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Day In The Life: Sophomore Is The Elephant On The Stairs

Still looks nicer than the McBain bathrooms.

Still looks nicer than the McBain bathrooms.

Alright Class of 2018-ers, it’s our penultimate day of staff schedules. Another sophomore gives you her Tuesday.

9:00 am: My roommate’s alarm wakes me up. I guess I should get up too.

9:09 am: Roommate’s alarm re-awakens me. Rip covers off. Greet the world with a loud “fuuuuck.” Head to the shower, but they’re both taken.

9:15 am: Did I mention there are only two girls showers but six guys showers on every floor of McBain?

9:18 am: Finally step into shower. Eyes focus in on the 10 enormous hairballs on the ground.

9:28 am: Pull towel up close, wish I lived on an all-girls floor again as I walk past fully-clothed guys with leftover mascara running down my face.

9:29 am: Don’t have time to look nice. It’s a glasses and hair-in-a-knot kind of day—for the 37th day in a row.

9:45 am: Try to catch the elevator for my 10:00 recitation.

9:47 am: Futile. McBain elevators are archaic. I am now the elephant stampeding down the eight flights.

9:49 am: Bright smiles from the coffee cart man on 114th street. Know that this will possibly be the best part of my day. Happy for him that he gets to see his family over the holidays.

9:51 am: I’ve been told I look funny when I walk quickly…which is all the time, as I’m always rushing.

9:59 am: Slip into recitation, hope we aren’t covering anything important because I’m not caught up on reading (hint: you never will be, 2018).

10:50 am: Not sure what we did in recitation, but now I’m caught up on my Buzzfeed knowledge.

11:00 am: Back in my room, and I’m totally going to study for this awkwardly short break.

11:40 am: Didn’t study during that time, but I did remember to zip my jeans up all the way! #beingnormal

11:42 am: Latin class starts. Look curiously at the students using handkerchiefs. Classics is a weird major.

12:57 pm: The guy wearing highwaters and loafers asked so many stupid questions that we’re out late. Fuck fuck fuck.

1:02 pm: Just barely miss the train downtown for my internship.

1:04 pm: Wonder how I thought a bagel would be enough to sustain me until the evening.

1:07 pm: Get on the 1. I’m totally going to get through 30 pages of CC reading!

1:12 pm: Transfer to the 2. Now standing up so I can’t read without falling onto strangers’ laps.

1:14 pm: Not reading, but fall onto stranger’s lap anyway not only because I’m a germaphobe and hate touching the rail, but also have no sense of balance.

1:22 pm: It’s only two express stops, so I end up back on the same 1 train with the same people as before. Hey there, nice to see you again. Have only read 1 page.

1:31 pm: Rush upstairs to internship.

1:31 to 5:30 pm: FedEx and messenger various packages. Make a few Excel sheets. How would this company run without me?!?

5:32 pm: When no one is looking, slide a Coke can and pack of Goldfish into my purse for the road.

6:00 pm: Get back to campus in a shitty mood because I was touching 10 people at once on the rush-hour train.

6:02 pm: Deluxe for $5 hotdogs with my friend! CAN YOU SAY RANCHERO?!?

6:05 pm: Discover Deluxe hates students and has ended $5 hotdogs.

6:45 pm: Rush to Carlos’ recitation on the 6th floor of Hamilton. Find that almost all the class is already waiting outside, also 25 minutes early. What is wrong with economics students? Contemplate a change of major. [note: Intended major was changed by time of posting]

8:30 pm: Leave recitation with a headache from a lack of caffeine.

8:45 pm: Gather every single book I own because I’m definitely going to catch up in every subject tonight.

8:50 pm: Find the warmest room in Butler.

9:30 pm: Actually start homework. Distracted by Bwog.

10:00 pm: Actually really start homework.

11:30 pm: Starbucks run with a friend, sometimes. Most of the time it’s alone.

12:00 am: Now I’m getting serious about this homework thing, and I’m only going to look at Facebook JUST THIS ONE LAST TIME, I SWEAR. And maybe r/Aww.

2:30 am: Realize I have been re-reading the same paragraph for God knows how long.

3:00 am: Sink into bed, hating life and wishing there were more hours in the day so that I could have time to spend with my friends.

 Average Columbia bathroom via Shutterstock.

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  • Intern Queen says:

    @Intern Queen What internship does this sophomore have that only requires 4 hours on a work day? Most internships require a full day (8+ hours).

    1. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous try hard

      1. Intern Queen says:

        @Intern Queen I was serious. Please find me an internship that only requires 4 hours; I’d kill for one.

  • wow... says:

    @wow... this is depressing.

    1. true says:

      @true but so beautifully accurate

  • Student says:

    @Student Love how it skips from 11:30PM to 12.5 hours later!

    1. huh? says:

      @huh? The 12-hour clock isn’t your strong suit, huh?

      1. Sarah Faith says:

        @Sarah Faith No, it’s clearly not ours. Fixed!

  • CARLOS says:


  • CC'14 says:

    @CC'14 Is anyone in the class of 2018 actually reading this? And if they are, are they regretting having signed a binding contract promising to go to school here?

    1. hopefully not says:

      @hopefully not for all the stressful nights and tiring days, Columbia was the best thing to happen to me

  • clairification please says:

    @clairification please are you an econ or classics major?

  • ah says:

    @ah yet beautifully accurate

  • Omarion says:

    @Omarion is this person the person in the picture. if so, you look like britney

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