Daily Archive: November 2, 2018



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I guess this die would be helpful if you don’t know your birthdate?

Maybe you already checked your weekly horoscope and it’s not giving you the specific, fall break-related forecast you’re looking for. Or maybe you never check your horoscope (it’s okay, me neither tbh), and the title piqued your interest. Whether you’re this, that, or somewhere in between, Bwog Guest Writer Sophie Tobin has you covered for all of your fall break horoscope needs.


You will stay up until 3 AM binge watching weirdly niche craft videos on YouTube. Congrats on your new pair of shoes made using only a hot glue gun.


You’ll show your friends from home the “columbia buy sell memes” Facebook page to make them laugh, but instead spend 20 minutes trying to explain to non-Columbia students why it’s so funny to joke that SEAS students are illiterate.


You will only be safe in a pillow fort.


You will run into your ex from high school, only to realize after the matter that one of your two front teeth was completely hidden by a piece of spinach.


You will purchase as many Blu-Ray copies of “The Princess Bride” as you can.


For every snobby comment your relatives make about your liberal arts degree, you will memorize one (1) more Sophocles poem.


You will have a hard time explaining to your real parents why you call your best friends mom/dad.


You will scroll so far back through buy sell memes that you find your birthdate. It was a good year; a warm year. Someone posted a cat with the caption “I CAN HAZ JJ’S?” That’s enough Facebook for the day, you think to yourself as you slowly close your laptop.


You will shoplift the last package of Halloween themed Oreos in the grocery store. Your old piano teacher and her husband will now believe you are pregnant with a rectangular baby.


You will decide to perfect your cursive for no particular reason. But then you get, like, really good at cursive. You will open an Etsy shop and quickly become the next online calligraphy tycoon.


You’re gonna watch the “Imitation Game” and cry over how dirty England did Alan Turing.


Your pet’s welcome will immediately convince you to drop out of college and stay at home forever. Don’t worry, people will understand.

This is our last content before Wednesday! Enjoy fall break! :)

Photo via Bwog Archives



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img November 02, 20184:50 pmimg 0 Comments

Wow ok I JUST realized the “UV” stands for UPTOWN VOCAL, I am a DUMBASS

On Tuesday, Arts Editor Riva Weinstein attended Uptown Vocal’s fall concert, S-UV-erstition, in Wein Lounge. She gives her thoughts below.

It’s apple cider season. Wien Lounge is cozy and faux-candlelit, and students mill around as we wait for the performance, pouring drinks and nabbing candy. Uptown Vocal mills around the piano in a cluster of tasteful burgundy and black. As they shuffle into a half-circle, Karinya Ghiara (CC ’19) welcomes us informally to Uptown Vocal’s fall concert. Brent Morden (CC ’19) hums a note, twelve singers take a breath, and they leap together into their first song: “Blue Skies.”

The group’s musicality is smooth and effortless. They embody easy listening without allowing the audience’s attention to flag. They glide from Irving Berlin to Stevie Wonder, as competent in their upbeat doo-wops as they are in their choral homophony. Morden’s skill as a music director really shines in songs like “Autumn Leaves” and “A Foggy Day (in London Town)”: the tonal shifts are exciting without being dissonant. The group is most impressive together in songs like “Basin Street Blues,” jumping right on tricky, syncopated rhythms and complex chords without an ounce of hesitation.

All of Uptown Vocal’s soloists were very competent, but most of them lacked the vocal oomph and physical charisma to make a jazz solo really interesting. That was fine for some of the simpler melodies like “Autumn Leaves”, but for the playful lyrics of songs like “Let’s Do It,” their stage presence fell flat. It wasn’t until Stevie Wonder’s “Superstition” that I found myself paying more attention to the soloist than I was to the whole group’s harmony.

Uptown Vocal indeed saved the best for last. Karinya Ghiara shines in her solo for “Superstition,” capturing the crowd’s attention with her strong, jazzy voice and infectious smile. Jackie Brown’s (CC ’19) smoky tones rounded out the night handsomely with “A Foggy Day”: progressive and atmospheric, with one singer making a foghorn-like sound in the background, the character in Brown’s voice made it feel like the beginning of a musical. Even when they weren’t center stage, Ghiara and Brown consistently caught the audience’s eye, grooving and bouncing contagiously to the beat.

Although Uptown Vocal lacks the cultivated energy of other a capella groups, their bodies suit their music: casual and natural, happy without losing their aura of sophistication. On a weekday October night, with a class of cider in hand, their music was balm for the autumnal soul. We begged for an encore; but Ghiara simply laughed and told us to come to their winter concert for another taste of Uptown Vocal’s dulcet jazz.

Image via Uptown Vocal



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img November 02, 20182:30 pmimg 0 Comments

Doing OK, even after 1223143 projects.

