Talks about how Columbia f-word has been pretty awful on and off for several decades
Describes morning practices in strangely romantic language
Makes wild assumptions about the courses that the f-word players are taking
Tries to convince us that the team still has hopes of winning
Says that winning in football is not the same thing as winning in life (because football and life exist in separate spheres?)
Comes to the grand conclusion that we don’t need to win f-word games because the players have great job prospects and that’s all that really matters (good point…what were we even doing trying to win in the first place?)
Bonus quote from a really rich Columbia f-word alum: “There’s not one good thing about losing. There are no lessons to be learned.” True.
Update, 5:15 pm Aaaand there you have it, folks, we just completed our first winless season since 1987. 0-10, 0-7 Ivy.
Really serious dog with hand placed contemplatively on an f-word via Shutterstock.