The writing feels endless, but Bwog did some quick math to figure out exactly how screwed we all are.

Midterms are here, baby! If you are a humanities student like me, you may have asked yourself, “how many more goddamn essays am I going to have to write this semester?” Armed with rusty algebra skills and real-life statistics, I set out to determine exactly how many essays the undergraduate student body will collectively write this semester.

Here are some notable numbers (Are these what you call the “givens”? Again, humanities student here.)

• Currently, ⅚ of the seats at the Avery table I’m sitting at are filled.
• Number of Writing Fellows time slots each day = 12
• I have finished 68% of the essay I’ve been assigned for today.
• Total undergraduate student body population: CC: 4,500 + SEAS: 1,500 + Barnard: 2,700 = 8,700 undergrads
• Maximum credit number minus minimum credit number: 18-12 = 6
• Square footage of Milstein:  128,000
• Number of free seats in Milstein at any given moment: 2
• Student body average number of weekly JJ’s trips: 3.4

If we multiply those numbers together, then take the square root, we get 672, 704 essays. However, this hellish calculation is not yet done.

We then divide 672, 704 by the number of unnecessary trips I take to refill my water bottle during one study session (67) multiplied by my current laptop battery percentage (.35).

Thus, the grand total for the number of essays that will be written this semester is 26, 686! That’s a lot of writing, everyone. Get to it!

You, kicking your essay’s butt, via Bwog Archives