Greetings, prospective Columbians! Bwog hopes that you’re ready to enjoy an amuse-bouche of college life this weekend. And by a stroke of good fortune, you’ll be experiencing completely typical weather conditions, quality of life, and level of general satisfaction! Right, everyone? Right.
On Thursday, we reposted our beloved and authoritative guide, “How to Scar Your Prospie.” But why should current students have all the fun? Without further ado:
How to Scar Your Host or Making the Most of Days on Campus
For your amusement, tell your host:
- You’re going to the bathroom and then never come back.
- You’re sexiling them.
- You forgot to get off the 1 train and are at the end of the line. What’s Van Cortlandt Park?
- You were stopped by public safety and gave their UNI.
- You’re in Times Square. Everything is bright and loud and you may be having a panic attack.