Author Archive

Sep

13

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not even harvey can stop me

Have you been trapped in your house for the past four days with dwindling food and water? Do you feel like you’re about to lose your mind because your cable’s been out for the past five? Are you starting to get nervous about the fact that the airport is three feet under water and you’ve got a flight to Columbia in two days? No worries, we’ve all been there and this fellow Houstonian is here to help you get out this category five disaster to make sure that you get to campus safe and sound!

  1. Call your local airport and beg them to let you on the next flight. Insist that you have to meet the Campus Storage guys on Saturday morning otherwise you’ll never be able to move into your McBain double on time and your year will never recover from this set back. Try crying a little if that doesn’t work, and while they might tell you that the planes won’t be able to take off for at least another week, don’t take no for an answer until they hang up on you.
  2. Next call Columbia in a panic and explain your situation in explicit detail. Smile a little when they give you pity in hopes that they’ll give you work study or pay for what’s gonna be a hella expensive flight. When the awkward silence hits between you and the receptionist, hang up without hesitation.
  3. Now you’re options are pretty limited, but luckily the water’s starting to recede so the highways out of the city have opened up. Give the Austin airport a ring and book a flight ASAP! The tickets maybe expensive but those Columbia blue skies are waiting for you and there’s no way Harvey can stop you.
  4. When the water turns on shove all your clothes into the washing machines in desperate hopes of being able to do a year’s worth of laundry in six hours. Don’t even bother with dryer sheets, just hope nothing turns out pink.
  5. Somehow get your parents to agree to drive you the three hour journey to Austin, and don’t forget to stop at that sketchy gas station and get a slushie for the road.
  6. Get on your flight and realize that a bunch of other fellow Columbians had the same idea and share your Harvey™ stories while you take off.
  7. When you land at JFK remind yourself that you’re luckier than most who went through this awful tragedy and be thankful for what you have and the support system around you that allowed you to get through this horrifying experience. Remind yourself that Columbia is a wonderful and safe place, and while stress culture can take it’s toll, you know that that’s only because of the privilege we have.
  8. Be a good person and donate to the Red Cross to help victims of Hurricane Harvey and Irma!

Image via Bella, obv, because she was freaking there

May

6

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you were just trying to get that summer bod

Disclaimer: The writer hasn’t actually tested any of her theories about Uris pool and only has a few shaky sources to confirm her theory.

It’s finals season and sickness is bound to be spreading across campus like the plague, while our immune systems are at their weakest and we’re all crammed into the same libraries, breathing the same recirculated air for hours on end. However, it seems that something else is spreading beyond the usual finals cold: mono. Infectious mononucleosis is characterized by fever, sore throats, enlarged lymph nodes, and exhaustion in most cases, but sometimes a carrier of the illness might not even have these external signs. But if you have found yourself more exhausted than usual from your run up Low Steps or find that swallowing your weekly SweetGreen is a little harder than usual, you might be infected with mono. One question you should ask yourself though: have you been to Uris Pool recently?

Click to read the rest of the conspiracy

Apr

30

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The dancers were leaping like gazelles!

This past Saturday night, Bwogger, Bella Tincher, decided to venture down to Riverside Theater to see the Columbia University Ballet Ensemble’ production of Sleeping Beauty. Filled with strife, drama, and comedy, the show was quite a delight.

As I filled into my seat, third row from the front, I was excited to see what waiting for the audience on the other side of the curtain. The theater had a very basement-of-the-church feel, even equipped with that musky smell that old buildings always seem to have.

The show started with an introduction from the executive director and artistic director, Elizabeth McAneny (BC ’18) and Elizabeth Neureiter (BC ’18), respectively. They spoke passionately about their show, obviously taking great pride in their work, with Neureiter having her hair slicked back in a bun and ready to perform in minutes. With that the show began, a prologue that consisted of the icon scene of whether to give Aurora (played by Clara Monk, CC ’20) a purple or pink dress. The antics of the court was funny, if not a little slapstick-y, full of overdramatized fights and gestures to get their message across to the audience of what was happening if they weren’t already familiar with the storyline. Read more about this beautiful production after the jump!

Apr

15

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Homer probably approves

Two-thirds of college students will have smoked the devil’s lettuce at least once in their four years of their undergraduate degree. And in preparation of one of the most underrated holidays (4/20), Bwog writers, Bella and Jack, are here to warn you about the worst places to smoke on campus for you newbies.

PrezBo’s Garden: Like every Columbia Student, you would love to feel like the administration cares about you. The easiest way is to waft the sweet, yet noxious, smell of weed through PrezBo’s window and force him to call campus security on you. This might not be the best method for smoking casually, but it’s attention grabbing – enough to maybe get an article about you on Bwog.

Pupin 425 or any similar windowless class room: This school has a unique aspect that is unheard of at other schools: the windowless classroom. Who would even design a classroom with no windows? While it might seem like the perfect hot box, the air will just be recirculated endlessly, and they’ll probably find your body Monday morning after you die of asphyxia. You’ll probably have endless articles written about you in all sorts of publications, so is this really the worst way to go?

Butler 209: This is honestly tempting. 209 is the closest room in Butler to the frat houses in both proximity and culture. Everyone is low-key desperately waiting for the moment it turns into a party. Yet it’s still Butler, and Alma be damned if you are going to enjoy a second of your time in it. Plus, it’s on the ground floor, closest to the security guards, so avoid lighting up in this room unless it’s a mass protest against the cancellation of Orgo Night.

Click here for more terrible places to smoke

Apr

13

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This could be you before your fiery death

It’s 8 am and you hear the worst sound known to humanity: the unmistakable sound of the fire alarm. You’re not sure how to react to the drill, and you’re not even sure if it’s a drill in the first place! Bwog is here to help you with your dilemma of what type of person you should be in a fire drill.

1. Sleeping in: You were already planning on skipping your 8:40 and there’s no way some measly fire drill is gonna stop you from getting your eight hours. You crack one eye open to get a feel for your surroundings and drag yourself out of bed to shuffle around to find your headphones. You find the perfect soothing playlist on Spotify and snuggle back into bed for another few hours, only slightly worried that this could be your fiery death.

2. Take it seriously: You hear the blaring screeches of the alarm and you jump out of bed, struggle to find some clothes that aren’t dirty and run for your life because THIS IS NOT A DRILL. You know from all your years of mandatory safety class that one should never take the elevator during a fire, so you rush to the stairs, even if you live on the 16th floor of Schapiro (rip).

Find out your other options during a fire drill!

Feb

27

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img February 27, 20173:04 pmimg 0 Comments

Bwog hearts math

Midterms are here, so why not check out a new library? New staff writer Bella Tincher continues our library review series with the Mathematics Library. 

Location: Math Building 303
Hours: Monday- Thursday, 9 am to 11 pm
Friday, 9 am to 7 pm
Saturday, 11 am to 6 pm
Sunday, 11 am to 10 pm
Contact: (212) 854-4712
math@library.columbia.edu
Seats:

  • Total: ~80 seats
  • Main Floor: 60 seats
  • Stacks 1st Floor: 10
  • Stacks 2nd Floor: 10
  • Computers: 14 seats

But is there a spa

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