Books and plays and exhibits, oh my! ArtistHop is a new column spotlighting talented artists in the Columbia community who have recently done something notable. This week, we profile Brent Morden, composer for the upcoming musical Once Upon a Fortnight and the 125th Annual Varsity Show.

Name, school/year, and tools of your trade?

Brent A. Morden. Columbia College ’19. A creative vision, coffee, and Sibelius.

What work or project are you recently known for? Why should people care about it?

One notable project was conducting the Columbia University Wind Ensemble this past March in premiering my original piece Danzón. It was a dream come true. My current project is a new comedy musical called Once Upon a Fortnight, which I co-wrote and composed over the last several months. It premieres in the Lerner Black Box on November 9th through 11th. Why care about this show? Because it’s fantastically fun(ny), and we all owe ourselves more opportunities to laugh in life.

A story from the process?

In December 2017, on the heels of our first collaboration in Written in the Stars, my pal David Treatman and I decided to rendezvous at Tom’s Restaurant for a lunch that would soon send shockwaves ‘round the world. It was there that I popped the question… “Hey, want to write a new show?” And it was there that I heard the sweetest word ever uttered in history: “Yeah!”

Which groups or people on campus helped you develop the work (or generally as an artist)?

CU Wind Ensemble and Uptown Vocal (Columbia’s jazz a cappella group) have been the soil for my artistic development at Columbia. There I learned how to be a better musician, how to collaborate with other musicians, and what it means to create meaningful art for the community. As for specific people: shout outs to Peter Susser of the Music Department for being an awesome mentor and to Jaimie Krass of Hillel for her unending support.

What does it take to compose a MUSICAL?



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img November 02, 20181:33 pmimg 0 Comments

On his most perilous assignment yet, Bwog’s disarmingly handsome Staff Writer Henry Golub spent ten minutes in John Jay. He relates what he smelt, saw, and dealt.

(Disclaimer: This is all fake, and I like John Jay. I also don’t shove people.) 

Even John Jay hasn’t spent ten minutes in John Jay.

I’m skeptical of anyone who tells me to spend more than eight minutes on anything. So, you can imagine my surprise when I told myself to spend ten minutes in John Jay.

Now, you might be asking yourself why anyone would waste two minutes more than eight at a place that serves cottage cheese. You’d have a point.

But remember, dear reader: I am no journalist who fritters away his seconds. I am one who considers every tick of the clock, every rustle of the branch, and every crackle of the Rice Krispy an opportunity to transcend the competition—to go where other reporters will not and to experience the dangers they won’t. Rest assured that if I didn’t think I could write a story about John Jay worth your while, then by God, I wouldn’t have written it.

I went to John Jay the other day not because it was easy, but because it was hard.

“We go to the Moon not to avoid Ferris lines, but because they have a fro-yo machine.”

Minute One:

I arrived at John Jay young, scrappy, and very hungry. I shoved aside some loiterers talking about Ferris and made my way to the food desk. I waited in line, scowling at everyone in sight and making hissing noises at Spec posters. I had a chip on my shoulder and iron-resolve in my heart.

Minute Two:

I got to the front of the line.

“Hi,” I said to the lady working the food computer, “How’re ya doing?”

She scanned my ID. “Good.”

For reference.

“Thanks,” I said, walking away. 54 seconds had passed…

Six, five, four, three, two…

Minute Three:

I shoved aside more people and walked to where the conveyor belt enters the plate cave. I noticed my friends.

“Hey, Dashing Young Bwogger Henry,” they said, “Do you want to eat with us?”
They couldn’t have known how little time I had left. They stared wistfully at me as I went to get some food.

Minute Four:

John Jay, but only at 6:00 am.

My friends receding into the distance, I felt the gaze of the world and the weight of a thousand hard-covered Odysseys upon me. I walked into the food room and stopped at the glorious sight—juice machines everywhere, two bulletproof soda dispensers, and thirty more people to purposefully bump into. I don’t like juice or soda, but heck if I wasn’t about to not say “excuse me” to every person in sight. Whenever someone does this to you in John Jay or Ferris, they are probably Creative Writing majors who write for blogs.

I got on line for vegan food as my timer hit five minutes.

I’m not a Creative Writing major, by the way.

Minute Five:

The long line reminded me that I’m not vegan. I moved onto the line for chicken and settled in for the 30 second wait. I pondered life in the meantime:

Better than both un-enhanced water and re-enhanced water.

Why do I have mild back pain at eighteen? Why do we put anything besides cheese into ravioli? Why don’t iPhones autocorrect “borthday” to “birthday” if they change “Ostruck” to “Ostrich?” Why am I complaining?

I got my food and went to get utensils.

Minute Six:

I found a fork, but could not find a knife, so I decided to get another fork.

Minute Seven:

Time to eat. I pulled a chair up to my friends’ table and took my first bite. The chicken needed salt, so I asked my friend (names have been deleted to protect identities) to please pass the salt, but he said that we had none. I suddenly felt the clock ticking; a bead of sweat rolled down my forehead, and I took off my winter jacket.

