Mar

9

How To Lose A Job In 10 Minutes

Written by

if your interviewer fell asleep, you got lucky! they will feel guilty about it and give you the job.

Only a few more days until spring officially begins, and that means it’s internship-hunting season. Assuming you did a good job selling your strengths as a candidate got lucky at the career fair and scored an interview, here’s a step-by-step guide on ruining your chances.

  • Forget what position you are applying for because you sent out way too many applications.
  • Speak entirely @JennyHolzer-style tweets. Examples include “MURDER HAS ITS SEXUAL SIDE” and “STUPID PEOPLE SHOULDN’T BREED”
  • Give an actual weakness for “What are your strengths and weaknesses?” (Although that would make for an interesting interview, at least.)
  • Great job! You’re halfway through the interview—don’t forget to cut your toenails or change your socks at this point. Many companies consider it a plus if you remember to do both.
  • Ironically make a mistake in interpreting and answering “Explain a mistake you have made and how you handled it.” For some reason, Bwog ended up explaining a mistake someone else made and how it helped them solve the problem. After what Bwog thought was a great answer the interviewer just glared and said “you did not answer the question.”
  • Close with “I would be really excited to work at (competitor)!”

Image via Shutterstock

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3 Comments

  1. shit  

    you kid, but i've actually done #1 and #3

    let's just say i'm unemployed

  2. Linking to that article again?  

    Bwog,

    We went over this last time you talked about the socks and toenail clipping. Publishing the photos was a dick move then and linking to them is doubly a dick move now. The only thing you're doing by re-publicizing those photos is reinforcing the idea that you're all a bunch of jerks with zero self-awareness.

    We get that you guys consider yourselves the guardians of public decorum. Point taken. I hope none of you ever slip up in some social setting and become repeat targets of organized public ridicule.

    I know nothing about the people in the photos. Maybe they just pulled consecutive all-nighters and forgot where they were. Maybe no-one ever told them that was unacceptable behavior. Regardless of how we feel about being presented with bare feet and toenail clippings, perhaps there is a more civilized way of addressing these types of situations (such as discreetly pointing this out to them in person and then generally addressing the issue in the future article)?

    Also, given the topic of this post, it may be worth mentioning to the kids at home that repeatedly putting people down/pointing and laughing over a one time mistake is really unattractive to both potential employers and, more generally, mankind.

    I don't think you guys are all assholes. You're just being a little tone-deaf. Please show a little more common decency in the future.

  3. Anonymous  

    most useless article

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