Bwog In Bed: Sunshine And Rainbows Edition

If you haven’t had a final yet, we know today is the day to end all days. No need for Bwog is take up the limited space you’ve allotted in your mind to read words outside of those on your exam and your scribbled “essay” response in your Blue Book – we’re downsizing to Bwog In Bed to not waste your limited precious word processing skills and to celebrate the big day. Cheers, from Bwog to you (who we hope is still in bed, too).

Bwogline: We should get a MTA line running on Amsterdam Avenue that matches the design of this celebratory Amsterdam train station. (Engadget)

Study Tip: Have snacks at the ready. Nothing is worse than getting hungry and leaving your prime real estate in Butler to get a snack for…two hours. The two outcomes are that someone probably stole your seat and your word count on that paper has not increased one bit. Nutrition supersedes any grade on any paper and if it’s easily accessible, your body and mind both gain from continued focus.

Procrastinate: Who said procrastination can’t make you feel good? Take a few minutes (or more) and realize that the world is not out to get you, because these strangers on the Internet really want to you to be happy! And pass your exams! Feel better already, right?!

Overheard: “If there were a service, how much would you pay to be signed into EC?”

Oh, What A (Dark) Night (Of The Soul)…
This says it all #darknight

This says it all #darknight

…Late December, back in ’63. What a very special time for me!

It’s that time of year again, folks. When things get dark, people get weird, and the world around us begins to devolve into turmoil. Tipsters sent in the photos below, reflecting the current state of Columbia’s soul. Prepare yourselves for the darkest of nights.

Field Notes: Dark Night Edition:

  • OH in Carman elevator (12/1): “I’m starting to bring all of my textbooks down to Butler so I can start camping out for finals”
  • “Guy on the phone entering bathroom in Butler: ‘…I’ve been holding it in for a while…’ He enters a stall with his computer”
  • “I swear the girl sitting next to me in SIPA just sprayed some room spray (I showered today I promise it’s not me)”
  • “Guy washing his hands/face/hair in a water fountain in Butler”

Photographic evidence of the darkest days:

Have any more weird finals week pictures or stories? Send them to tips!

CUSS Presents: Drunk HERstory

To ease the stress of finals and the last days of the semester, Columbia University (No Budget) Sketch Show (the evolved form of Bwog Video) was kind enough to put together one of their brilliant videos to give us a couple laughs to ease to the pain. CUSS brings us a lovely yet embarrassing tale by one of our own fellow students, Alex Hastings BC ’16. Boobs may be involved.

If you love this video/love making videos/have your own HERstory, reach out to CUSS by emailing video@bwog.com or checking out their Facebook page. We may be biased, but we love them so you should also love them.

Cool Jams For Hard Times
Is this what you look like at Butler? Us, too.

Is this what you look like at Butler? Us, too.

Look, we know you’ve been listening to Work, Bitch on loop for the last week. Never fear: Bwog is here to diversify your considerable musical interests! To Demi and Jay, obvs. Here we present a finals playlist — one song to play on repeat for each hour of the day. You’re welcome.

Caveat: Bwog is not responsible for you bawling in the reading room. Proceed at your own risk.

8AM: Breakfast — Chiddy Bang

This is it! The day you change the world! Have some cereal or a Ferris omelet! Who cares if you have a day to learn a semester! This is how Einstein did it, probably!

9AM: I Will Never Let You Down — Rita Ora

Wow, there’s so much more in Principles of Econ/Orgo/History of Modern Middle East than you originally thought. At least Rita will always be there.

10AM: The Freeworld — The Uglysuit

Wow, sleepy. Most people aren’t even up yet; definitely okay to close eyes for a minute or two. Here, a nice, long, seven-minute song.

11AM: Come Walk With Me — MIA

What! Entire hour gone! Where is the coffee? Let’s MOVE!! Let’s GET GOING!!

12PM: 3,6,9 — Cat Power

The caffeine has coursed through your veins. You are a goddess.

