We all hope to roll with the homies someday. 

We’ve covered a number of different people in your core classes who have clearly done the reading (even in the language of the original text), but what about the people who haven’t? One Bwogger and soft scientist defines the classic figure representing this group through experience and research*.

There is a pattern of behavior this student tends to follow. I’ve outlined it to the point in the semester we are at below:

1. First and second week of school: You bought pencils, picked morning classes, have big plans to work out and get your body right
2. Third and fourth week of school: You’ve been going to class, started to skip readings, are breaking out from how much you’ve eaten at JJ’s place
3. Fifth and sixth week of school: You don’t know whats going on in class, have written at least one reflection paper based on complete bullshit, hate yourself

See figure 1 for a graphic representation of this decline.

Figure 1: we are talking about the homie on the right

The easiest way to identify this student, whom I will onward refer to as “Homie,” is based on how they walk into the door. While you can almost always bet homie will consistently be five minutes late, they will also be one (or all) of the following things: in a hoodie, without a backpack, or ending a FaceTime call. While Homie would like to sit as far away from people as possible (to avoid the awkward lap dance you give someone when sliding past them in lecture hall seats), they may be the one disrupting class to the point where your professor says, “Nice of you to join us, Homie.”

Within Homieology you will find a more special kind of Homie—Snack Homie. This person usually arrives to class on time but will seek a seat in the back. Their desire for this placement is solely for the purpose of consuming any amount of food ranging from a bag of Cheerios to a rotisserie chicken. Consumption of this snack could take the entire hour and fifteen minutes, but not always. Homie actually likes to listen to his professor and take something away from class (they did show up, after all). Being that they didn’t do the reading, they need to at least hear about the book from someone who did. What most do not know is that Homies tend to have excellent grades, and that is because even if they are late or have a lunchbox instead of a backpack, they listen during discussion (instead of talk over someone else, or reiterate already said points) and use their peers’ ideas in collaboration with their own to kill the midterm.

*Relax no actual research was done on this. this is fun Bwog

Image by Nikki Shaner-Bradford