puts on sunglasses, backflips onto motorcycle, rides off into the sunset*

    *Cries secretly*

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous i like this idea.

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous dear cute dude in my 19th cent novels section

    please do this, so i don’t have to resort to even creepier ways of finding you

    with admiration and ambivalence
    /reluctant internet creep

    1. oh come on says:

      @oh come on every single dude in that class is scratching his head with his moleskine wondering if its him (including myself). gotta help us out more than that.

      1. tmi says:

        @tmi “moleskin”

        1. An athlete says:

          @An athlete foreskin. ha. ha. #nohomo

          1. Yakov Petrovich Golyadkin, Sr. says:

            @Yakov Petrovich Golyadkin, Sr. @An athlete: Что ты смеешься, болван?

    2. Eugene Rastignac says:

      @Eugene Rastignac À nous deux maintenant!

  • alumnus says:

    @alumnus jealous

  • Professor says:

    @Professor Are our UNIs part of this too???

  • Eh says:

    @Eh This requires me to know people.

  • An athlete says:

    @An athlete if u wanna get laid come to sig chi party we got the biddies with the big titties #BANGBANG #ihatenerds

    1. A mathlete says:

      @A mathlete If you really want to get laid, hit up the mudd library. #ilovenerds

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous A) do alumni count?
    B) is a tinder plugin in development?

  • hmm says:

    @hmm Isnt this just Tinder?

    1. anonymous says:

      @anonymous @hmm: there’s added anonymity. Just because you signed up doesn’t mean everyone knows you’re on the market. Plus its exclusive to Columbia students…

  • CC13 says:

    @CC13 OK, can someone get me a list of all the gay senior males? Coming up with the names was a little difficulter than I expected…

    1. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous No harm in trying, I suppose?

  • SEAS '13 says:

    @SEAS '13 And then traffic on the online student directory suddenly shot up 300%.

  • grad student says:

    @grad student jealous. you undergrads are clever

    1. seas 13 says:

      @seas 13 You should cum join the fun!

  • CC15 says:

    @CC15 Share the love, folks. Key quote from this bwog post — “not just class of 2013!”

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous dear bwog, why the fuck didn’t you ever promote matchu.me? It’s the same shit as this, (well, a bit more similar to tinder), and predated both by two years. wtf.

    1. CC'14 says:

      @CC'14 @Anonymous: I’ve never heard of it before but its definitely nicer to look at and easier to find people.

    2. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous lol cole

  • anon says:

    @anon I thought CU Scramble was just for seniors? here it says anyone can do it…

    1. CC '13 says:

      @CC '13 Well before we go, seniors might want to hookup with people other than other seniors. So really everyone should sign up!

  • Too much power says:

    @Too much power So *someone* (or some group of people) out there is going to have a full list (that is, up to 13 people) of everyone that a bunch of people want to bang? What if they leak it?!?!? I’m passing on this one.

    1. cs '13 says:

      @cs '13 Devs could do a SHA-1 or whatever on the UNIs. Peeps enter their own, hash it, hash their entries.

      And if it goes wrong, isn’t the whole point of this… THE COLLISIONS? AHAHAHA

      *dies at keyboard in clic lab*

  • '17er says:

    @'17er We just got our UNI’s today, us too?

    1. Really? says:

      @Really? You haven’t even met each other and you already want to fuck?

    2. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous Fuckin’ [incoming] freshmen, man.

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous I legitimately can’t think of anyone I want to fuck who I haven’t (or tried to) already.

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous or…you could just email him

  • CC '13 says:

    @CC '13 Would it be unethical for someone in an exclusive relationship to fill this out if they just want to know if there was mutual interest? I’m not trying to troll, just really trying to decide whether or not that would be wrong.

    1. Amous says:

      @Amous @CC ’13: “Exclusive”… Sadly, that sums up most social interactions on our campus.

      Your question regarding morality is only something that you can answer. If you’re wondering if others will shame you for your actions, that’s an entirely different question.

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous @CC ’13: yes

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