Now that we’re just four days away from Halloween, it’s time to fight back against whatever blankness comes to mind upon hearing “Halloween costume” (because our Halloween costume contest is super competitive!!!). For those of you social enough to have a significant other/a friend/ a loose acquaintance, we salute you and hand you the couple costume of the year on a silver platter. Claire Friedman, most notably known for her role as Marnie in all three Halloweentown movies, gives the how-to for you and your special someone to dress like a real Columbia throwback: A Penis Fountain and Fountain Girl.
You (The Penis Fountain) Will Need:
- A nude body suit and swim cap
- A squirt gun
- A baby pool
- A pair of suspenders
- Some heavy-duty scissors
Step 1: put on your body suit and swim cap. If you’re doing this right, you should now resemble a human penis.
Step 2: cut a hole big enough for your hips in the base of the baby pool.
Step 3: attach the suspenders to the sides of the baby pool and wear them over your shoulders. The pool should hang around hip-height.
Step 4: fill up your squirt gun and go out into the world.
**note: people will think you dressed as an penis in a baby pool for Halloween. That means you’re doing it right.
This stellar outfit will probably run between $40 and $50. But hey, you know you’ll use that nude bodysuit again
to dress up as a penis.
You (Fountain Girl) Will Need:
- A grey shirt
- Orange/ coral pants
- A “no fucks given” attitude
Step 1: dance around your Penis Fountain partner. Depending on the structural integrity of your partner’s costume, feel free to climb on/ bask in the baby pool until asked to stop.
This costume will cost between $20 and $30 but, unfortunately, you can’t buy her infinite awesomeness.
Illustration by Taylor Grasdalen.