After serious investigative journalism, Bwog has compiled a collection of the adjectives that best describe the fraternities on campus. Note: these poems are entirely unbiased in every way and have been carefully vetted by our editors to ensure impartiality and journalistic integrity.

Alpha Epsilon Pi




Kappa Delta Rho




Zeta Beta Tau




Sigma Phi Epsilon

So, I’m not good enough for your silly little frat? Did I not complete all of the pointless tasks you asked of me? Am I mistaken in remembering the diaper fashion show? The bare-assed paddlings? All of the urine you made me drink? Gulps, gallons of your

Piss—not just out of the pee jar like the rest of the groveling pledges but directly from the source, suckling the sweet golden nectar from your urethra as we all suckle the teets of our motherfolk? Oh, I must be misremembering. How else could you explain the unqualified insubordinates let into your joke of a fraternity while I, the worthy inheritor, was left to rot alone? I rushed just as hard— nay harder, rock harder— than those sniveling swine. Yet it is I who must sleep alone at night, missing the warm, cuddling company of his so-called brothers.

Eat my flaccid dick, Sigma Phi Epsilon. May the tragedy of your fall be long and jagged, painful and inevitable as the sad life we share and the pointless death which follows.

Beta Theta Pi




Frat life via Bwarchives