This came up when we searched "Adventure" on Wikimedia. Also because dinosaurs make everything better.

This came up when we searched “Adventure” on Wikimedia. Also because dinosaurs make everything better.

Continuing our warm welcome of the newly EDmitted Class of 2018, Bwog is presenting a rundown of our typical day because we’re Real People that have Real Lives (at least, that’s what we tell ourselves after the fifth day straight in Butler). A sophomore staffer who wished to remain anonymous (Real People can be anonymous, too) gives you his average Friday.

12:00 am: Debate whether or not to leave pregame and go to Mels/1020/insert name of college hangout here. Of course I’ll go out, I’m Captain Adventure. Let’s do it.

12:05 am: Realize it is as cold as the last circle of Hell and decide to stay indoors. Going out is for n00bs anyways.

12:06 am: Kick people out of my tiny cozy double because it’s late, I’m grouchy, and I would rather sleep then have to throw up. Which will happen.

9:00 am: Wake up, thoroughly refreshed but still regretting drinking anything the night before.

9:30 am: Fall asleep in the shower for the third time this week. I should probably be grossed out, then again, this is some of the best sleep I’ve gotten this week.

10:00 am: I head to Nussbaum to grab a bagel and orange juice before work.

10:10 am: Passive aggressively speak to Nussbaum worker because they didn’t make my order again. THEY ALWAYS FORGET. How hard is a bacon, egg, and cheese?

10:15 am: Start walking to work.

10:20 am: Start jogging to work.

10:25 am: All-out sprint to work.

10:29 am: Get to work one minute early, and proceed to spend five minutes in the bathroom before heading in anyways. What was I thinking getting here early? This is New York, not high-school.

11:00 am: Greet coworker whose name I forgot. Shit. He knows I don’t know his name.

12:00 pm: Master the art of sleeping with my eyes open. Also, watch YouTube videos to kill time. You might have work you should be doing, but who wants to ask?

1:00 pm: Have meeting that I’m clearly unprepared for. Vow to efficiently work for the rest of day.

1:30 pm: Watch YouTube videos of Titanboa THE LARGEST SNAKE TO EVER LIVE.

4:00 pm: Leave work/playtime and head to Morton Williams for dinner because I am an Adult. Buy a premade pork-fried rice dinner and ask for a plastic fork because I hate doing dishes.

4:40 pm: Eat sa(i)d dinner, and regret your choice to eat at Morton Williams. Thank God/Columbia Housing that there is so much toilet paper in your bathroom. Apologize to suitemates.

6:00 pm: The “I’m wasting time and should be doing homework” guilt creeps in. Make the trek to Butler, cursing anyone who is able to do homework in their dorm room.

6:10 pm: Stop at the Butler Café, because those AWAKE bars are amazing. The caffeine of a coffee in a chocolate bar? Perfect. Go to 210 (it’s warm, don’t judge) and set up shop.

6:15 pm: Continue to shuffle around papers, making your setup perfect before beginning to do work.

9:00 pm: Oh damn, I actually got some work done. I just finished my Calculus homework. But it took 3 hours? What? How long have I been here? Should I take a break? Do I leave? I’m confused.

9:40 pm: I took a five-minute break, which ended up lasting for 40 minutes. Go home. Go home.

10:00 pm: Return to my dorm room. Read through multiple text messages asking me to go out. Realize that I haven’t watched the latest episode of American Horror Story: Coven, so make some excuses and cuddle up with Netflix under my sheets. Jessica Lange won’t keep me up until three in the morning playing beer pong.

Your hangover in animal form, via Wikimedia Commons.