Bwog continues asking the important questions. Brawny Barnard Bear Maud Rozee thinks about how sweet it would be if the new Barnard library were a skyscraper.
Recently, DSpar declared that Barnard would be building a new library. Where will the money come from? Nobody knows, but nobody’s going to question it. Sure, Barnard’s current library is a lovable concrete honeycomb filled with the honey of Stressbusters events and feminist zines. And we’d never want to mess with its amazing Twitter account. But, its weird ’50’s design and limited facilities could use an update. What kind of update? What about a ginormous skyscraper?
It’s totally possible. Barnard has hired the architecture firm SOM, the same firm which constructed the 80-story Cayan Tower in Dubai, and the new One World Trade Center building. Bwog’s professional artists have come up with a few renderings of what a Barnard Skybrary might look like:
Imagine it. A library that would make Belle from Beauty and the Beast pass out from excitement. Its inner walls would be gleaming glass, onto which are projected punk feminist zines that you can virtually flip through. There would be no scary holes in the ceiling. And its new name would be something more catchy than “Barnard’s Wollman Library located in Lehman Hall”. I’m thinking something Greek-themed, to go with the Diana. What about “The Pandora Library”? Or “The Hippolyta Library?” Pretty sick, right?
Instead of the current elevator, which is a glacial piece of junk that is probably powered by a diligent hamster in the basement, the Barnard Skybrary’s elevator would be incredibly futuristic. It would take students up through twenty floors of classrooms, and thirty floors of sparkling penthouse dorms. There would be a cafe without the soul-crushing lines of the Diana. And a new women’s only pool. And changing rooms that aren’t occupied by strange group therapy sessions all the time. It would even have a gym where students could stretch out both arms without hitting one of the walls.
And the very top would house DSpar’s personal headquarters, an office in the shape of a giant B. From her new and improved office, she could watch all of the comings and goings on Barnard’s tiny campus. Every student, hurrying to class through the shadow of the immense new Barnard Skybrary.