Rush season can bring out the worst in us, and here we remind you of the University of Maryland Delta Gamma email scandal of 2013. We were recently tipped a similarly shocking email sent from Bwog’s rush chair. You can read it below (and remember to #rushbwog!!!).
If you just opened this email like I told you to, tie yourself down to whatever chair you’re sitting in, because this email is going to be a rough fucking ride.
For those of you that have your heads under a mattress, which is apparently the majority of this school, we have been FUCKING UP in terms of open forums and general social interactions. I’ve been getting comments on comments about people LITERALLY being so fucking APOLOGETIC and so fucking UNAPOLOGETIC. If you’re reading this right now and saying to yourself, “But oh em gee [first name redacted and then un-redacted and then un-un-redacted], I’ve been having so much fun writing think-pieces about my unstimulated intellect and subsequent ennui but also about gossip and squirrels and poop nuggets!” then punch yourself in the face right now so that I don’t have to fucking find you in the SGO and do it myself.
I do not give a flying fuck, and Columbia does not give a flying fuck
about anything, about how much you fucking love to talk about yourself. You have 361 days out of the fucking year to talk about yourself, and this week is NOT, I fucking repeat NOT ONE OF THEM. This week is about salvaging relationships with the administration and Greek life and activists and ourselves, and that’s not fucking possible if you’re going to sit around and talk to Beta and not to the people who’s dicks really deserve to be flayed—CUMB. Newsflash you stupid cocks: COLUMBIA DOESN’T LIKE SUCKY BWOG. Oh wait, DOUBLE FUCKING NEWSFLASH: COLUMBIA IS NOT GOING TO WANT TO READ US IF WE FUCKING SUCK, which by the way in case you’re an idiot and need it written out for you on a bathroom wall, WE FUCKING SUCK SO FAR.
This also applies to you little shits that have talked openly about writing for Bwog IN FRONT OF SPEC. Are you people fucking retarded? That’s not a rhetorical question, I LITERALLY want you to email me back telling if you’re mentally slow so I can make sure to send you to Spec.
If you have done ANYTHING I’ve mentioned in this email and have some rare disease with flu-like symptoms and blood-in-stool where you’re unable to NOT do these things, then you are HORRIBLE, I repeat, HORRIBLE FOR THIS PUBLICATION. I would rather have 1 editor-in-chief that is fun, talks to boys, and not fucking awkward than 20 that are fucking bitches.
And for those of you who are offended at this email, I would apologize but I really don’t give a fuck. Go cunt punt yourself.
-[Last name redacted]