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Senior Wisdom: Alexandra Avvocato

Alexandra Avvocato

Alexandra Avvocato

As the year comes to a close, we present you Bwog’s last Senior Wisdom of the Class of 2015 by our former Managing Editor Alexandra Avvocato.

Name, School, Major, Hometown: Alexandra “Avv” “Ahhvvvvv” Avvocato, CC, English, New Rochelle, N.Y. aka Westchester aka Bestchester

Claim to fame: Managerially edited this publication for 2013 with the incomparable Alexandra Svokos (love you, miss you), during which I wrote some of the best, or worst, puns of my writing career, and consumed an absurd amount of cheese sticks. Some of my credits include: Poopin’ in Pupin; A Day in the Life of an Engineer; a Power Suite that had to get taken down and resulted in a meeting with the dean; a How to Make Your Own Ving Key post that almost had to get taken down and resulted in a meeting with the Office of Judicial Affairs; and a Blue Note that also had to get taken down and resulted in accidental sacrilege of the Catholic mass. I’ve also helped to continue the Alexandras-in-digital-blogging tradition by briefly taking over IvyGate, which is really just like Bwog but more irreverent and usually about Dartmouth. Also, my last name is Avvocato.

Where are you going? To assume my place at the bottom of the totem pole in the legal corporate hierarchy, which is ironic since I’ve spent four years majoring in Unemployability Studies. I’ve asked some friends to keep an eye on me and let me know when I start transforming into a soulless robot. Since I’ll be living in Prospect Heights, maybe I can become a painfully self-aware post-hipster robot instead.

What are 3 things you learned at Columbia and would like to share with the Class of 2019?

1. Despite popular opinion, you totally can meet your best friends for 4 years (AND COUNTING HI GUYS) during NSOP.

2. The power of sunlight is real. Don’t let the apocalyptic winters get you down; everyone sucks a little or a lot more when they haven’t bathed and are wrapped up in three Canada Geese. Basically, you may as well write off the whole winter.

3. Everyone is posturing, all the time. And while it’s tempting to use that knowledge to play affectionate games with people, it’s much better to hammer away at the posturing until you get to the much more interesting person underneath that. Keep in mind while you do that that you’re probably also posturing.
3b. It is so much healthier, more freeing, and more glorious to remove yourself from stress mirroring, and when someone tries to enact their stress and misery at you, to respond with something totally off topic.
3c. The sooner you stop caring what people are saying about you on the internet (and they always are), the better.
3d. Always always always engage, except for when it’s better not to engage.

 

“Back in my day…”

  • Bacchanal was a free concert open to all Columbia students, alums, and guests.
  • We didn’t have a Special Advisor on Sexual Assault Prevention and Response, who then became our Executive Vice President for University Life. It’s interesting to track the development of campus issues by charting all the newly created administrative roles.
  • There was no cute, overpriced café in Philosophy that completed the now-holy trifecta of Nous, Brownie’s, and Joe.
  • You could use your credit card at Milano for a $2.50 container of Caprese salad.
  • Senior Night was at Havana, and it was far grimier.
  • The articles in the Spec op-ed section weren’t exclusively about wellness. I’m pretty sure that they were always about the white, straight Jewish male’s perspective on diversity, though.

Justify your existence in 30 words or fewer: If I ever practice law in Italy, my last name will literally be my profession. That’s what keeps me going.

What was your favorite class at Columbia? So many. Anything with Eleanor Johnson; Margo Jefferson’s Modern Arts Writer; any class with Philip Kitcher (do I sound like that kid in your seminar yet?). But probably on the scale of my personal happiness, I’d have to say Erik Gray’s Love Poetry seminar.

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? To quote a very wise friend: oral sex I come to, but cheese I come home to.

One thing to do before graduating: Be publicly, embarrassingly proven wrong. Whether it’s in a classroom, in front of a friend, in the middle of New York, get shown up and realize that you actually don’t know what the hell you’re talking about or what the hell you’re doing. If you haven’t been really wrong at least once (more like pretty often), you don’t care enough.

