Ah yes, summer. Who needs an exclusive membership to a UES hot yoga studio when you have an all-access pass to New York’s (actual) hottest club – the Wretched Land of No God, Dante’s 0th circle, otherwise known as the boiling pits of an underground MTA subway station on a 85-degree sunny day?

Like a rusty subway car (so old you just KNOW it lacks the AC you crave) rattling its way towards you down the track, the 2019-20 school year comes creeping as we hit July, the mid-way point of the summer. To stave off our despair and commemorate all the fun, sweaty summer days we’ve had so far, here’s a look back on what happened in MoHi this June.

News:

• Barnard is buying a new residence hall on 121st and Broadway.
• According to Chris Doeblin, Book Culture may soon close its doors due to financial problems.
• Recent information uncovered that Columbia had entered a contract with U.S. Customs and Border Protection in May.
• Elizabeth Lederer, Columbia Law professor and lead prosecutor in the Central Park Five case, resigned.
• Wu + Nussbaum is opening July 9th, according to signs posted on its storefront!
• Columbia Health Disability Services rolled out new accessible classrooms and testing centers in Chandler Hall.
• South Lawn is being resodded, and a new drainage system is being put into place for those all-too-familiar rainy New York days.
• Wien 1000-1200 rooms are undergoing construction for their long-awaited upgrades (see: new floors, vanities, and radiators), while EC high-rises are getting new roofs and mechanical insulation.
• PrezBo wrote a thinkpiece in The Atlantic on a fresh, unexpected topic – free speech.
• Riverside Park is building a new, state-of-the-art skate park on 108th street.
• Earlier this summer, Riverside Park also brought in a herd of goats to clear its weeds. Because they are Very Good Boys who have been working “ahead of schedule,” the goats will be sent back upstate for a bit until returning later in the summer to continue their work.

Some Pics:

Field Notes:

• Held human lungs in my hand (then chopped ’em, ground ’em, and filtered out the mucus). One came to our lab in a takeout container
• Went on a yacht in Greece and felt like a bad bitch
• Got a new black poodle puppy and named it Mango
• Conned my intern friend into giving me rides to work every day
• Got hit by a car (x2)
• Got hit by a bike
• Got hit in the face by a bumblebee
• Got hit in the head with a shovel by my brother and had to go to the ER
• Got drunk and shattered a 55 year old brandy designed by Salvador Dalí while trying to lower it from the cabinet
• Spent too many nights at Phebes :(
• Went to Pride for 15 mins and then left because it was too hot!! (missed all the celebs and took a nap on a sad air mattress at my friend’s apartment)
• Procrastinated on my medical school applications. Currently dying (at time of publication)
• Got way too drunk at happy hour. took a “brief” nap when i got home and woke up at 5am
• Moved twice in the same building (i hate barnard res life)
• Met up with Barnumbia friends in Seoul
• Went to Trader Joe’s like 50 times
• Fostered 5 week old kittens!!
• Booked with the hometown high school gang<3
• Went to go visit my friend in NYC and I threw up in her bathtub from really shit sangria I made in a plastic mixing bowl.
• Had someone steal my wallet (with both my fakes inside 🙃) and commit credit card fraud with my stuff during said housing disaster
• Went to Firefly music festival in Dover and got so high and paranoid that I thought I pissed myself in public.
• Saw the National (i.e., the band whose unofficial logo i have inked on my arm) perform for the first time and wrapped the lead singer in a bear hug when he made his way through the crowd
• Went back home w/ my girlfriend for a weekend and met her parents without dying
• Slowed down for a little bit to tend to my health and learned how to feel a little less guilty about doing just that in the process :))
• Somehow dating 5+ people
• Got really into running/biking, so much so that I biked from Battery Parm and back on the fourth of July
• Some random dude on the train started sketching me— I am at least four cup sizes bigger in the picture
• Got cut off by my parents to so I could “learn the value of the £$” and cried for four hours straight
• Met some beautiful human beings in Greece
• Tanned in Central Park on a sunny 85-degree day for 4 hrs until I had a headache. Walked around Plaza Food Hall dazed and hungry afterward
• Had so many boozy picnics in Central Park!
• Been cooking lunch for work at least 3/5 days! Very adult
• Visited high school English teacher and aspired to get a dog just like hers (wiener dog and black Dane mix)
• Moved into my new apartment and caught two of my best friends hooking up on the couch during housewarming
• Heard “I love you” from my father for the first time
• Watched my sisters graduate high school and was stunned by the linear passage of time
• Went to a club for the first time (x2)
• Also got a job at a pho restaurant which is the best because free pho
• Started my language scholarship program!
• Bought a Chinese SIM card and applied for a Chinese bank account.