We can’t slay all the time!

“Slay” this, “slay” that. Everything these days are “slays.” Slay is a word that has become so ubiquitous that it has nearly infinite meanings. There’s the slay of agreement: “Okay, slay!” There’s the slay of approval: “Your fit slays!” There’s the ironic slay: “Omg slay!” (in response to some embarrassing blunder). But so much of Columbia life doesn’t slay. In fact, some things are distinctly anti-slay. Here are 101 of them:

  1. Hamilton stairs
  2. Hotboxing the tent outside Dodge
  3. Smashing wine bottles on Low
  4. Manhattanville expansion
  5. Graduating without going north of 125th
  6. Ferris for dinner
  7. John Jay for breakfast
  8. Having a parasocial relationship with your CC professor
  9. Uris first floor women’s bathroom (if you know you know!)
  10. When the emotional support shower on your floor is taken
  11. Having to eat sitting on the platform in John Jay because Columbia Dining can’t support the current size of the undergraduate population
  12. Proposed undergraduate expansion
  13. Straight men queerbaiting for social clout
  14. Voicing your COVID-denial “hot takes” via Spec Op-Ed
  15. Duo Mobile
  16. Whale-tailing to your 8:40 am recitation section
  17. Pupin Hall
  18. Columbia tour groups blocking wheelchair ramps
  19. John Jay’s three-bean chili
  20. Non-take-home finals (after three semesters of take-home finals)
  21. Course evaluation season
  22. Straight people doing poppers
  23. Birasure
  24. Internship flexing
  25. “Skermerhorn”
  26. JJ’s roaches (RIP)
  27. “STEM majors can’t read!” alternatively, “Humanities majors can’t do math!”
  28. Special Concentration in Business Management
  29. Unnecessarily elaborate humanities course descriptions
  30. Worryingly terse STEM course descriptions
  31. Frat row
  32. Mandatory discussion sections
  33. The eardrum-shattering volume of the music next to the JJ’s drink machine
  34. Columbia Dining’s vegan offerings
  35. Columbia Dining’s kosher offerings
  36. Columbia Dining’s gluten-free offerings
  37. Finals :(
  38. Crop-top twinks
  39. Lerner ramps
  40. Second-hand smoke outside Butler
  41. “Unfortunately, we will be hosting tomorrow’s class on Zoom.”
  42. The 2020-2021 Academic Year
  43. Running out of meal swipes due to lack of foresight and planning (can someone swipe me into John Jay?)
  44. Faculty House partisans
  45. Getting screamed at by JJ’s workers while shitfaced
  46. Rotten fruit at Chef Mike’s Sub Shop
  47. Non-consensual a capella performances
  48. Union-busting
  49. The upcoming “Year of PrezBo” 
  50. Angry Bwog comments about the use of the word Barnumbia (do your worst!)
  51. Pret
  52. Handshake
  53. Slack
  54. Promoting your club in your class GroupMe
  55. General Chemistry I
  56. General Chemistry II
  57. Carman bathroom drain roaches
  58. Philosophical Methods and Problems
  59. “Masterpieces of Western Music”
  60. “Masterpieces of Western Art”
  61. “Masterpieces of Western Literature and Philosophy”
  62. “Introduction to Contemporary Civilization in the West”
  63. The “West”
  64. Getting curved down
  65. Clubcest (bad)
  66. Dormcest (worse)
  67. Floorcest (worst)
  68. Masking self-destructive behavior as a part of #grindculture
  69. Selling out
  70. Pretending that you’re not going to sell out
  71. Laundry room Hunger Games
  72. Classes that have a final paper and final exam (I just want to sleep!)
  73. When professors don’t share the distribution
  74. When professors share the distribution and you realize you’re way below the mean
  75. “Grades are unavailable because the instructor is working on them.”
  76. Sticky EC floors
  77. Trying to get into a Phys-Ed class
  78. Trying to get into a Global Core
  79. Having to apply to be in the G-body of a club
  80. Projecting your US Senate campaign fantasy onto a club election even though you’re running unopposed
  81. Showing up stoned to your 10:10 am Core class
  82. Being ageist to your GS classmates
  83. Taking headshots on the steps
  84. Awkward encounters with the man at Trejo (or maybe this is actually a slay)
  85. Puking in the Furnald showers (it’s happened twice!)
  86. Having to do laundry at 3 am because your friend puked all over your room
  87. Having a fire alarm at 6 am during reading week
  88. Having to go to Hartley in pajamas during the winter for a temporary ID
  89. The lack of a film concentration at this school
  90. Not writing for Bwog (couldn’t be me!)
  91. The formation of the Great Lakes on campus every time it so much as sprinkles
  92. Rushing anything
  93. Using a designer bag (probably fake) as a backpack
  94. Being on dating apps at this school
  95. Pooping in Butler (IBS solidarity)
  96. When the Ferris fridge is out of oat milk and I’m out of Lactaid
  97. Trying to subtly convey your sexuality at an EC party
  98. Sophomore Housing Waitlist 
  99. Saying Barnard classes are easier than Columbia classes
  100. Saying slay (it’s been milked dry at this point)
  101. Trying to come up with 101 things at Barnumbia that don’t slay

campus via Bwog Archives