1PM: Afternoon Delight — Starland Vocal Band

Lunch break/straight hour of watching Arrested Development on mute in Butler. Mood music.

Check out some more hits after the jump!

Get Ready To Primal Scream Tonight
O-face or screaming?

O-face or screaming?

That’s right. It’s already the Sunday before finals begin, which means Primal Scream is happening tonight. Maybe it’s your first year at Columbia. Or maybe you’ve always spent today tucked away in your cozy single with your noise-canceling headphones on. Either way, Mamma Bwog is here to prepare you for Primal Scream:

  1. Make sure you know the exact time.
  2. Around 11:55PM, start doing some breathing exercises so you don’t pass out after only a minute of intense screaming.
  3. At 11:59PM, open a window, go outside of Butler, or, hell, stay inside Butler. We don’t care. Just make sure you’re prepared to deal with the consequences of scaring those diligent studiers around you.
  4. When the clock strikes 12:00, do as Cinderella did and go into a panic. Scream. Yell. Shout. Just let out all of that built up rage and sexual frustration.
  5. Stop screaming. You’ll feel better already.
  6. Tip us videos / stories of anything crazy that happens.

An actual collage of people in Butler tonight via Shutterstock

Bwog In Bed: Happy Sad Angry Glad Edition

It’s officially Sunday, which means you should probably put down the tequila and pick up those books! Or you can pick up the tequila and put down the books. It’s really your choice. Just have fun!

Bwogline: To the dismay of horny women and men everywhere, Andrew Garfield could be replaced as Spider Man according to leaked emails between Sony and Marvel. (IGN News)

Study Tip: Maybe all that last-minute cramming isn’t working. Maybe you think your professor is the worst educator on the face of the Earth. Maybe you slept through ever lecture and forgot to learn the material. In situations like these, it’s okay for you to transform into an angry rage demon. Stress balls can be a great thing. Snap a pencil or two. Scream into those Tempur-Pedic pillows you made your parents buy you in August. Just make sure this is all controlled rage.

Procrastinate: This may not be exactly related to Glad® food storage products, but check out all the different ways people use tupperware. Do this with your Safe Search function off. It’s actually pretty interesting.

Overheard: “I don’t want to think about Fro Sci anymore. I just want to think about this margarita.”

Party Testimonial: From The Desk Of Sartre
Recent photograph

Recent photograph

Inspired by his dear friend Sylvia’s adventures of last week, Jean-Paul Sartre sets out to answer a simple question: is alcoholism a humanism?

There is no exit. The Gaze, the eternal struggle of seeing oneself as an object in the world of others’ consciousness, is upon me. Or perhaps people are just staring because I wear a turtleneck. Humanité.

My friend Chad, a brother of this fraternity, spots me as he passes by.

“Hey man, glad you could come out. I’m gonna grab a drink, do you want anything?”

Oui. A cabernet sauvignon or even pinot noir would do.”

“Uh…yeah, I’ll get you a Natty.”

He disappears into the writhing mass of bodies. Young women are flexing their behinds furiously. Perhaps they are convulsing from the revelation that God is absence. God is the solitude of man. Or they are in their death throes, consumed in happy agony by the futility of Existence. We are all slaves to the mort inévitable.

There is a young woman across the room laughing, with her blood-red mouth wide like the void. I will woo her. I approach her.

More ennui

Shit My Notes Say

We all have them. Those doodles and phrases that almost seemed related to something said in lecture, things that seemed at the time preferable to writing nothing at all but which later befuddle or even horrify readers. They’re the reason you don’t share your notes with needy friends—sometimes, they even keep you out of your own notebook.

This holiday season, Bwog staffers open their hearts and their notebooks to bring you only the most inexplicable mental mutterings from the depths of marathon lectures.

With Love, From Scrooge

Dear [insert name of someone you give literally zero shits about], So nice to see you [last month/year/who even knows]! Hope this holiday season leaves you sad and cold and lonely inside goes wonderfully! Love, Ebenezer/Grumpy Cat.