Any regrets? Maybe not smiling more? No, screw it; I’m not apologizing for that. My face is just like that. In all honesty, I regret being passive about keeping in touch with people. Friendships require work, and most people here are lazy about that sort of thing – myself the most. I’ve been lucky enough to have some very long-lasting friendships here, and to have some excellent recurring dinner party guests, but I could have done much more work cultivating and maintaining the other, smaller friendships.

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23 Comments

  • anon says:

    @anon My interactions with her have been less than pleasant, she seems kinda bitchy

    1. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous Have you considered that it could be because you’re a fuckboy?

      1. Anonymous says:

        @Anonymous im a fuckgirl, you sexist bitch.

    2. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous Alex Avvocato… How do I begin to explain Alex Avvocato?

      Alex Avvocato is #flawless; I hear her face is insured for $10,000 and that she does cheese commercials… In England. I heard she met Rainer Rilke on a plane and he told her she was pretty. One time, she punched me in the face… It was awesome.

  • The sign man outside Broadway gates says:

    @The sign man outside Broadway gates “The articles in the Spec op-ed section weren’t exclusively about wellness. I’m pretty sure that they were always about the white, straight Jewish male’s perspective on diversity, though.”

    This is all totally true. You could even ‘GOOGLE IT!’ to verify.

    1. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous considering that jews are .01% of the world and have tried to been exterminated for the last 2000 years, i’m pretty sure they know a thing or two about the need for diversity, tolerance and inclusion.

      1. yeah says:

        @yeah and considering they comprise 25%+ of Columbia’s student body despite making up only 2% of the US population shows you are grossly overrepresented their voice is on Columbia’s campus……

        1. Anonymous says:

          @Anonymous New York has one of the largest populations of Jewish people in the world, so their proportion in the population of New York is a lot closer to 25% than 2%. Columbia is located in New York and a huge percentage of students come from the tri-state area and California, the other place in the US where Jews are not terribly discriminated against. So honestly the proportion makes sense, and to say that their voice is “grossly” overrepresented makes you sound a little anti-Semitic.

          1. yo says:

            @yo I don’t think that’s what anti-semitism is…

      2. Come on says:

        @Come on Oh shut up…. Like stop the Jews are literally America’s most privileged

        1. cc 17 says:

          @cc 17 Yes, I totally agree. I privileged to not have any extended relatives. Thanks, Hitler!

        2. Anonymous says:

          @Anonymous thats cause we worked hard for it, dickwad. Your relatives had the same opportunties (read: better opportunities) but fucked it up by being lazy and stupid. Not our fault we earned our place. If you don’t like it, maybe you should do the same.

  • Svokos says:

    @Svokos GIRL YOU ARE #1 FOREVER
    NEVER CARE
    ALWAYS ENGAGE
    (by that i mean your 3rd thing learned is the greatest piece[s] of advice for everybody)
    :)
    can’t wait to boogie this summer
    <3

    1. alma bwogger says:

      @alma bwogger you’re a champion. best senior (wisdom). good luck and i’m crashing you and svokos’ boogie party. also, ngl, this is one of the best oral sex or cheese amwers i’ve seen in four (fuck is it five?) years. good job (pun intended).

  • Sekret Admirur says:

    @Sekret Admirur You’re the best I’ve never had

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous the senior wisdoms were lackluster this year, but this one was really good, probably the best

    1. duh says:

      @duh AVIVA????

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous Shouldn’t it be a hard and fast rule to give senior wisdoms to all the senior class presidents?

    1. y'all need a second round says:

      @y'all need a second round shouldn’t it also be a hard and fast rule to actively solicit senior wisdoms from different subsets of campus so that you don’t end your senior year reading boring ass wisdoms from a group of mostly white boring ass people????

    2. Taylor Grasdalen says:

      @Taylor Grasdalen Our only hard and fast rule is to review all nominations.

  • Ann Carson says:

    @Ann Carson ~Avv and Spencyboo 4eva <3 <3~

    1. Rainer Maria Rilke says:

      @Rainer Maria Rilke I know, such a better couple than Clara and I.

  • English Dept Superstars says:

    @English Dept Superstars Wooooo Erik Gray and Eleanor Johnson <3

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