Making it rain

We recognize that Bacchanal sold out before you got the chance to whip out your debit or credit card of choice for ol’ Eventbrite. We also know that tickets were in fact $8.38 with fees and all, but for the purposes of this important article we stuck to the original $7. Here are all the things we might suggest you buy with that hard-earned cash.

• Do some investing.
• Three-pack of comfy socks from Rite Aid.
• One pair of sale underwear from American Apparel.
• Two medium “premium” coffees from Starbucks — one for you, and one for a friend. You’re caffeinated and considerate!
• $5 halal cart plate, and two $1 sodas.
• Half a movie ticket.
• Three bottles of Trader Joe’s two-buck chuck. (Tax uncertain; may exceed $7.)
• 6 items — any items — at Dollar Tree. We recommend (1) generic mint gum, (1) sunglasses, (1) neon-colored martini glass, (2) lemonade for mixer, and a wild card product, maybe some plastic flowers to craft into that perfect festival headband. You’ll likely receive some change for your six items, too, so that should feel really nice. Tip your Oren’s barista with that.
• 3% of the Gen Chem textbook.
• Heaven Is for Real on Kindle.
• Three and a half-ish pounds of red seedless grapes from the fruit vendor on Broadway & 110.
• You might make a very generous donation to your religious institution of choice over the weekend. It is Passover, and basically Easter Sunday!
• Speaking of holidays, April is National Pecan Month. Buy yourself a pound of pecans to spice up your sad instant oatmeal, or for healthful snacking.
• April is also National Poetry Month. Pick up an overpriced, if very small, Moleskine notebook from Barnes & Noble, and get going.
• “Make It Nice!” and stop by Tom’s. Get a small coffee ($0.75) and a half cantaloupe with ice cream ($5.75), their best-kept secret. Or, their pancakes come in at a decent $6.70.
• Protest Columbia Student Life and wad up your $7 and throw it at the door to the Office of Undergraduate Student Life. That’ll show them.
• D’Agostino’s sells trashy/mystery/thriller/criminal justice novels at its checkout, for anywhere between $1.50 and $5 apiece. Pick and choose your way to a fun little reading marathon!
• Rainbow roll of sushi in the Diana Center Cafe.
• Slice of Koronet (any variety). Lose the other $2 on your drunken way home.
• Approximately 16% of your bus ticket home for the weekend to Pennsylvania. It’s the holidays! Hug your mother.
• (1) Gin & tonic at 1020. And tip your bartender.

Throwing your $7 around via shutterstock