Connect with us

All Articles

MoHi Grocery Store Power Ranking

Not all grocery stores are created equal. Here’s a definitive local ranking.

10. Hartley Pharmacy

You may not even know its name. It isn’t Appletree. It isn’t HamDel. It’s just awkwardly in between, in the howling waste between SIPA and Plimpton. Its lights always seem to be off, and at one point I think I saw a vacuum cleaner on display in its window, as if it were a shop which sold high-end vacuum cleaners, except it didn’t have nice displays, or particularly nice vacuum cleaners, and also sold other random crap. People walk past, but I never see them go in. Definitely the weakest of the stores around the neighborhood.

9. Milano Market

It may pretend to be gourmet, but in fact you can buy 90% of the shit they sell for half the price at any of the other stores on this list. Anything they have that the others don’t you can find better versions of at actual nice stores in Midtown or something, if you’re really committed to setting your money on fire in pursuit of the perfect snack. Also, they only sell food, so if you need laundry detergent or soap or whatever, you’ll be shit out of luck going here.

8. Olive Tree Deli

Never been. 120th is so far north that this barely even makes the list. If I wanted to go shopping in the Arctic I’d move to Norway.

7. Duane Reade

A solid one-stop shop for most of your necessities, but their staircase is extremely steep and I fear being kicked down it. Also, there’s this little automated bell you have to ring for them to come unlock the laundry detergent aisle, and even when the store is completely fucking empty, they ALWAYS wait for it to ring twice instead of just coming the first time. When the store is busy I am understanding, but when I’m the only soul around, you don’t have to make me stand by myself awkwardly for like ninety seconds.

6. CVS

Further south and on the other side of Broadway, CVS is Duane Reade’s exotic cousin, deep in the tropics near Carlton Arms. It doesn’t have a staircase that calls the Cliffs of Insanity from The Princess Bride to mind, and it carries pretty much the same inventory. The location could be a draw, if you like warm southern climates, but it’s also kind of a hike.

5. Westside Market

On the one hand: they sell good fresh produce. On the other hand: this is somewhat undercut by being right next to Koronet and Mel’s.

4. Appletree Market

Conveniently located right next to Plimpton (and Plimpton’s new Dunkin’ location), and with a solid selection, it has the minor drawback (for non-Plimpton residents or people who aren’t fucking them) of being located near Plimpton. Which is to say, between 120th and 121st, deep in the Great White North. So sad.

3. H Mart

It’s right next to a subway stop and it has a good selection of Asian grocery stuff (soy sauce, etc.) that the others don’t, but it has a layout I find perverse (particularly the arrangement of the entry and exit doors that make it feel like you’re a rat running through a maze, and the way that the back area expands out around a corner to be bigger than it looks when you walk in).

2. Morton Williams

It lives forever in our hearts. It haunts our dreams. We return endlessly to its narrow aisles in the wee hours of the morning, and we write about the pain we feel as we browse its items before leaving empty-handed.

1. HamDel

The deli, the myth, the legend. No, you will not be able to buy most of the things you need to live your life here. But if you want a sandwich, they’ve got you covered.


Editor’s Note 1/29/2020 5:20 PM: A sentence of this post was taken out in the reflection of the comments below.

Westside Market via Bwog Arhives

Write a comment

Your email address will not be published.



  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous there’s a fairway with a literal cold room 15 min from campus and yet, no respect. this is why a nyc institution is going bankrupt

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous Just casual muted jokes about how a Jewish home is worth mocking. Did Bwog support the New York ant Semitic stabbings too?

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous > “A comment may be moderated if it contains:
    A slur—defined as a pejorative derogatory phrase—based on ethnicity, race, gender, sexual orientation, ability, or spiritual belief”

    Zionism is a spiritual belief. Based on Bwog’s own definitions, this article is hate speech and should be taken down. Owen violated the policy and is necessarily an irredeemable bigot.

  • Have Your Say

    What should Bwog's new tagline be?

    View Results

    Loading ... Loading ...

    Popular This Week

    Sorry. No data so far.

    Recent Comments

    Friedman labeled the Public Safety Dept as “racist” for the incident of April 2019. Good riddance!! (read more)
    Dean Natalie Friedman To Leave Barnard
    May 27, 2020
    Ah, yes. Cornell University. Ah, yes yes. Such wonderful trees. You have done it again, BOGW. (read more)
    How To Relive Columbia Arbor Day At Home
    May 27, 2020
    Can you prove that (read more)
    Fake It Till You Make It
    May 25, 2020
    And after she was treated soooo well by Barnard too ;) Lucky POSSE. (read more)
    Dean Natalie Friedman To Leave Barnard
    May 25, 2020

    Comment Policy

    The purpose of Bwog’s comment section is to facilitate honest and open discussion between members of the Columbia community. We encourage commenters to take advantage of—without abusing—the opportunity to engage in anonymous critical dialogue with other community members. A comment may be moderated if it contains:
    • A slur—defined as a pejorative derogatory phrase—based on ethnicity, race, gender, sexual orientation, ability, or spiritual belief
    • Hate speech
    • Unauthorized use of a person’s identity
    • Personal information about an individual
    • Baseless personal attacks on specific individuals
    • Spam or self-promotion
    • Copyright infringement
    • Libel