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That Which Shall Not Be Named is Really Asking to Be Named

Put me in, coach

Put me in, coach

So everyone and their mother has seen the front page of the New York Times. Our very own f-word team has lost its way to infamy and now Bwog has to do some tricky grammatical gymnastics to report on it.* Sigh.

*Just to be clear, this is not a post about That Which Shall Not Be Named. It as a post about the New York Times article on That Which Shall Not Be Named.

Here’s a little Sparknotes:

  • Article is written by a Columbia rowing alum
  • Talks about how Columbia f-word has been pretty awful on and off for several decades
  • Describes morning practices in strangely romantic language
  • Makes wild assumptions about the courses that the f-word players are taking
  • Tries to convince us that the team still has hopes of winning
  • Says that winning in football is not the same thing as winning in life (because football and life exist in separate spheres?)
  • Comes to the grand conclusion that we don’t need to win f-word games because the players have great job prospects and that’s all that really matters (good point…what were we even doing trying to win in the first place?)
  • Bonus quote from a really rich Columbia f-word alum: “There’s not one good thing about losing. There are no lessons to be learned.” True.

Update, 5:15 pm Aaaand there you have it, folks, we just completed our first winless season since 1987. 0-10, 0-7 Ivy.

Really serious dog with hand placed contemplatively on an f-word via Shutterstock

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11 Comments

  • lol says:

    @lol as if any f-word player is in bio-microelectromechanical systems.

    And I’m usually an Athletics supporter, but let’s not go overboard here.

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous That’s about the quality of all our sports teams! How would any self-respecting alum donate, unless they are some sort of masochistic urbworm

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous •Says that winning in football is not the same thing as winning in life (because football and life exist in separate spheres?)

    …you used the f-word in the middle…

    1. Alexandra says:

      @Alexandra Oh fuck, we slipped.

      1. haha says:

        @haha i see what you did there

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous I hope football goes without a win this season. they certainly fucking deserve all the shit they can get.

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous You said you’d stop posting about football. You’re giving the program life, Bwog. Help it to fucking die already.

  • Meanwhile says:

    @Meanwhile Columbia f***ing beats Princeton 19-8 at our first home meet and there is nary a Bwog post or New York Times front page to be seen. Perhaps f***ing should start losing more?

    1. whut says:

      @whut f***ing is a sport? why am i not on the varsity team

  • i'm says:

    @i'm down to train every night

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