How To Recreate John Jay At Home
A Staff Writer misses the John Jay Dining Hall experience and is here to help you recreate its endearing ambiance and one of a kind food at home.
John Jay undeniably has the best vibes of any dining hall on campus and an incredible social scene. It’s like the cafeteria scene in Mean Girls but WAY better. The one main difference between John Jay and Mean Girls might seem on the surface to be that Mean Girls is set in a high school rather than a college; however, it is actually that no table is assigned to a certain group of students and that it is an “every man for themselves” kind of endeavor. Okay…let’s get on to recreating this thrilling atmosphere yourselves.
How to Recreate John Jay:
Step 1: Swiping In
- Stand in front of a counter. Wait two seconds. Place your ID down on the counter (it is vital that your ID is attached to your wallet or a key chain). Wait two seconds. Pretend someone has told you to remove your ID from your key chain or wallet. Apologize for wasting their time. Place just your ID down on the counter. Congratulations. You have successfully swiped into John Jay, and will remember never to make that rookie mistake again.
Step 2: Finding A Seat
- Remove all the chairs from your kitchen table. Re-enter the room. Look for a seat. You can’t find one. Put one chair back. Re-enter the room again. Act excited when you see a seat has just opened up. Run and place your stuff down. This is your seat. Protect it.
Step 3: Recreating The Social Scene
- At John Jay, you are guaranteed to see a tinder match that you’ve ghosted or have been ghosted by. To replicate this, print out photos of your past tinder matches and put them in random places around your home. Place these photos literally everywhere and anywhere–put these photos where you’d least expect to see them for optimal results. Doing this will help with the accuracy of the experience, as you will be able to recreate the element of surprise, shock, and awkwardness you feel while physically being in the dining hall.
Step 3: The Food
- Recreating the infamous Spa Water. Grab any spare fruit. Any and every fruit will work, the idea being that John Jay never turns any fruit away. It could be cucumber, ginger, melon, or even frozen blueberries. The sky’s the limit. Cut the fruit up into large and inconvenient sizes. Place them in a cup of water. Enjoy.
- Place your food all-around your living space. The placement should be sporadic. You want to spread your food out as far away from one another as humanly possible in order to replicate the feeling of wasted time while waiting to get your food. Feel free to walk in slow motion or even pretend to wait in line for the best results.
Step 4: The Naseousous Feeling
- Replicating the slightly nauseating feeling that emerges consistently after every meal at John Jay or more specifically after consuming copious amounts of warm cookies. Pretend to feel like you have eaten too many cookies by placing your hands on your stomach and exclaiming “I feel slightly nauseous!”
There you have it…John Jay in your very own home. It will feel like you never left!
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