Connect with us

All Articles

Prezbo, It’s Time For You To Headline Bacchanal

Prezbo will you headline Bacchanal? Please sir, I’m begging.

Columbia students, picture this: you’re on South Lawn. The sun is out. You’ve taken 5 shots, maybe did a few crack hits because it’s that kind of day. You feel the anticipation building. The concert’s headlining performer is about to come on, and your hands start sweating. This is it. This is Bacchanal! And then you see him, President Lee C. Bollinger. “Yes!” you cry. “Sing for me Prezbo!”. And he does. He sings for you…

After picturing all of this, I imagine there are very few people who would like to deny Prezbo the right to perform at Bacchanal. In light of some recent news about our annual spring concert not having a scheduled headliner, which is definitely Not A Publicity Stunt, I think it is only fair that President Bollinger takes one for the team and steps in. Now, this idea might sound unconventional–crazy even–but I think it could really work.

I know that many of you reading this probably have some concerns. Does Prezbo have experience with college music festivals? Why would the seventy two year old president of the university perform at one? Can he even sing? These are all valid questions that I will not be answering.

Instead, think of how Prezbo’s hair will flow in the wind as he sings about the First Amendment. Think of how emotional the crowd will be when he belts lyrics about his immense wealth. Think of how passionate he will sound in his song about union busting. This is what we all came to Columbia for.

So Prezbo, if you’re reading this, I have just one demand for you: headline Bacchanal!

*Due to this publishing of this article by a certain Bwog, a contract has been violated and President Lee C. Bollinger will no longer be able to perform at Bacchanal. 

Write a comment

Your email address will not be published.


1 Comment

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous No, that’s a job for Mickey Soviet who slept with Joan while she was still his student

  • Have Your Say

    What should you actually Venmo people for?

    View Results

    Loading ... Loading ...

    Popular This Week

    Sorry. No data so far.

    Recent Comments

    What a racist and reactionary comments section. Ignoring the real concerns of those advocating for restorative justice is a bad (read more)
    Concerns Over Tess Majors Investigation Grow As New Developments Emerge
    January 16, 2020
    Fabulously wealthy college students... (read more)
    e’s Bar Has Closed
    January 16, 2020
    Restorative justice is just the "woke" thing to say. None of these kids have any idea what they're talking (read more)
    Concerns Over Tess Majors Investigation Grow As New Developments Emerge
    January 11, 2020
    Yeah. It is all city money and property and infrastructure. New York should be doing the same for its (read more)
    The Aftermath: Columbia’s Relationship With The Greater Harlem Community
    January 11, 2020

    Comment Policy

    The purpose of Bwog’s comment section is to facilitate honest and open discussion between members of the Columbia community. We encourage commenters to take advantage of—without abusing—the opportunity to engage in anonymous critical dialogue with other community members. A comment may be moderated if it contains:
    • A slur—defined as a pejorative derogatory phrase—based on ethnicity, race, gender, sexual orientation, ability, or spiritual belief
    • Hate speech
    • Unauthorized use of a person’s identity
    • Personal information about an individual
    • Baseless personal attacks on specific individuals
    • Spam or self-promotion
    • Copyright infringement
    • Libel