Connect with us

All Articles

Gift-Buying For Campus Archetypes

that or you have natural talent

If you wrap gifts this well, you’re definitely procrastinating

It’s a week until Christmas, and you haven’t started buying gifts for your friends! It’s not really your fault – when you have a final on Christmas Eve Eve, it’s hard to focus on shopping. But if you haven’t quite found the perfect present for your Columbia friends, don’t worry. Momma Bwog has a lot of experience shopping at the last minute. Unfortunately, we don’t know your friends, so we’ll just have to guess what they like.

If there’s one thing holiday gifting is about, it’s stuffing things in boxes. So, in the spirit of the season, we’ll fit members of the community into tight little boxes and let you know what gifts you can get your favorite Columbians.

For the campus activist:

  • Clogs to stomp out the patriarchy. Get them with backs (for extended marching), and to get the big deals, by them used through Barnard Buy/Sell/Trade.
  • A box full of bargain books from the tables on Broadway. As a bonus, the box can be used to make signs.
  • Since it’s been hard to find this semester but has symbolic value, red duct tape.

For the Butler camper

  • A blanket with bookshelves on it, to keep them warm on those cold nights and to blend in.
  • Get your loved one some Q-Tips, because for some reason, libraries make your skin secrete 10 times as much oil as usual.
  • Even for the yellow and red zones, you’ve got to keep your Blue Java coffee warm somehow.
  • Apparently, Butler campers like beer.

For your overworked friend:

  • Fix their stiff back with a massaging back roller. Or, to help with stress, get a different kind of massager.
  • Another tried and true stress relief – chocolate. A lot of chocolate.
  • Help them keep track of their Ritalin and Adderall with a handy pill organizer.

For the shirtless runners:

For the philosophy major:

  • Encourage them to ask the (un)important questions with What If?
  • Help them through the lonely nights with the 2014 rom-com What If.
  • Shame them into keeping their exploratory lectures out of your discussion section with the children’s book, What if Everybody Did That?

For Prezbo:

All I Want for Christmas via Shutterstock

Write a comment

Your email address will not be published.


Have Your Say

What should our staffer name her pet raccoon?

View Results

Loading ... Loading ...

Recent Comments

Do make it an issue. This story is far from done. Mr. Bollinger, the big free speech guy, is still (read more)
Breaking: Columbia University Marching Band To Resume Playing At Athletic Events
October 18, 2019
You still should make it an issue. Please remember Orgo Night. It's very much a free speech issue. Will the (read more)
Breaking: Columbia University Marching Band To Resume Playing At Athletic Events
October 18, 2019
Great. I trust the Marching Band and Columbia will evolve reasonably into the 2nd century of the band. I (read more)
Breaking: Columbia University Marching Band To Resume Playing At Athletic Events
October 18, 2019

Comment Policy

The purpose of Bwog’s comment section is to facilitate honest and open discussion between members of the Columbia community. We encourage commenters to take advantage of—without abusing—the opportunity to engage in anonymous critical dialogue with other community members. A comment may be moderated if it contains:
  • A slur—defined as a pejorative derogatory phrase—based on ethnicity, race, gender, sexual orientation, ability, or spiritual belief
  • Hate speech
  • Unauthorized use of a person’s identity
  • Personal information about an individual
  • Baseless personal attacks on specific individuals
  • Spam or self-promotion
  • Copyright infringement
  • Libel