Stop lying. We know how you really feel. Here are some holiday cards for those special people in your life you just could not stand to leave unacknowledged.

Bwog In Bed: 202 Years Of Progress Edition

It’s Saturday. The eye of the storm. Whether you plan to relax or to amp up your study regimen, you’re in as much of a mood to read Bwoglines as Bwog is to write them properly. Just stay a moment and take in the cream of the crop, and we’ll have you on your way.

Bwogline: The race to decide which university will host Barack Obama’s Presidential Library is tightening. A senior advisor to the president of the University of Chicago fingered Columbia as the Windy City’s strongest competitor, thanks in part to progress Columbia has already made in securing property rights around its new Manhattanville campus.

Study Tip: Know when to study alone. Studying with friends can make dreary content seem bearable, but sometimes comes at the cost of actual productivity. Do actual work now and you’ll have more time to relax with other people later.

ProcrastinateFeel the power, be an artist. If that leaves you thirsty for more:

Overheard: In a rare Butler scan-in line,

Person 1: Wait, is Columbia on Manhattan?
Person 2: Yeah, right?
Person 1: Okay, so we can walk to Brooklyn.
Person 2: I don’t think so.

Orgo Night Teases And Pleases And Eases Very Few
Enter CUMB

Enter CUMB

Two anonymous baby Bwoggers present their review of Orgo Night: Fall 2014 Edition. We sent the freshmen because they didn’t know what to expect. Also they’re less jaded.

Last night at 11:30pm in Butler 209, everyone realized—probably—that they had forgotten to take a shower. Sweaty bodies in sweaty sweaters carrying their sweaty parkas milled around the room, predicting where the band would stand, trying to find somewhere comfortable to sit, and trying not to breathe through their noses. Last night was our first Orgo Night, and luckily we got to perch on the same study carrel as the band, back to back with Mikhail and Edith (though our necks were definitely sore from the end of the night from having to peer around to look at them, and things definitely got awkward when Bwog’s time came).

And what public gathering is complete without the overwhelming presence of Public Safety? Officers were stationed outside of Butler and throughout the main floor in anticipation of protests (in anticipation of what CUMB might say), though apparently said protest was over at the Barnard Midnight Breakfast instead. Despite a push from some students for the administration to cancel the performance due to the band’s not-so-subtle and often offensive jokes, Orgo Night was still on.

At midnight, CUMB came booming into 209, playing the Fight Song and waving their instruments along with a “Wet Floor” sign that was altered to say “Get Wet For Floorgo Night” (and possibly a mop?). “Ladies and gentlemen and organic chemistry students,” they opened, “back despite misguided protests, the most canceled band in the world, the Columbia University Marching Not Your Turn!”

The band’s first target: the police! They began by bashing cops for the recent events surrounding the murders of Michael Brown and Eric Garner, throwing in jokes about CrackDel and how public safety should “focus on what they do best: making pleasant conversation with Barnard girls in the sign-in line.” They followed up their political commentary with “Fuck You, Police” (“Fuck You” by CeeLo Green). No one missed that.

More CUMB antics after the jump.

Undergraduate Deans Approve Spring Bacchanal
It's coming back

It’s coming back

Bwog received a press release this afternoon from the Bacchanal Board informing us that a Spring Bacchanal concert will be held on April 4, 2015. This change in date allows for the concert to not fall during the Days on Campus weekend as it has in previous years. While some concerns about the state of Bacchanal have come up through students responses about the lack of safety at the concert, the board has confirmed the event for the spring with necessary safety precautions to be implemented.

All four undergraduate deans have approved the concert; however, they have required procedures to be taken by the Bacchanal Board to ensure a safe environment at the concert this year. Such changes include having “Lion Tamers,” or students who will patrol the event and monitor students’ health; a wrist brand system for all students and guests; and ample food and water resources for students on the day of the event. To view all of the necessary provisions for the event, read the entire letter signed by the Deans to the Bacchanal Board below.

