Stop asking people to meet you at the sundial, the Columbia gates on 116th, or in front of John Jay. Be a little more enigmatic!

Some of us have friends. That means you have to… meet up. You know, gather at the subway station or Chastity Gates and hang out together. Whether you’re going to the dining hall or South Ferry, you’ve got to meet up before it can happen. And it sucks. You’re either 15 minutes early or 15 minutes late, and the punctuality of the group of meet-uppers will always vary.

Do you have to meet up with someone and wish you didn’t? Or alternatively, just want to spark a bit of chaos and confusion? Well, it’s not that hard. On such a small campus, there sure are a lot of things duplicately named. Maybe you can gradually break up a friendship by inviting them to meet you at these places — where they definitely won’t show up — and canceling the meet-up altogether. If you get really good at this game, you won’t have to meet up with people ever again!

  • The Sundial
    • The one on the Engineering campus.
  • Milstein
    • Meaning the “Milstein Undergraduate Collection” in Butler.
  • Uris
    • The Uris pool, of course.
  • Hartley
    • Short for “The Marcellus Hartley Dodge Physical Fitness Center.”
  • Schapiro
    • I’m sorry, if you mean CEPSR I am definitely just gonna go to the dorm.
  • Dodge
    • The gym, the music building, or the dorm Hartley.
  • The black box theatre
    • Lerner? Milstein? Who knows!
  • The Quad
    • Meaning “Van Am Quad” versus the right one Barnard Quad.
  • Lehman
    • Now there’s only the Lehman Social Sciences Library, but maybe you’re feeling nostalgic and just want to refer to Milstein as Lehman in honor of its former name.
  • Anything moved due to Barnard construction
  • Blue Java
    • Which one?
  • Joe Coffee
    • Again — there are so many!
  • “The lawns”
  • The right lawn
    • Your right or my right? Who knows!
  • “I’m at the far left table in the back” for any dining hall, especially John Jay.
    • They’ll never find you.
  • “The big tree”
  • The subway station
    • Not the 116th one.
  • The bridge
    • Not the Law bridge, but the bridge from Pupin to Mudd.
  • The Barnard Bursar office
    • Nowhere to be found; the signs point in the wrong direction.
  • “The Butler ground floor reading room”
    • There are a bunch.

If none of these work for you, feel free to default to the tried-and-true method of just flaking out and not showing up where you say you will be at a certain time. It always works!

Two people talking, which hopefully you won’t have to do via Bwarchives.