31 Comments
Hänsel und Gretel
They came, they saw, they clung to their nametags. We’re sure we conquered their hearts and minds with our extremely desirable and hip aloofness, sporadically pleasant weather and immaculate study habits… But really though? More likely you did one of the following things, because you were amused by their fresh-faced naïveté, and took a sick pleasure in crushing it.
General purpose
- Physically
- Introduce them to the sketchiest grad student in 1020
- Sexile them
- Ask them if they’ve read it in the original language; scoff
- Neglect to tell them to switch to the 1 from the 2 or 3 at 96th.
Columbia
- Tell them about Frontiers / “FroSci”
- Sign them up for the Earth Institute listserv
- Wake them and stare into their soul with your blood-shot, Red Bull-fueled 4
am Butler-eyes - Feed them John Jay’s vegan “riblettes”
- Leave them in Mudd
- Bombard them with acronyms
- Pressure them into smoking their first Butler cigarette
Barnard
- Hand them a flyer that says “go green: use a diva cup!”
- Tell them that boys aren’t allowed in the dorms
- Take them to Lehman instead of Butler
- Make them steal kosher brownies for you at Hewitt; wait for them to get yelled at
- Use the phrase “strong, beautiful barnard woman” more than 5 times in an hour
- Burn your bra in front of them
A cautionary tale via Wikimedia
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31 Comments
@Anon No, It’s from Zoolander
@Anon (again) That was supposed to be in response to “it’s from german?”
@Anonymous make them throw up on each other. happened last year.
@Anonymous What will we do if they have little baby prospies? There’s already not enough room for all of us as it is and with prospies who weren’t even legitimately admitted to the school but rather born into it they’ll have to start housing people in Butler!
@... The bedbugs can tuck them in at night.
@dude Is this a commentary on the immigration debate, an attack on legacy preference, or just the result of someone toking up a few days early?
@Anonymous An attack on illegal immigrant legacy kids who just smoke all day and never go to class. Those f*ckers are ruining our school!
@Anonymous Encourage them to use the elevator in any building regardless of which floor they are going to.
Tell them to check out the amazing study areas on the 1st (not 2nd) floor of butler.
@Funny story a prospie sexiled my friend… this prospie dude was gettin it in with a female prospie… and a 3rd prospie (b/c my friend was watching 2 of them) walked in on the action. how’s that for a weekend at columbia. NICE
@Anon Diva cups are amazing. Seriously.
@weird …
@diva cup just try to be logical about this and push your girly little squeam-issues to the back burner.
it makes sense!
@Servicey All you ever need to know about Diva Cups! http://jezebel.com/#!5705607/cup-u-is-the-best-short-documentary-about-menstrual-cups-youll-see-today
@Grammar Nazi in every sense of the word Hansel doesn’t have an umlaut over the a.
@Anonymous For being a Nazi you know surprisingly little German. Hansel does have an umlaut over the a, in German (where it’s from).
@Apologies I should probably renounce my citizenship. But I’ve never heard it pronounced that way! (Haensel, really?) Also, that wasn’t even grammar.
*tries to wipe egg off face
@Anonymous It’s from German?
@Anonymous Thank you for the clarification. Stupid Barnard girls stealing the name of one of Columbia’s libraries.
YOU DON’T GO TO COLUMBIA!
@Anonymous -___- oh boy here we go.
@And... the tradition of Barnard hate continues, welcome to Columbia pre-frosh
@Anonymous Scar a Barnard Prospie:
Tell her everything she’s been told is a lie; you don’t really get two diplomas and you don’t really have two graduation. Obviously she’s not connected to CU in any way at all. Barnard is the locked backdoor to Columbia.
@hannah our library is the barnard library. it happens to be on lehman walk. lehman library is the CU social sciences library.
@True but... the Barnard library is called Wollman library and it’s in a building called Lehman.
@Anonymous Have them walk into Shakespeare one minute late.
@Anonymous Genius, love love love this post.
@Anonymous What about when your prospie projectile vomits?
@Anonymous Absolutely LOVE THIS POST!
@Ahahah Great post. All so true. Fuck the Earth institute emails!!
@Anonymous seriously. the earth institute has a problem. also, all their “internships” require a freaking masters in sustainable development. dumb.
@Word I thought I had unwittingly asked to be on that listser! So annoying. I just unsubscribed. Feeling so free
@Word listserv*