Tl;dr: Bacchanal is on for the Spring. #BacchisBacch

Read the press release and letter from the Deans here.

Calling Cops On Protesters, Divestment, And CourseWorks2 Discussed At USenate
To have and to hold

To have and to hold

Joe Milholland reports back with the latest from the University Senate.

At the beginning of the December 11 University Senate plenary, Executive Committee Chair Sharyn O’Halloran talked about the protocols for the University calling the police. At every protest on campus, she stated, VP of Public Safety James McShane notifies the police. However, for the police to be asked to come on campus because of a demonstration, there is a procedure O’Halloran described as “very elaborate.”

Specifically, PrezBo is required to consult the Executive Committee and decide if the demonstration poses “that a demonstration poses a clear and present danger to persons, property, or the substantial functioning of any division of the University.” O’Halloran quoted this from page 139 of the University charters and statutes. This rule goes on to state (although O’Halloran did not quote this) that the president “ shall take all necessary steps to secure the cooperation of external authority to bring about the end of the disruption. The President shall make public his or her decision to the fullest extent possible as soon as it is feasible. Nothing in the above shall be construed to limit the President’s emergency authority to protect persons or property.” O’Halloran called the criteria for calling the police onto campus a “pretty high threshold.”

Advisory Committee Socially Responsible Investing Chair Jeffery Gordon talked about proposals to divest from the fossil fuels and private prisons industries. Both he and PrezBo have met with students from the private prisons divestment group, and on January 20 there will be a panel discussion about private prisons. With regards to fossil fuel divestment, Gordon said the ACSRI only rejected a specific petition from Barnard-Columbia Divest, and the committee is looking at other methods to deal with fossil fuel divestment.

Fossil fuels, MOOCS, CourseWorks, and more after the jump.

Food From The Field
Get your greens in

Get your greens in

Finals are tough. Maintaining a happy, healthy diet might be even tougher. One Bwogger shares her field food notes from the week.

MONDAY

8am: Last night’s halal still stuffed to esophagus. Room only for coffee and disgust and Russian homework not completed.

11am: Feeling hopeful. Maybe will eat a vegetable today. Granola bar for now.

3pm: You know, have been rather productive today. Perhaps deserve shameful but tasty peppermint mocha.

4pm: Mocha turned into mocha + cake pop + weird quiche thing. Perhaps will be “adult” and will be so engrossed in work that forget to eat.

5pm: Still in NoCo. Is it dinner yet.

6pm: OK nope, must get sustenance. HamDel? HamDel.

7pm: Lewinsky. Meant to save second half for din tomorrow. Yummy AND economical. Alas.

11pm: Roommate bought snacks. Skittles healthy, methinks.

 

TUESDAY

9am: Coffee.

11am: How 11am and have only perused Facebook and Tumblr?? Must go to Butler.

12pm: ButCaf. Mango guava cheesecake better than expected.

3pm: Study break = MoWil. Pint of Chunky Monkey. You are what you eat, it seems.

7pm: Dinner at Ferris. Bad.

9pm: Must make up for stale pita chips and gross chicken. Milano pasta.

Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday after the jump.

Bwog In Bed: Positively Buttery Edition

We typically start our mornings with coffee as dark as our souls and some light Bwoglines, but who can manage that during finals? We have exams to take, mornings to sleep in, and trips to Butler to procrastinate.

Bwogline: Congress has just passed a bill that will allow $1.1 trillion in spending…amid rancor in the House. (The New York Times)

Study Tip: Think positively! If you believe that you hate a subject or that you will fail, you’re far less inclined to keep at it than if you remind yourself why you’re in this class, or why you should do well. Positive affirmations of yourself and your abilities should not be underestimated. Some favorites include: “I deserve to earn a good grade!” “What do I stand to gain?” “I can do this!” (All to be exclaimed in front of your mirror.)

Procrastinate: Baby.

Overheard: “God, I could really use some acupuncture this week. My new desk chair is killing me.”