Staff writers Hannah Revels and Isa RingswaldEgan reflect on this year’s Spotify Wrapped and create archetypes that just might inspire you to change your music taste.

Let’s face it, Spotify Wrapped Day is a great day to show off to your 913 Instagram followers that you do in fact listen to David Bowie. However, it also puts your mental health on blast.

Bwog has gone to great lengths to parse out Wrapped data into a compilation that is sure to have you beaming with pride. The following are various Spotify Wrapped results that are mildly indicative of your Spotify-Barnumbia archetypes (giving crossover episode).

The Contrarian:

You’re different. Societal norms can’t box you in. You don’t need regularity or sanity. You listened to 2 minutes of Bootsy Collins and then raw dogged reality for the rest of the year.

What does this mean for your Barnumbia character arc? It means you’re a monster. The kind of person who will go to Ferris just for the mints by the door, just for the hell of it. I bet your ideal Friday night is riding the Hamilton elevator all night long.

I had to listen to Bootsy Collins, so have to as well

The Replayer:

The nerve endings in your brain are frayed and withered, whatever sound waves can garner the feeblest response will be replayed unceasingly until they too become withered and you move on to the next. You’ve listened to the same 12 songs so many times that they’re starting to sound… new?

What this means for your Barnumbia character arc: You are the type to go to Hewitt and religiously eat the tofu squares and kale salad again and again. Either that OR you’re someone who changes their UNI password only slightly, adding a “!” or “123” so as to not disrupt all that smooth sailing you’re doing. We get it. You hate change.

Giving Meyers Briggs

The Overplayer:

You listened to at least 150,000 minutes of music. That’s equivalent to ~105 days straight of music. And it’s giving you cannot be alone with your thoughts. However, because these were my actual minutes, I’m going to give us “overplayers” the benefit of the doubt and say that you’re probably super happy and doing very well.

What does this mean for your Barnumbia archetype? Well. It means you probably have been to Liz’s Place one million times but you don’t mind the long line because you can disassociate to any Wallows song or something. Oh, and you probably like romanticizing your life on the subway alone to “feel something”.

These were my actual minutes this year and there will be no further comment

The Devotee:

You’re a religious fanatic, but your top artist is your god. You’re in the top 1% or higher of the artist’s listeners. They got you through your lab credit. You get the fan thank-you videos, the merch promotions, the limited edition cassette tape offers, but none of this artist’s actual songs made your top 5. You’re not sure how that happened. And the cumulative minutes listened are actually surprisingly low for the ranking you got. Is Lady Gaga underrated?

What this tells you about yourself as a Barnumbia student: Having none of your top songs be written by your top artist is confusing. It doesn’t make sense but maybe that’s because you don’t either. You’re probably a fan of taking the “scenic route” to class (aka going around low steps entirely) or leaving the Chef Mike’s line the second you get to the front because you realize it’s not “the move”. You might be weird, but at least you’re devoted to your weirdness, I’ll give ya that.

I feel like the minutes should be more for .5%? Just me?

You Think You’re Better Than Spotify Wrapped: 

It’s okay. You can not have Spotify and also not make it your entire personality. Like it’s okay we’ll survive without your input. No need to make Spotify Wrapped memes. But please, go ahead and be weird and fucked up. Xoxo…

As for your Barnumbia-related archetype? This tells me that you’re annoying and you perfectly fit the “I just love taking all the John Jay forks” mold, when nobody is looking. So thanks for that.

A final note: If you have Apple Music. Delete it.

Horrific Spotify statistics via Authors