Late on Saturday night, when even the most inebriated of us have retreated to their beds without brushing their teeth, the true animals of the night emerge to get their share of uncensured fun. Without students around to patrol them, Public Safety officers working the 4 am shift tip-toe out of their fort in Low, and come together in raw experiences of camaraderie. This isn’t the first time we’ve known Public Safety to be sneaky, but they’ve left remnants of their latest venture. Though the numbers aren’t totally clear, a couple or a group of officers were getting softly freaky in the penis fountains and whoever was on clean up duty was too caught up in the fun and left their Cinderella slipper behind. We’ll be handcuffing officers to see whose wrists match these babies, but for now, keep sending along your weekend finds to firstname.lastname@example.org.
“Finally hit 100wpm. (Was at 99 for two years)”
“Ate an avocado. Did not see the Varsity Show. Got a sheet of penis stickers that I am very excited about.”
“Went to Cannon’s for the first time. It was the whitest thing I’ve ever experienced and I’m from New Hampshire. Spelled my last name for various front desk attendants while signing out of Columbia dorms.”
“Consumed three giant cantaloupes within one day. (What can I say? They were on sale for $1.25 each)”
“Fisted a puppet. Burnt my finger lighting a match in 1020. Got stuck on a stalled 1 train for 30 mins and almost scream-cried (it had been a long weekend).”
“Pretty sure I gave myself first degree burns from the bathroom sink in 1020.”
“Saw the Avengers at 11 pm opening night, saw it again at 2 am.”
“Found out that Alma has an outlet and drunk me rejoiced. A few days later sober me could not find the outlet and was devastated.”
“Cried while looking at photos of my family. It’s time to go home.”
“Made jungle juice for the first time (it had Everclear in it!). Friend hosted her birthday party in the EC suite of someone she has at least three degrees of separation with. We were locked out while the suite dwellers were at Varsity Show and once we got in the suite was solely filled with a large hookah and trash. Maybe some furniture. We cleaned up the trash but left the printed pieces of paper on the wall that read ‘puff, puff, puff, pass’ for decor.”
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