We, again, present 95 thesis topics that probably would have been more fun to write about than whatever you chose in our annual 95 theses project.

1. Performance Art Capstone: Screaming Into The Void

2. Rodents Of Unusual Size: Distinct Evolutionary Traits Of New York City Subway Rats

3. She’s Everything, He’s Just Ken: A Filmographic Exploration Of The Sibling Dynamics between Shiv And Kendall Roy

4. Queering Quantum Mechanics: Consideration Of The RuPauli Exclusion Principle

5. Never Gonna Give You Up: The Continued Relevance Of 80s Pop—Access The Thesis Here

6. Design Capstone: Reinventing The Wheel

7. Patriarchy, Phallogocentrism, And Masculinism: How Many Times I Can Relate These Words to Barbara Kruger 

8. Design Capstone: The Stick Your Mechanics Professor Has Up Their Ass

9. Get Off My Lawn: A Critical Plea for Reduced Tent Activity On Columbia’s Campus

10. A Capitalist Revolution: The Advent Of Preteen Depop Resellers As A Potential Future Libertarian Voter Block

11. Boar On The Floor: A Meditation On A Dining Hall Catastrophe

12. Deep Ecology: Home-Grown Mold As A Method Of Sustainable Interior Design

13. I Never Have To Attend Another Zoom Meeting Ever Again: The Potential Of Deepfake Technology As A Form Of Digital Self-Cloning 

14. We Need More Serial Killers: The Impact Of Homicides On Gen-Z Vicarious Thrill And Workplace Productivity 

15. Design Capstone: A Chatbot AI To Write This Thesis For Me

16. Strand-ed: 48 Hours Of Customer Sociology In A Bookstore

17. Toucans And Toucan’ts: Survival Of The Fittest Colorful Birds

18. “I’m Walking heah:” Is Midnight Cowboy The Genesis Of The Common Refrain Of Gay People Walking Quickly?

19. Realism In Fantasy Worlds: According To All Known Laws Of Aviation, There Is No Way That An Owlbear Should Be Able To Fly

