Are you a graduating senior? Have you been asked at least once if you’re in any housing groups yet only to be hit with the realization that you’re a senior? Then existential dread may be the dorm for you!
Location: The inner workings of your mind
- Nearby dorms: No dorms, because you’ll be off-campus somewhere very far away, dreaming about those carefree college days (in 2019, that is. 2020 and 2021 don’t count)
- Stores and Restaurants: Don’t you understand!?? There will be no more Sweetgreen! There will be no more Shake Shack!!
Cost: Sleep at night. You will spend most of it crying instead.
- Amenities? Don’t know her.
- Remember the elevators in Schapiro? How fast they were? 🥺
- I even miss the dinky little suites in Hartley. Yeah, people ignored each other, but at least it was on campus, y’know??
- A mirror to stare into vacantly.
- Not much. Either you become super antisocial as you cut off all ties from your Columbia friends because you realize that maybe you actually won’t keep in touch after college and it’s better to get a headstart now…
- …or you become one of those people who sign up for a bunch of TA jobs next semester because you want to keep the connection strong!!! YMMV on how successful you are though and really you’re just delaying the inevitable. Sorry, kiddo.
- I like the number 7
- Also 21
Sometimes I lie awake at night, realizing that our graduation will actually not be in person and that I was robbed of a real college experience. I watch the happy sophomores and juniors as they make plans for housing and think about how I was once like them, but am now yesterday’s news. I even miss Ferris’ weirdly thick pizza?! Brb, gonna cry into a pillow.
- “Graduating was the worst thing I ever did! I mention The Iliad and people look at me funny.”
- “I asked my friend for the notes from class today only to realize that I have graduated and that is not a thing anymore.”
- “One of my friends thought when I said FroSci that I was talking about a new frozen yogurt place.”
- “Help me please.”
Featured Image via Bwog Archives