Dehydration keeps me in the zone.

“Oof,” I said, “I’ll ask another table for a shaker.”

I borrowed one and returned it. I looked at my timer: four minutes left.

Minute Eight:

Three minutes left.

Someone tried starting a conversation, but I could hardly talk while scarfing down food.

Minute Nine:

As I popped a final Brussel sprout into my mouth, I heard a shout from the other end of the room.

“Henry!” the voice called, “The time!”

I looked at my watch and nodded at the loyal fan. I grabbed my coat and dishes and bolted for the conveyor belt. People around the room cheered me on.

Minute Ten:

The magic carpet took my dishes to the tunnels beneath John Jay. I started leaving when, all of a sudden, someone threw their fork into the utensil bucket and dirty water splashed all over me. I ran outside. My timer hit ten minutes.

I had done it.

John Jay via Wikimedia Commons

RFK’s Older Brother via Wikimedia Commons

Stop, Drop, and Watch via Pixabay

Juice Lane via Columbia Dining

Enhanced™ Water™ via Henry Golub™

Salt Shakér via Wikimedia Commons



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img November 02, 201812:01 pmimg 1 Comments

Is that water dyed Pantone 292?

Before you jet off to some exotic location for fall break, consider catching up with Columbia Athletics. Sports Editor Abby Rubel brings you the latest and a reminder to vote if you haven’t already!

Men’s Soccer: The Lions (9-4-1, 4-1 Ivy) will travel to Cambridge Saturday to take on Harvard (3-11, 1-4 Ivy) at 7:00 pm. The Lions sit at second place in the Ivy League, just behind Princeton (9-4-2, 4-0-1 Ivy). The Ivy title is hotly contested. Princeton could clinch it this weekend if they beat Penn and if Columbia ties or loses to Harvard, but such a loss is unlikely—the Bulldogs have been shut out in four of their last five games. Senior goalie Dylan Castanheira will look to add another shutout. If he does, he’ll tie the Ivy League record of 26 career shutouts. Cornell and Dartmouth are also still in the running for the Ivy title and will duke it out this weekend. Princeton, however, remains the favorite.

Women’s Soccer: Columbia (8-6-1, 4-2 Ivy) will also head up to Cambridge for a road match against Harvard (6-7-1, 3-2-1 Ivy) on Saturday at 1:00 pm for their last game of the season. Currently in third place, the Light Blue could move up to second with a win or tie this weekend. They haven’t beaten Harvard since 2007, but the offense is strong—10 players have scored goals this season, including team leader Maddie Temares with four goals so far. Senior Emma Anderson and sophomore Jordyn Geller each have three goals. Harvard’s offense is headed by Leah Mohammadi, who is fourth in the Ivies with seven goals this season.

Men’s/Women’s Swimming and Diving: Both teams will open their season this weekend. The women’s team will start by traveling to Penn for a meet starting at 5:00 pm Friday, and come home on Saturday for a meet against Northeastern at 1:00 pm. Admission is free! Last year, the Lions finished fifth at the Ivy Championships and went 3-5 on the season. Ten of their 13 championship top-16 finishers return for this season. This season will be Mary Ashby’s last—she earned two top-six finishes last year in both the 50- and 100-yard freestyle events. The men’s team also has two meets this weekend, first at Army on Friday at 5:00 pm and then at Penn on Saturday at 1:00 pm. The Light Blue finished fourth place at the Ivy Championships off an 8-2 record. Sophomore Jonathan Suckow returns to the team after finishing 25th at the NCAA Championships in the 3-meter dive, Columbia’s highest finish in nearly 20 years.

Taking school spirit a little far via



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img November 02, 201810:30 amimg 0 Comments

the ability to nap anywhere at any time is the ultimate survival skill

Happening in the World: Last week, a New York Times article revealed that Google had paid millions of dollars in severance packages to male executives accused of sexual misconduct and had stayed quiet about the incidents. In response, Google employees from cities around the world, such as New York, Zurich, and Singapore, staged walkouts on Thursday to protest against the company’s handling of sexual harassment (CNN).

Happening in the US: An intoxicated baggage handler for American Airlines fell asleep on the job and ended up napping in the cargo hold of a plane traveling from Kansas City to Chicago. The cargo hold was pressurized and heated, but fortunately, the man was not injured (NBC News).

Happening in NYC: A rare Mandarin duck was recently spotted in Central Park and no one has a clue how the bird, native to East Asia, got there. The duck has quickly amassed a large fan base and a small band of paparazzi (USA Today).

Happening on Campus: If you can’t visit a farm to do some wholesome apple picking this fall break, you can still pick up some fall farm vibes by attending the screening of The Bullish Farmer in Havemeyer Hall tonight from 6 to 8 pm!

Overseen: Some girl rolling around on the lawn in front of John Jay while laughing at 11 pm.

the cargo hold is a nice place to nap via Flickr

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