20. The Permutations Of Taylor Swift Songs: The Mathematical Potential Of The Eras Tour Setlist 

21. That Just Makes My Day: Our Socially-Constructed 24 Hours

22. I Can Buy Myself Flowers: Popular Music And The Inclosure Act Of 1773

23. Mushroom Kingdom, Here We Come: Tracking America’s Ongoing Embrace Of Psychedelics

24. Mushroom Kingdom, Here We Cum: A Social Analysis Of Sexual Practices in The World Of Super Mario

25. It’s A-Me, Mario: The Heritage And Distribution Of Italian Given Names

26. Outta Pocket: Why Clothing Marketed To Women Should Be Able To Hold My Phone

27. Boy’s a Liar: A Retrospective Look At Bill Clinton’s Perjury Trial

28. Kill Bill: A Historiography Of The Assassination Of William McKinley

29. You Can Say That Again: Plagiarism In Modern Literature

30. Adding Insult to Injury: Condescension And Misconduct In Personal Injury Law

31. D D D DOECHII: D D D Don’t Put Me There

32. Ken: Queerbaiter Or Queer Icon?

33. A Sociocultural Explanation Of Middle-Aged Women’s Adoration Of Bad Bunny

34. Art Portfolio: A Collection Of Shitty Stick And Pokes I Gave My Friends

35. Recreational Applications Of The Ground-Launched Small Diameter Bomb

36. Culinary Statistics: An Analysis Of Variance Of Mental Wellbeing And Crust Thickness Of Readily Available Pizza 

37. A Paper I Wrote Three Months Ago: A Study On The Recovery Of Long Term Memory 

38. A Or E? An Exploration Of People Tacking Letters Onto The End Of My Name 

39. I Wrote This Thesis And All I Got Was This Stupid T-shirt: Fast Fashion And Sweatshop Conditions

40. Art Capstone: A Collection Of Random Objects I Found On The Street

41. A Tree Grows in Brooklyn: Arboreal Spatiality In 21st Century Sustainable Urban Policy

42. Design Portfolio: Orange Is The New Black (I Replaced Black In Famous Paintings With The Color Orange)

43. Lime Lips: A Review Of Peculiar Manifestations Of Circumoral Cyanosis

44. You Know It’s Not The Same As It Was: Nostalgia In New-Age Artistic Culture 

45. Do You Wear Wigs?: Sumptuary Laws And The Politics Of Wig-Wearing In 17th Century British Courts

46. When Will You Wear Wigs?: The French Revolution’s Impact In The End Of Sumptuary Laws In Europe

47. Tequila Mockingbird: Wine Pairings And Classic Literature

48. Pillar Of The Community: Do Collective Monuments Shape Collective Memory?

49. Leonine Contracts: The Legal Status Of Gladiators Under Duress

50. Georgians In Georgia: Migration From The Caucasus To The American Southwest

51. Our Constant Proximity To Extended Mycorrhizal Networks; Or, There Is Fungus Among Us

52. Design Capstone: I Spent 700 Hours Making A Turing-Complete Machine From Minecraft Redstone

53. Don’t be a Drag: The Rise Of The Anti-Drag Queen Policy In Conservative Platforms

54. Hello Little Gay People That Live In My Phone: Analyzing The Rise Of Queer Computer Scientists In Big Tech

55. The Living Divine: Columbia’s Women’s Basketball Team As Goddesses

56. The Big Sub: Height Dynamics In Barnumbia’s BDSM Relationships

57. Hunted for Sport: A Psychological Analysis Of Anxiety Levels During Finals Season

58. Monster High: Examining Frankenstein Under Modern-Day Education Requirements For Children 

59. Marx, Nietzsche, Freud, And The Red Crewmate? Among Us And The “Masters Of Suspicion”

60. Bring A Bucket And A Mop: Modern-Day Flood Myths

61. Prezbeau: The Dating Patterns Of Modern University Administrators

62. I Want To Go To There: The Structuring Of Community As A Result Of American Public Transit

63. Everybody Is A Sexy Baby: Self-Infantilization As Performance Of Gender And Sexuality

64. Hotel, Motel, Holiday Inn: A Retrospective On Public-Private Short-Term Housing Solutions

65. The Ethics Of Theft On US College Campuses: How Much Dining Hall Cutlery Is Too Much To Steal? 

66. Shut Up And Dance With Me: An Acoustics Study Of NYC Nightclubs

67. Hitting The Books: Exploring The Relationship Between Literature And Drugs

68. Ceci N’est Pas Une Thèse : Anti-Symbolism And The Written Word In René Magritte’s Art

69. Saratoga Springs: The Changing Seasons In Upstate New York

70. All Your Base 10 Belong To Us: How The Metric System Spread Across The World

71. It’s A Fair Cop, Guv’nor: State-Level Means To Reduce Bias In Policing

72. Lone Lanes, Lean Lines: The Development Of Rural Road Signals

73. 20,000 Leagues Of The Sea: The Proliferation Of Rec-Level Swimming Competitions

74. Design Capstone: An Internet Comment Section That Doesn’t Suck

75. Swag Sunday: An Analysis Of Religion’s Influence On Fashion

76. Strategies for Governmental Anonymization: Yassification As An Alternative To The Witness Protection Program 

77. Digital Terrorism: An Ethnography Of Taylor Swift Fans Who Seem To Actually Hate Every Choice Taylor Swift Makes

78. His Name Jeff: Yet Another Glorification Of Jeffrey Dahmer

79. Starships Were Meant To Fly: A Philosophical Analysis Of The Moral Imperative Of Space Travel

80. An Apple A Day: Exploring Tech Corporations’ Intrusions Into Everyday Life

81. Dune And Gloom: Investigating The Melancholy In Science Fiction

82. Uber Eats: A Celebration Of Modern German Fashion

83. Subway Surfer Gameplay: A Study in Modern Meditative Techniques

84. An Ethnography Of Low Beach When It’s Over 60

85. Bad Bunnies: A History Of Leporine Maliciousness 

86. You Need To Calm Down: Assessing The Effectiveness Of Wellness Culture Against Traditional Therapy

87. It’s So Over, We’re So Back: The Fluctuation Of Mental Health During The Pandemic 

88. Mine Diamonds: A Statistical Analysis Of The Frequency Of Diamond Ore In Minecraft Compared To Global Diamond Shafts 

89. There Are Two Wolves Inside Of Me: Animalistic Tendencies Within Neurodivergent Human Populations 

90. From “We Did It Joe” To “It’s Joever”: Predictions For The 2024 Presidential Election 

91. Pete Davidmother: Explaining The Glorification Of Pete Davidson Within Pop Culture 

92. Graphing The Correlation Of Attractiveness And Whether Or Not Tiny Glasses Look Good on You 

93. Open Streets NYC: Why We Should Open The Subways Too (Third Rail Electrocution Can’t Be That Bad)

94. Thank You, Next: What To Expect When Entering Ferris

95. Once in a Blue Moon: An Exploration Of Not Enough Beers

Martin Luther via Bwog Archives