lube10:12 AM yesterday, walking outside of Labyrinth.
GUY 1: I had the worst experience of my life last night. Don’t EVER use expired lube, man.
GUY 2: YOOOOO! I KNOW. Expired lube BURNS. That shit is like… acid.

Somewhere in Carman, after a Butler all-nighter:

GUY 1: I’ve running on caffeine right now. I just took a piss and I swear it came out as coffee. If I peed into a Folger’s cup, it’d be like a fresh brew. Want a cup of coffee?

Yesterday in Hewitt (circa 5:15 PM):

DINING EMPLOYEE 1 (M): “He said he bringin’ the sexy back!”

DINING EMPLOYEE 2 (F): “Oh, is that what he said!”

–Let’s give a round of applause for first-year tipsters CML and Laura Chin